Groomsman for mates wedding: Giving money as present. How much?

The_Kew_Tour

Is 200euro too little to be giving a mate as his present? Want to give money, but just not sure how much.

I am the 4th, of 4 man groomsman party.

I dont want give too little, but at same time I cant really afford lot more either.

Am I being fair or should I give more?

vicwatson

The_Kew_Tour wrote: »

Is 200euro too little to be giving a mate as his present? Want to give money, but just not sure how much.

I am the 4th, of 4 man groomsman party.

I dont want give too little, but at same time I cant really afford lot more either.

Am I being fair or should I give more?

We're in a recession, I'd gladly take the hand and all at 200 euro. If he's a mate he'll be delighted with that.

Honestly I'd go for whatever you're comfortable with between €100 and €200. Is cash the only present, as in, is there something that the couple would laugh at/love that can be very sentimental?

The_Kew_Tour

Thanks for feedback first of all to both of you.

You have made me feel a bot better anyway thats for sure.

Donal by what they said before they kinda gave hint that they rather the money.

Now tbf they are the type of people who are understanding and know all our situations, but I guess at same time I still like to shoe apprecation to them too.(if thats right phrase)

Been 3 years since was at wedding. That day I was bestman and gave 250euro.

The reason I asked was because I never really have idea as to what to give and cant really ask anybody cause they are either going to wedding or unsure:pac:

tinkerbell

I think €150 is very generous, €200 is extremely generous.

Toast4532

200e is very generous, too generous i think.

100e or 150e is enough

woodchuck

200euro is very generous, I don't think anyone will tell you otherwise! If you can afford to give that then great, but even 100euro would be loads in my opinion.

christmas2012

were in a recession,i have to agree anybody who is expecting lavish presents isnt in the real world,or is being a little over unreasonable,a bottle of wine and a card wishing them the best,is what i would do!

Sulla Felix

I know you want to give cash, but I'd go for gift/prize bonds instead. Easily exchangeable for cash when actually needed but won't be blown at 5am on the wedding night on a round of jaeger for whoevers left up!

blindside88

christmas2012 wrote: »

were in a recession,i have to agree anybody who is expecting lavish presents isnt in the real world,or is being a little over unreasonable,a bottle of wine and a card wishing them the best,is what i would do!

While I think 200 is perfect and very generous I think that the suggestion of a bottle of wine and a card would seem miserable to me. If one of my groomsmen gave me a bottle of wine as a present I wouldn't say anything about it to him but I would be p*ssed off

Clareman

Are you going on your own or will someone else be going with you? Normally etiquette would say that you at least cover your own costs, so figure out the cost of the meal and round it up is the usual rule of thumb I find, in the case of being a Groomsman you should factor in the cost of renting the suit as well. As others have said, €200 would be spot on.

christmas2012

I gave that as a wedding present,and didnt hear any bitch back about it,maybe i was lucky,but dont couples have bigger things to worry about than adding up what they got from who and who?
Being honest anybody that would judge me for not giving a lavish present,or 200 euros would be deemed very shallow in my eyes and not worth my time there just users..
If a card and a bottle of wine pisses you off,thats a very strong reaction to have over a good will guesture some people can barely afford.
What would you expect from someone lets say who is on the dole or min wage??

Laura.Lee

christmas2012 wrote: »

I gave that as a wedding present,and didnt hear any bitch back about it,maybe i was lucky,but dont couples have bigger things to worry about than adding up what they got from who and who?
Being honest anybody that would judge me for not giving a lavish present,or 200 euros would be deemed very shallow in my eyes and not worth my time there just users..
If a card and a bottle of wine pisses you off,thats a very strong reaction to have over a good will guesture some people can barely afford.
What would you expect from someone lets say who is on the dole or min wage??

You can give a wedding present up to a year after a wedding. I would save up, even €5 a week, and give something decent. A bottle of wine is just mean. Even when I was a student, with little or no income, I would never have given that.
No need for something "lavish", but something a bit more decent.
I am also assuming you didn't bring a guest to the wedding.

christmas2012

No me and my family were asked to attend the wedding and thats what i brought,i wasnt judged for it,as i have very little income,i cant go spending wildly on the prized wedding couple i probably will never see again long after their married and with kids on the way probably..So no i wouldnt id see it as a waste,i know it sounds frugal but what can i do on little income?I think its unfair to judge,unless i was like a millionaire and had the money to then that would be different..It would be expected then..

The_Kew_Tour

Clareman wrote: »

Are you going on your own or will someone else be going with you? Normally etiquette would say that you at least cover your own costs, so figure out the cost of the meal and round it up is the usual rule of thumb I find, in the case of being a Groomsman you should factor in the cost of renting the suit as well. As others have said, €200 would be spot on.

Going on my own.

Thanks to everybody for advice too btw.

Gatica

yep, give what you can afford. and if you can afford 200 then that's by no means a mean present. It's a generous and thoughtful gift especially if you know they would prefer having the cash.

Sleepy

Given that most couples buy their own wine for the wedding rather than getting it from the hotel and would usually have a case or three left over after it, I think a bottle of wine would be a fairly thoughtless gift...

tinkerbell

^ Agreed, a bottle of wine? Most bottles are between €6-€12, it'd be just like giving them a tin of Roses or something. You bring a bottle of wine to a bbq or if you were invited to dinner, not to a wedding.

woodchuck

^ personally I'd be delighted with a tin of roses :P It shouldn't be about the cost, but the reason a bottle of wine wouldn't be a good idea is because they'll probably have loads left over anyway so it's a bit pointless. But if there was a nice bottle of whiskey or something a couple like I think that might be good. I know there would be lots who would probably disagree though.

But you're in no way in one of these 'grey areas' OP; 200euro is loads :P

Bid08

as you are attending yourself this is more than generous, even if you were bringing a guest 200euro is very generous

I agree a bottle of wine as a present to attend a wedding is a bit miserable, if I couldnt afford a more generous present I think Id rather not attend.

Squ

Regardless if the reaction, giving a bottle of wine, then sitting down to a four course meal and entertainment is a slap in the face.

Id rather not go and just send a card in the post.

To the op, €100 for a single, €200 for a couple is what we received from nearly everyone who came to our wedding.

The_Kew_Tour

Squ wrote: »

Regardless if the reaction, giving a bottle of wine, then sitting down to a four course meal and entertainment is a slap in the face.

Id rather not go and just send a card in the post.

To the op, €100 for a single, €200 for a couple is what we received from nearly everyone who came to our wedding.

Are you talking groomsmen and bestman too?

The fact im Groomsman should give little more.

As things stand im thinking of still giving 200euro, but maybe go to 150 if everybody seems to give less;)

woodchuck

I would've thought if anything the groomsmen and bridesmaid would 'get away' with giving less because they've already helped out so much in the run up to and on the day of the wedding? Sure don't the bride and groom normally give them a present...

Squ

The_Kew_Tour wrote: »

Are you talking groomsmen and bestman too?

The fact im Groomsman should give little more.

As things stand im thinking of still giving 200euro, but maybe go to 150 if everybody seems to give less;)

Absolutly, if anything they should get you something for all the help with/on the day.

I got my groomsmen engraved Leatherman pocket knives and zippos

pwurple

christmas2012 wrote: »

No me and my family were asked to attend the wedding and thats what i brought,i wasnt judged for it,as i have very little income,i cant go spending wildly on the prized wedding couple i probably will never see again long after their married and with kids on the way probably..So no i wouldnt id see it as a waste,i know it sounds frugal but what can i do on little income?I think its unfair to judge,unless i was like a millionaire and had the money to then that would be different..It would be expected then..

Why would you even go to that wedding? You sound like you barely know them. I would decline to attend a wedding in that situation.

OP, 200 is fine.

Joe10000

I think 100 for a single and 200 if two of you go is the norm.

loveisdivine

Squ wrote: »

Regardless if the reaction, giving a bottle of wine, then sitting down to a four course meal and entertainment is a slap in the face.

So people should be expected to give hundreds of euro because you decided to get married and invite a load of poeple for a big four course dinner? I find this astonishing. Basically you're saying that your guests should be paying for that part of your wedding? What if they dont like the food, would it be ok to ask for a refund of some of the money?!

OP give whatever you can afford, dont feel like you HAVE to give a certain amount. Personally I wouldnt want to receive gifts or money from anyone that did it just because they thought they had to.

Squ

loveisdivine wrote: »

So people should be expected to give hundreds of euro because you decided to get married and invite a load of poeple for a big four course dinner? I find this astonishing. Basically you're saying that your guests should be paying for that part of your wedding? What if they dont like the food, would it be ok to ask for a refund of some of the money?!

OP give whatever you can afford, dont feel like you HAVE to give a certain amount. Personally I wouldnt want to receive gifts or money from anyone that did it just because they thought they had to.

If people cant afford to go to a wedding they shouldn't go.
Yes I am saying that a person is expected to at the very least cover themselves. Not by me per say, but by tradition in general.
Scoff all you want, it's still true.

woodchuck

Squ wrote: »

If people cant afford to go to a wedding they shouldn't go.
Yes I am saying that a person is expected to at the very least cover themselves. Not by me per say, but by tradition in general.
Scoff all you want, it's still true.

Ah the eternal debate!

Generally speaking the amount people give does roughly cover their costs... but I don't think this is how it should be 'calculated' at all. So if someone choses to have a wedding with a 4 course meal in a 5 star restaurant, a live band and fire jugglers should the guests 'pay' more than if they attended a much more low-key affair?

The bride and groom shouldn't be having a wedding they can't afford themselves; they shouldn't be relying on guests to cover the costs. Guests are just that; guests! Sure it's polite to give a gift, but this 'minimum amount' of money thing is rubbish imo.

And I'd be curious to know when this 'tradition' came in (genuinely). I would have thought giving a physical present rather than money was the tradition until relatively recently.

Sorry getting a bit off topic... OP what you have in mind is very generous and no need to worry

pwurple

You're not expected to do anything at all, but it is polite.

There is no way I would go to the wedding of people I barely knew, and give a bottle of wine as a gift, unless it was a very decent bottle of wine. We did receive a bottle of wine as a gift for our wedding, but it was a very special claret, laid down for about 15 years. I still have it!

There were some people at our wedding who were stuck for money at the time, but they instead did very personal things instead. Like made us a lovely personal patchwork quilt, or helped me out with arranging the flowers, or picked up people from the airport and brought them for a walk around the city.

Of course the couple said nothing, I doubt they expect minimum value presents, and in their place I certainly didn't. As guests we all know it is a bit mean. As a guest, I would be mortified to show up arms swinging, unless they were my very best buddies and I felt I shouldn't miss it, and even then I would be doing my best to help them out in other ways, or make them something personal. If I barely knew them, and went along anyway, it would smack of going for the free lunch. That is plain bad manners.

OP is being very well mannered, showing an interest in the couple, and doing a great job.

Squ

Simple clash of cultures here. Give whatever you're confortable with.

Be it a mcdonalds sachay of salt or €500.