Recovering Alcoholic

LegacyUser

I am a 31 year old recovering alcoholic, unemployed and living with my parents. I have been sober for 6 months. This is the second, and last time, there is no going back. I am extremely grateful to my family for their support, they stuck by me when I was at my lowest.
My cousin is getting married next week. This has brought up a huge wave of emotions and I am not sure how I feel. I have said I will go to the wedding but I am not really looking forward to it, meeting new people has always been a problem for me and I have a tendency to isolate myself, which I am working on, all of my cousins and family will be there and I would really prefer to hide at home.

I am beginning to feel trapped yet I am not sure how to get out of this rut. I don't have many friends, I have always been extremely shy but I am trying to get out more. I depend on my parents a lot, I would like to go and meet some old friends from college, but my parents are not comfortable with that, my mother wants to drive me to meet my friends and pick me up afterwards, which I was not comfortable with. I am feeling a bit blue today, and I feel extremely guilty, which I have been discussing with my therapist. Do I deserve to be happy?

Jane Eyre

Of course you deserve to be happy! Look at what you have achieved! Giving up drink is the best thing you have ever done, so get out there and celebrate it and yourself. Buy yourself something fabulous to wear and drink great non-alcoholic colourful cocktails. Head up, be proud and smile!

LegacyUser

May I first congratulate you on your six month sobriety....well done!

You most definitely deserve to be happy. It may not seem so now but it will take some time to get around. You are getting used to a new life without alcohol and it is not some walk in the park. Alcohol addiction is one of the most difficult to overcome.

Your parents are looking over your shoulder out of concern and fear. It may take a while on their part to feel comfortable to leave you alone but with time and patience I am certain they will feel confident and step back a little more. You need to continue on with what you are doing and show them that you are ok. Also do not be afraid to express any concerns with them. Sometimes family are walking on egg shells because they are not sure what to do and how to act. Maybe they can go to Al-anon meetings as they can help them out with this.

As for the upcoming wedding, are you sure its about meeting "new" people as I would assume there is family attending? I have a feeling it may be the fact that alcohol would be served at the reception. Six months sobriety is a very big accomplishment but you are still quite new in your recovery and shaky. It takes much longer than 6 months to be comfortable in an environment like that. If you feel uneasy about going, may I suggest going to the church ceremony only instead of the reception? Or leave earlier before everyone drinks too much at the reception? Have you spoke about this with your parents? Maybe talk more in detail with the therapist about the wedding and possible fears-if any? Please do not feel ashamed these are real concerns and not something to take lightly. If you do not feel ready to attend such a venue, than don't. Your sobriety is your number one priority now.

If you would like to get out maybe the moderators can refer you to the non-drinkers forum where they may have planned nights out in your area? Take up a hobby or a language class at night? I am not sure about your friends and as to why your mother prefers to drop and pick you up. Are these the same friends that you drank with, OP? Recovery is about lifestyle choices and changes. I know many that had to drop friends because they were hindering their recovery not helping. I don't know what the case may be for you.

There are going to be times when you feel a little blue. This comes in cycles but the more you work with it and the more you talk about it the less often and less severe these feelings will be. I suggest journalling as it is extremely therapeutic and it is something that you can keep track of. You can identify when you feel this way and why and how to tackle it.

Sorry for the longwinded post and badgering of questions but I work in addictions for quite some time and know what you are going through in your recovery. It's not easy and I am just giving you words of encouragement and caution. Stick with your therapy and go to meetings for support.

Yes, you do deserve to be happy!

estar

why not let your mother drive you to friends and collect you for the first or second time, so she regains trust in you. you dont have to tell them. you deserve to be happy, happiness is something you have to work on. happiness to my mind is a choice, it is looking around your personal situation and finding things to be positive about, and then working towards other things that might make you happy.

reasons to be happy right now

- you are alive
- you have sobered up young. many alcoholics waste a whole lifetime. this to my mind is a massive positive for you. you have your whole life ahead and are young.
- your family support you
- you are invited to the wedding and people trust you to go
- you have access to therapy, many people cannot afford it

go for as long as you feel comfortable to the wedding.

well done you are doing great. what you are doing is difficult.

AA meetings are often good to meet up with others who understand the struggle, there are other similar groups as well that don't follow the same ethos. it is often good to meet others that are in the same boat as us.

estar

is an emotion you cannot afford. guilt is negative. so you might have done things that you regret. so you might right now be dependent a little on your parents. so what. if i were them i would rather my daughter needed me a little for a while rather than my daughter had no support.

you can return the favour later in life.

take the energy involved in being guilty, take the guilt and turn it into something positive. make your parents dinner. clean the house for them. thats all we can do. we cannot undo the past, but the future is a clean sheet.

if i feel guilty i do something nice for someone. this helps me feel like i deserve good things in my life.

Tombi!

I haven't read through the other 4 posts completely.
Mostly because I want to post so fast.

What have you done that you feel you don't deserve to be happy?
Honestly... nothing you could do removes the fact that you're a person. A person has every right to feel happy.

You gave up alcohol, after declaring yourself a recovering alcoholic.
That's one of the hardest things in the world to do. Even if you aren't happy with dealing socially with people, at the very least you can walk with pride and say "I've done something that millions of people can't do".

Hold your head high, you deserve it.

As for your mother wanting to drive you home, she's doing her job. She loves you and cares about you. It's only been six months. She clearly cares deeply. It's not that she doesn't trust you. It's the complete opposite. Let's say you did drink (for this point only), what would you rather: your mother there to get you back home and safe or your family to say "who cares, if he drinks and needs help to get home safely, we don't care"?

You shouldn't feel traped. Just think of some things you enjoy. Reading, films, video games, walking, tabletop games, whatever. There are clubs amongst clubs that have those interests. Even the most uneasy person will fit in. It'll be hard, no denying that. But clubs are used to new members.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

This is the OP here.

Thank you all for replying I am blue and I am lonely and thanks for taking the time to reply.

ennis81

One of my best friends is a recovering alcoholic, hes off the drink 4 yrs and is 31 like yourself, first off well done it is incredibily hard to give up the drink in ireland where every social occassion circles around booze. You do deserve to be happy of course you do, you had an addiction and you are trying to deal with it, With my friend we didn't drink around him for nearly a year when he gave up, he said this helped greatly, we went to cinema, for meals, played pool etc anywhere but the pub, about a year into his giving up the drink we had a friends wedding which he really didn't want to attend, but in the end he agreed to come with me and we had a great day (I didn't drink myself that day to give him some support).

Now a days he doesn't mind us having a drink around him, and will even come to pub with us sometimes althought he still finds sitting in a pub hard. He found the AA great at the start, for the support of other like minded people but also said he found it hugely depressing after a while because some people there had such sad stories and kept falling off the wagon,
Keep yourself busy, take part in things and try and talk to people, try and avoid drink related athmospheres. Please don't think to bad of your parents they just want to help and are terrified of you falling off the wagon, I think I nearly drove my mate mad the 1st yr off the drink, I was always ringing him and making him dinners, asking him where he was going etc,,, I was just concerned because I was so afraid he would return to his old ways, Anyhow wish you all the luck in the world, hope it all works out for you, BE HAPPY
(One more thing go to your doctor, my friend was v blue when he came of the drink and was prescribed anti depressants for 6 months which helped him greatly)

curlzy

Hey OP,

I haven't read the replies so sorry if this repeats someone.

Have you discussed this with your sponser? It certainly sounds like the type of situation where you could fall, especially if you previously used alcohol as a buffer in a social setting. Your sobriety is the most important thing in the world, more important than socialising, than family than EVERYTHING. Without it you have nothing and I'm sure you know that.

My advise is to contact your sponser and go to some meetings and discuss this with people who have been working the programme for longer than you. It may help you to feel a bit more confident about going and not drinking.

You certainly sound a bit depressed but this isn't unususal for someone who only recently found sobriety so don't be too hard on yourself. Like everything in life remember: THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Sobriety gets easier the longer you stick with it.

YES, you deserve to be happy, if you stay with the program you will be, just give it time.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Mr. Loverman

You don't mention if you are in AA.

If I were you I would go to an AA meeting pronto and try to get a sponsor immediately so you can call them (and other AA members) during the wedding if you feel like drinking.