Hired an escort, not sure how I feel about it

LegacyUser

first off I'm not looking for judgement etc. I've never thought prostitution is wrong except where someone is being coerced or is otherwise in a situation where they don't have a choice.

Basically, I was really drunk and sexually frustrated, being pretty pissed off at not having had sex in a long time, and also curiosity was a factor. I found an ad for an escort online, called her up and paid €300 for two hours of sex.

She was pleasant and while obviously she was doing it for money we did have good chat and laughs. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it again on account of it being a huge waste of money (I could have just had a **** and been up a month's rent), but I'm not sure how I feel about having done it the one time.

I don't feel morally bad about it either as it was consensual and the girl works for herself. I also have one friend who tried it before and he's a great guy who has loads of luck with women, and I remember not thinking any less of him when he told me. Of course it was not nearly as fun as real sex, but like I said I was frustrated and a bit curious. Obviously I will get a few STI screenings over the coming months, though I'm not too worried about that as adequate protection was used

What is a matter of some concern to me is how this might affect future relationships. I'll do the responsible thing and wait for the all-clear before I hook up with someone else. But I wonder how any future girlfriends might feel about this less than admirable chapter in my personal history. Do women generally frown heavily on this sort of thing? I prefer to be honest in relationships, so I wouldn't like to keep this secret from a significant other, but could telling someone ruin an otherwise good relationship?

What to do, keep my mouth shut about it for good and ever or is it something that many people would be understanding about?

RoscommonTom

I'd be keeping my trap shut, not like you were cheating on them. What they dont know wont injure them. A lot of money to be paying to be chatting and having the craic but no need to be ashmaed if your asking me.

Piliger

OP. Part of life. An 'experience'. Please ......... trap .... shut .....forever. End of.

LegacyUser

Speaking as a female, I would agree with the other posters. If you feel a little uneasy about it, you can embellish and say you had a ONS and keep it at that. I honestly would have more respect for you then some guy running off to Thailand spending more than €300 just to have sex (mostly) with underaged girls. That is more pathetic, in my honest opinion.

You seem guilty about it which is a good thing. It's a once off, chalk it up to experience, move on and don't do it again.

The Lovely Muffin

Why would you tell potential future partners about this? It's none of their business. Everyone has a past and no one is perfect, so what if you slept with an escort, you are both adults who are (presumably) capable of making adult decisions, so there no need whatsoever to tell anyone, partners, friends etc about this. It's nobody's business but yours.

If you have a partner and cheated on them, then of course you should tell them, but if you are single, then I don't see how it is an issue with hypothetical partners?

Why would you necessarily feel the need to tell anyone about it? You're not ashamed of it, which you shouldn't be anyway, and I don't think you necessarily did anything illegal (I'm unsure as to the legalities of escorts), and you were both safe. So that should just the be all and end all of it.

RoscommonTom

Say nothing and keep saying it;)

curlzy

Hey OP,

I think using an escort (or having sex with anyone that's doing it for a reason other than actually wanting to have sex with you) is beyond scummy, the ability to be able to reduce someone to a sex object is, for me anyway, almost as disgusting as rapists and peadophiles. I would immediately break up with a guy that told me he had ever been with an escort/hooker/prostitute etc. It's so seedy and pathetic that I just wouldn't be able to be with someone so beneath me.

I have a friend that broke up with a guy for this reason last year (been with a hooker in Amsterdam years ago), she said she just couldn't look at him the same way. TBH I can't look at him with anything like respect since she told me, I wish she hadn't. It's also doing the rounds and he's pretty much a looked down on and laughed at now, which is a little ott imo.

For those reasons I agree with the others, chalk it up to experience and never mention it again. It would be pants for you if you found a lovely girl and then she ended up sickened just looking at you. You're taking a serious risk by telling future partners.

Best of luck.

BraziliaNZ

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I think using an escort (or having sex with anyone that's doing it for a reason other than actually wanting to have sex with you) is beyond scummy, the ability to be able to reduce someone to a sex object is, for me anyway, almost as disgusting as rapists and peadophiles. I would immediately break up with a guy that told me he had ever been with an escort/hooker/prostitute etc. It's so seedy and pathetic that I just wouldn't be able to be with someone so beneath me.

I have a friend that broke up with a guy for this reason last year (been with a hooker in Amsterdam years ago), she said she just couldn't look at him the same way. TBH I can't look at him with anything like respect since she told me, I wish she hadn't. It's also doing the rounds and he's pretty much a looked down on and laughed at now, which is a little ott imo.

For those reasons I agree with the others, chalk it up to experience and never mention it again. It would be pants for you if you found a lovely girl and then she ended up sickened just looking at you. You're taking a serious risk by telling future partners.

Best of luck.

Well you know any girl I've gone out with has had one night stands with strangers, with no view of it being more than just f*cking, some had many of them, and I never held it against them. Reducing men to sex objects I guess. One time I slept with a girl and left the next morning and didn't know her name, still don't. I didn't feel any guilt.
What you need to realise is that there are girls out there who work in this field not because they have to but because they choose to and some of them may enjoy it for all we know.

Anyway OP - don't tell future partners about it, it's probably not going to endear you to them. Some women would have a problem with it, some not. Don't worry about it, it's hard going without sex for long periods and not all of us can just pick up a girl willy nilly for sex.

Katy89

I think the real issue here is that you seem to feel guilty and the need to tell somebody about it, otherwise you wouldn't post here and ask that question.

and it seems to me as well that you would have the feeling in any upcoming relationship that you're hiding something from her?
so what did this act tought you? not healthy for you so would recommend not doing it again...

you said you have a friend who did the same, can't you talk to him about it? might bring some relief.

to answer your question, I would agree with the other posters, no need to tell it out of the blue in any new relationship.
then it depends also on the relationship and the person whether you tell her or not. some people are ok with it, some not.

Ellsbells

hungover50 wrote: »

it was consensual

How consensual was it seeing as she had to do it for the money?? I wouldnt tell anyone... It would turn me right off a partner if he had used women like that and no, a ons is not the same thing, as you are both equals and out for the same thing. This girl was not doing this for the fun of it - trust me.

Motley Crue

OP, I hoped you asked her for a receipt, your entitled to one under the trade's description act lol

No, in all seriousness, say nothing and forget about this. As far as you're concerned you had a one night stand with a girl and knowing how much some Irish girls cost for their company before sex you could have easily spent that in a good weekend in Dublin.

Out of interest, what did you chat about? lol

And when was it time to iniate sex? Was it like "yeah just gonna nip to the loo first, see you in the bedroom in five" or did you just stop talking at one point and think, yeah, might as well go for it now. I'm just wondering how spontanious it was or if she came with toys, costumes and whips and just asked you to pick and choose what she should wear and use?

I could personally see the temptation but I'm not that bothered to be honest

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your responses. The unanimous consensus is that I should keep quiet about it, which is all I wanted to know. Contrary to what some of you seem to think, I just wanted advice about this, not to have my conscience assuaged. I tried to make it clear that I don't feel guilty about it, as I've never thought less of anyone for doing same.

curlzy wrote: »

It would be pants for you if you found a lovely girl and then she ended up sickened just looking at you. You're taking a serious risk by telling future partners.

Without getting into my objection to being compared to rapists and paedophiles, in a really long term relationship I expect I probably could be honest about it with the right person, as the type of girl I would go for wouldn't be judgemental or moralistic enough to consider me "beneath" her on account of a solitary indiscretion.

Katy89 wrote: »

I think the real issue here is that you seem to feel guilty and the need to tell somebody about it, otherwise you wouldn't post here and ask that question.

you said you have a friend who did the same, can't you talk to him about it? might bring some relief.

I have no problem talking to friends about it, and I'm not bringing it up here because I feel guilty, I really just wanted to know what people thought of mentioning it to an SO.

Ellsbells wrote: »

How consensual was it seeing as she had to do it for the money??

Consent is consent, it doesn't matter what a persons reasons are for consenting to something. She doesn't "have" to do it for the money, she chooses to. This girl could be working as a waitress or any other similarly paying job; instead she chooses to have sex and make a lot more money.

Thanks to all of you anyway, I've got my answer. It seems most of you think it's neither something I should be ashamed of nor something I should promulgate, which I guess confirms what I would have thought myself. Cheers.

LegacyUser

Motley Crue wrote: »

OP, I hoped you asked her for a receipt, your entitled to one under the trade's description act lol

No, in all seriousness, say nothing and forget about this. As far as you're concerned you had a one night stand with a girl and knowing how much some Irish girls cost for their company before sex you could have easily spent that in a good weekend in Dublin.

Out of interest, what did you chat about? lol

And when was it time to iniate sex? Was it like "yeah just gonna nip to the loo first, see you in the bedroom in five" or did you just stop talking at one point and think, yeah, might as well go for it now. I'm just wondering how spontanious it was or if she came with toys, costumes and whips and just asked you to pick and choose what she should wear and use?

I could personally see the temptation but I'm not that bothered to be honest

OP here. You'd be right, I wouldn't do it again, it's a lot of money and not nearly as gratifying as a good ride off of someone who's really into you.

I arrived at her place, sat down and had a drink, just made small talk really. She was asking me what I do for a living, and I told her and then asked "So, what do you do yourself?" .... that got a good laugh We also discussed our mutual anticipation of the upcoming Batman film.

Anyway then I said I was going to hop in the shower, which I did, and she promptly hopped in behind me. After getting washed and dried then we pretty much had sex for the next hour or so, and I have to say that leaving the place I was thinking I wouldn't do it again but at least I'm not dying of horniness anymore.

Taltos

hungover50 wrote: »

OP here, thanks for your responses. The unanimous consensus is that I should keep quiet about it, which is all I wanted to know.

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