Advice for the parent of a gay teen

eviltwin

Hi everyone. I'm just looking for a bit of advice and direction really.

I'm the mum of a recently out 15yr old girl and I'd love to know what I can do to help her find her feet. She seems quite happy to go with the flow right now which is great but I'm mindful that when school starts up again she might find that she needs support from other people her age who have been there.

Right now my instinct is to just follow her lead and carry on as normal unless she raises the issue but is that the right thing to do?

I'm finding it hard to find any support for teenagers, does anyone know of any or have any other words of wisdom for a clueless parent? I just want to be here for her and not put my feet in it by being over protective but I don't want to smother her either.

Thanks in advance.

Goodshape

Hi. It's great that you're actively looking for ways to support your daughter with this!

BelongTo is an organisation for LGBT young people in Ireland which offers services, groups, support, community and education. Worth having a look at that! They also have a Supporting Parents section which might answer some of the questions you have yourself.

Good luck!

finality

Just the fact that you're ok with it will help her a lot in itself.

eviltwin

Thank you both.

Annasopra

Maybe contact Look for some support

http://www.lovingouroutkids.org/

Chuchoter

I personally think maybe send her an email with a load of links to belongto and stuff? Because otherwise she might end up in a position where she is out, but never wants to bring it up again herself to ask to go to x or y group. You pre-empting it and giving her permission would avoid all that.
Well done on taking everything so well though! She's lucky to have you

Dean_f

BelongTo (as already mentioned) would be the first place I would recommend. But if she seems happy enough and isn't having any trouble or getting any hassle etc., maybe she doesn't need any support. I got offers of going to a counsellor from my parents, but I was happy in myself, I had accepting and supportive friends, didn't get bullied and generally had a very positive coming out experience. I didn't need any extra help or support. I felt able to take anything that was thrown at me. I know this isn't the case with everyone but don't be too surprised if it is with her.

As for what you can do yourself, I don't think there's anything special or different you need to do to support her. Be supportive and encouraging, just like you would with any other aspect of her life. Be ready and available to talk about it when she wants but patient when she doesn't. Coming out to the parents is hard and they were the last people to know in my case. Just judging by the fact that you know before a lot of her peers and that you're the type of parent who has been looking for advice on how to support her, I think you're already doing a lot for her and helping in ways you probably don't even realise.

baby and crumble

First off I just want to say it's very cool that you're being so supportive.

If I were your daughter, I'd love my Mum to let me know that it really is ok that I'm gay. Writing her a letter that she can read on her own would be nice- she can keep it and know that you still love her.

I highly advise trying to meet other parents of gay kids- Loving Your Out Kids seems like a great resource.

Be open to asking your daughter about girls she might like, the same as you would ask her about boys- even going to far as to tease her about it, like all parents do with their teenagers.

As embarrassing as it might be, read up on safe sex practises for lesbians, because your daughter will need to learn that too, and all parents should be able to talk frankly to their kids about safe sex. It's probably far off, but still good to be prepared.

Coeurdepirate

It's obvious that you're a good mother if you'd go this far to try and make her happy, just make sure you know that! I came out to my parents like a year ago and they were both great about it and very supportive. Just the fact that they were fine with it was a massive weight off my shoulders, and I assume it's the same for your daughter.

eviltwin

Thanks a mil for all the replies, she's the eldest so the whole area of her sexuality, whatever it was, was going to be new ground.

The letter is a thing I never thought of, I know at that age my parents asking me about boys made me cringe so I think I'll do that

We went into Pride and got talking to a few people and it set her mind at ease on a lot of things which is a huge relief for me. I just want her to be okay and not feel she has to hide who she is.

Thanks again, I think we are all starting to realise how lucky we are she is facing into this now and me and her dad will be forever grateful for the hard work you guys have done over the years to move attitudes along and make life a little easier for the next generation

Annasopra

That's great eviltwin. Feel free to ask us anything at anystage.

fizzyorange

That's really great that you support your daughter. She probably feels like such a burden has been lifted from her, now that she no longer feels the need to hide who she is from you.

People have mentioned B2 before so no need for me to mention it again, but I always remember that the one thing I really wanted growing up was to be able to openly talk about where I was really going, girlfriends, who I was really meeting up with etc with the family. I think the one thing that puts closeted LGBT teenagers under a lot of stress is all of the lies you have to tell. So by simply being okay with your daughters sexuality, and to be there for her when she needs to talk etc, is already a huge help for her, even if it might not seem like much. It'd be fantastic if more parents were open minded when it comes to sexuality.

floggg

OP by the sounds of it, with you supporting her as you have been, you'll be just fine.

I hope she'll appreciate with a great mother she has. Straight or gay, she's a teenager, so she might not realise it for a few years though!