What do you think of weddings?

clint_silver

I've seen a few off topic comments recently Like "here's my advice on this topic but.... (and here comes the off topic posting) Weddings are ****e or a con anyway". The comments have come from a few posters. For those of you who feel that way, Why is that?


Ive worked at nearly 800 weddings. After the first 100 or so you get to see everything and I've come to the conclusion that give or take a few, for atmosphere
1/10 weddings are amazing
6/10 weddings are brilliant.
2/10 weddings are just ok, mostly boring. 1/10 weddings are not good.
Maybe 1 a year are truly awful.

It's always the people that make it. Cost of dress, suits, car, food, chair covers and many other small things rarely affects atmosphere. They can certainly help to make things look nice, and if you have the budget, go for whatever you can afford but they don't persay add 30-40% to any index rating of how good a day is. Not that any such index exists except in the head of the Bride and Groom who are paying for the day, and the day after chat of the guests at the breakfast tables.
You need 3 things for a crowd, food, drink and entertainment and depending on where the wedding is, somewhere fr them to sleep. All the rest is, well, extra.

There's a huge amount of planning and budgeting by people who are inexperienced at event planning. Of Course some things are going to go wrong. There's a lot of luck involved in picking all the right things on the day. You may have been a guest at some weddings where things went wrong. The 3000e dress didn't look 3k. The photo shots didn't turn out the way they should. The band didn't have that wow factor. The dj was ****e. Now, are these cons or by and by was it just unlucky that these things went wrong on the night that you were at a wedding because they usually do go right.
If you're just the type of person that doesn't like big days out, that's different. Most people do though.

lazygal

I also have a bit of a giggle to myself when I read posts on here and other wedding planning sites asking about how to make things a bit 'different'. Most Irish weddings are terribly predictable. I've only been to one non church wedding, my own. All the other weddings have had tedious religious services (even though I know no religious couples), a long drive to a hotel far from the church, a drinks reception, meal, speeches, band and DJ. You know how the day will pan out as soon as you get the invitation!

Ours was a pretty similar format, but we married in our reception venue in a non religious short and sweet ceremony. We also decided to have a free bar and wine/bubbly doing the rounds for the day. This didn't cost as much as you'd think and two years on, people still comment on it. We also spent over the odds on a great band and kept people fed. I hate stingy food and drink at weddings, especially if the couple have spent money hiring cars, putting flowers all over the church and have a large and expensively kitted out bridal party. I've also seen some lousy bands at a wedding, which can kill a good atmosphere dead.

So if I'd give any advice its to spend money on your guests-ie feed them, water them, and get a good band or a stonking DJ. Don't over spend on your dress, flowers, invitations, favours, have six bridesmaids, don't have a boring church ceremony and a long drive from a cold church to a hotel without feeding your guests on arrival. No one will remember the amazing church flowers that cost a grand, but they will remember arriving at a hotel with no food or drink to greet them.


On a personal note, get as good a photographer and videographer as you can afford. It is priceless to have those images, especially when people are no longer with you, as I found recently.

amdublin

I find weddings are really boring and cost a lot to attend.

Lazygal yours sounds good though.

Sleepy

I enjoy them immensely tbh. I make the most of the ceremony by using it as a chance to practice my photography, enjoy catching up with everyone and a few jars before the meal and having a dance later on before drinking into the small hours in the residents lounge. Sure, they become quite similar but so does any night out in Ireland.

I've been at weddings that I thought were boring and still had a blast because there'll always be at least a small number of people at any wedding that I'll know and that's usually enough to have a party.

The Lovely Muffin

I've been to two weddings, one in England, which was your traditional wedding, that said, the wedding was in 2003, so traditional weddings were the 'thing' then. Or so I'm told.

The other wedding, I was a bridesmaid at. It was in Croatia, typical church service, photos, then a boat trip and then the reception. It was so much more fun than the 2003 wedding. The boat trip was the only thing that really stood out for me tbh.

I was 12 at the 2003 wedding and 18 at the other wedding, so maybe my age had to do with how I found them.

Generally I wouldn't be a huge fan of weddings, to me, they are expensive days out/weekends away.

Elliejo

The wedding that stood out for me was that of my younger (by many years!) brother. He had a marquee behind his house. The flowers were wild flowers, picked that morning. The vows were written by himself and his wife. The ceremony was performed by a (I think) druidess. The two families joined hands in a circle around them as they exchanged the vows. (They had the legal bit done in a registry office the previous day). The food was buffet, with lots of variety. The entertainment included fire-eaters, belly dancers, a variety of bands. The oldies, which included all his immediate family as he is much younger than the rest of us, left around 1am. The rest, which included his older nieces and nephews who are much closer in age to him than his siblings, stayed until dawn. Bands, made up from his friends who played in various bands, played all night, he had a barbeque arranged for the early hours. The dress code was casual. The bride wore a simple green maxi and the groom wore a casual shirt and chinos. Five years later, people are still talking about it.

amdublin

Elliejo wrote: »

The wedding that stood out for me was that of my younger (by many years!) brother. He had a marquee behind his house. The flowers were wild flowers, picked that morning. The vows were written by himself and his wife. The ceremony was performed by a (I think) druidess. The two families joined hands in a circle around them as they exchanged the vows. (They had the legal bit done in a registry office the previous day). The food was buffet, with lots of variety. The entertainment included fire-eaters, belly dancers, a variety of bands. The oldies, which included all his immediate family as he is much younger than the rest of us, left around 1am. The rest, which included his older nieces and nephews who are much closer in age to him than his siblings, stayed until dawn. Bands, made up from his friends who played in various bands, played all night, he had a barbeque arranged for the early hours. The dress code was casual. The bride wore a simple green maxi and the groom wore a casual shirt and chinos. Five years later, people are still talking about it.

Sorry this sounds horrendous to me.

prettygurrly

I'd say if you were at it you'd love it. I haven't heard anyone who's attended a "druid" type of wedding complain or think it was horrendous. It's different and sometimes I feel that those types of ceremonies are more intimate...not a bad thing!

Elliejo

amdublin wrote: »

Sorry this sounds horrendous to me.

When I heard what they were planning, I too thought it was a horrendous idea:D, but it was a brilliant experience. It was very different, but it was their style, and ultimately, the bride and groom were the two people who mattered.

I just realised you'd highlighted a bit of what I wrote. Yes, I would have thought that too, but it just was right on the day.

Would you think the whole day was horrendous, or just the circle of the family?

clint_silver

amdublin wrote: »

I find weddings are really boring and cost a lot to attend.

Lazygal yours sounds good though.

Could you detail what was boring about the weddings you attended? The point of the thread was to find out why people have negative thoughts about weddings.

Im with you on the cost though. If Im a guest and i can get home from the wedding it's a good one for me. if its an average wedding and I also have the added cost of a hotel room then it compounds my feelings on the day.

amdublin

I hate the big gap between the church and the meal.

I have no clue why we irish have the ceremony at twelve thirty / one and then no food until six All that waiting kills me.

Oh and don't get me started on the hour long ceremonies in church.....when 99.9% of the bride and grooms don't even go to mass

amdublin

Elliejo wrote: »

amdublin wrote: »

Sorry this sounds horrendous to me.

When I heard what they were planning, I too thought it was a horrendous idea:D, but it was a brilliant experience. It was very different, but it was their style, and ultimately, the bride and groom were the two people who mattered.

I just realised you'd highlighted a bit of what I wrote. Yes, I would have thought that too, but it just was right on the day.

Would you think the whole day was horrendous, or just the circle of the family?

The circle of the family. All the rest sounds fun.

amdublin

Elliejo wrote: »

amdublin wrote: »

Sorry this sounds horrendous to me.

When I heard what they were planning, I too thought it was a horrendous idea:D, but it was a brilliant experience. It was very different, but it was their style, and ultimately, the bride and groom were the two people who mattered.

I just realised you'd highlighted a bit of what I wrote. Yes, I would have thought that too, but it just was right on the day.

Would you think the whole day was horrendous, or just the circle of the family?

The circle of the family. All the rest sounds fun.

artyeva

elliejo, your brother's wedding sounds like my kinda gig!

at the risk of getting myself banned/attacked here i find most irish weddings that go by the 'trad' route arsébendingly tedious, impersonal, kinda fake, and a complete waste of money both for the couple and those attending. the only bit i do actually like is the vows [even though a lot of the time the couple are making these vows to a god they don't even believe in] - cause that's actually what a 'wedding' is to me - making a vow to the person you love. anything else is just superfluous.

i think some of the cultural traditions that have evolved around weddings in this country are laughable - i know i'm not alone in this, but i find weddings are such an emotive and self-reinforcing issue for irish people that any criticism on the abstract is taken personally so it's hard to get a rational conversation out of people regarding the subject.

clint_silver

artyeva wrote: »

elliejo, your brother's wedding sounds like my kinda gig!

at the risk of getting myself banned/attacked here i find most irish weddings that go by the 'trad' route arsébendingly tedious, impersonal, kinda fake, and a complete waste of money both for the couple and those attending. the only bit i do actually like is the vows [even though a lot of the time the couple are making these vows to a god they don't even believe in] - cause that's actually what a 'wedding' is to me - making a vow to the person you love. anything else is just superfluous.

i think some of the cultural traditions that have evolved around weddings in this country are laughable - i know i'm not alone in this, but i find weddings are such an emotive and self-reinforcing issue for irish people that any criticism on the abstract is taken personally so it's hard to get a rational conversation out of people regarding the subject.

The point of this thread is not for posters to be attacked for having negative opinions about weddings, but why those opinions exist.
Already we see some like the vows others dont. Personally Im not a big fan, just part of the day for me, I also don't like the long waits.
My one really big pet hate is having 150 people mostly from one area being made travel 200 miles to a hotel that is no different then any hotel 10 miles from where the couple live imposing unnecessary expense.

Other then that if your inviting a crowd to your day, you need food drink and entertainment. How you do all that is up for debate and trying to get value for money.

artyeva

clint_silver wrote: »

The point of this thread is not for posters to be attacked for having negative opinions about weddings, but why those opinions exist.

i know, but i see people attacking all the time on this forum for expressing opinions on irish weddings cause people don't have the wit or patience to differenciate between an opinion and personal choice.

what you say about the vows 'just being part of the day' is interesting. to me a wedding is a gesture, promise or oath of the commitment made between two people with whatever religious or social rituals they believe in. i see the vows as the verbal expression of this promise and i find it weird that we have such a cultural disconnection with that idea. that it's now just something to 'get through' before we go off to a big room festooned with all sorts of crap no one will remember in a week and the reception is seen as 'the wedding'. weird. all the obvious and not so obvious superstitions and social pressures involved in all of that other crap is main reason i could never have gotten married in this country. i'll leave this thread though, cause i see i'm being a bit abstract.

if yer talking about the minutiae of the typical irish wedding, as a guest i'd say it's the travelling. couples who, like you say choose a hotel miles away cause 'it's better for weddings', or is percieved as more prestegious/fancier/more exclusive when really, any large room with tables and chairs and food and drink and toilet facilities would have sufficed.

Jogathon

I've been to loads of weddings, all traditional type ones except for one, and it was the best one yet. Church wedding mass, but then to a nearby restaurant where we had a very fancy bbq outside. Both bands played outside and it was just great. The weather was brilliant so it made the day which was lucky. No speeches, just a thank you for coming and brilliant dj for when we had to move inside at half 11ish. Lovely, relaxed and everyone thought it was the best.