Should I ask a stranger out over FB?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
I am a 25 year old student and am a regular in the bar on campus.
I used to go in with my now-ex a couple of times a week and most of the staff recognise me. There is one member of staff there who is gorgeous but obviously he's seen me with my now-ex boyfriend a load of times. However me and my ex broke up around exam time and I really want to give it a shot with this guy. I have only spoken to him a couple of times and he seemed really friendly but I have no idea if he likes me. Sometimes when I'm drunk I stare a bit and I hope it wouldn't have creeped him out if he noticed. I would be too shy to smile at him. He obviously wouldn't be flirting much with my boyfriend nearby anyway. My boyfriend knew of my crush and did say once that he saw him looking at me but that was all.

Anyway, I've managed to find this guy on FB. Obviously college has broken up for the summer and I don't even know what year this guy was in or where he is from or if he will be working in the bar again next year, so I want to ask him out now.
Would that be weird to do? Is it a bit stalker-ish?

gerryk

Yes, it's a bit stalkerish. Wait until you can see him face-to-face, or just give it up as a bad job and move on.

HowItIs

shouldiaskhim wrote: »

Is it a bit stalker-ish?

Is it a bit stalkerish that you've spent time oogling this guy in his place of work and then gone on to find his fb page so you can ask him out. As against just going up to him now that you're single and starting a conversation.

Yeah you're being stalkerish.

wylo

I dont know if I speak for most blokes here, but I honestly think I speak for alot, adding him as a friend at least, wont be too stalkery, not saying the thought wont cross his mind, but I honestly dont think it will be an issue, I think alot of people would see it as a compliment. Especially if you've been talking to him. Maybe I hang around with a bunch of weird blokes, but I dont know one that would be genuinely put off or freaked out by an approach like that. Surprised? Maybe , but thats all.

Now, if you're exaggerating and you havent been talking to him much, then its a bit trickier. FWIW I have two mates that are going out with girls that did similar things to what you are suggesting. Nobody gets freaked out by that stuff really. And if they do, they kinda have their own issues imo.
Think about it logically, if someone is freaked out by an approach like that, are they really that nice and cool a person as you thought they were?

ps, the reason I say add him as a friend is because it becomes fairly obvious then you are clearly noticing him more than you may have let on. You can see what happens after that.

wylo

HowItIs wrote: »

Is it a bit stalkerish that you've spent time oogling this guy in his place of work and then gone on to find his fb page so you can ask him out. As against just going up to him now that you're single and starting a conversation.

Yeah you're being stalkerish.

She was going out with someone at the time.

Herrick

As a guy, I wouldn't think it freaky if a girl I barely knew added me on FB. Even if I was asked out I'd find it a compliment really

The tricky part is breaking the ice and getting chatting to him after adding him. Maybe a simple "Hi I remember you, you work in x bar" See how it goes from there really. If he finds you attractive to be honest your sorted :P

Squiggler

I think there would be nothing wrong with adding him on Facebook, he'll either accept the friendship, which means he at least noticed you, or not, in which case you'll have your answer.

I've been very happily married to my husband for three years and we got together because I found him on myspace (having not seen him for 12 years) and sent him a friend request.

Fiona

The guy I am seeing now came in contact with me 2 years ago via a car website. He then tracked me down on facebook a couple of days later.

Fast forward a 2 year friendship and the breakdown of my marriage we are now going out with each other. If you want somebody, just go for it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies so far.
I should mention that when I've spoken to him, it was only to ask the price of a drink or something, nothing else.
I thought I felt a spark between us but maybe I was wrong, hard to tell when you've been drinking sometimes.

Lux23

Add him and see what happens, what harm can it do?

Motley Crue

Ironically I think if you asked him out he'd be inclined to say yes. I don't think many single guys (he is single, yes?) would turn down an invite from a girl to go out

snafuk35

shouldiaskhim wrote: »

Hi guys,
I am a 25 year old student and am a regular in the bar on campus.
I used to go in with my now-ex a couple of times a week and most of the staff recognise me. There is one member of staff there who is gorgeous but obviously he's seen me with my now-ex boyfriend a load of times. However me and my ex broke up around exam time and I really want to give it a shot with this guy. I have only spoken to him a couple of times and he seemed really friendly but I have no idea if he likes me. Sometimes when I'm drunk I stare a bit and I hope it wouldn't have creeped him out if he noticed. I would be too shy to smile at him. He obviously wouldn't be flirting much with my boyfriend nearby anyway. My boyfriend knew of my crush and did say once that he saw him looking at me but that was all.

Anyway, I've managed to find this guy on FB. Obviously college has broken up for the summer and I don't even know what year this guy was in or where he is from or if he will be working in the bar again next year, so I want to ask him out now.
Would that be weird to do? Is it a bit stalker-ish?

Any approach is only stalkerish if you persist in pestering them after they made it clear the first time they weren't interested.
So if you can contact him by facebook more comfortablly than just going over and talking to him (which might have a better chance of working that you think) then do it and see what happens.
Facebook makes it easier to contact people and could work as an icebreaker.
But actually going up to him and saying hello and making it clear you are interested without jumping through hoops might have a better chance of succeeding.
If you get together with him through facebook or any other means it doesn't matter except between you or him.
You owe it to yourself to go for what you want so just to it.
If it doesn't work and he's not interested at least you have a go.
It'll never happen if you do nothing.
Strike while the iron is hot!

Wacker The Attacker

You'll regret it if you dont but do it face to face