picking friends over me

LegacyUser

I know most of you are gonna scoff over the title, but I would like some outside views on this.

My boyfriend's housemate's girlfriend is American, and she's been over for the last three weeks. Apparently she is leaving tomorrow and there is a farewell drink for her tonight.. I know this because I asked him to come over and he said he can't because of the above event. I know I'm being selfish in thinking he's choosing her over me, but he did this aswell on my birthday, he went out with his friends instead of meeting me because it was her birthday or she was celebrating or something, it was to do with her any way..

I just want to know what other girls would do in my situation. He says he loves me, but all I can think of is, if he loves me, surely he'd want to see me more often than not?

Any input would be great. As I said, I know I'm being selfish a bit, so please don't be too harsh..

P. Breathnach

Why can't you be included? It doesn't have to be one or the other.

He chose not to see you on your birthday in order to spend time with his housemate and his girlfriend? Unacceptable. You don't need a boyfriend like that; you need an ex like that.

stargazer 68

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Why can't you be included? It doesn't have to be one or the other.

He chose not to see you on your birthday in order to spend time with his housemate and his girlfriend? Unacceptable. You don't need a boyfriend like that; you need an ex like that.

Have to agree - why aren't you invited?

rocketchick

I don't want to sound harsh but two people can have separate friends and don't have to live in each others pockets
he can't see you that night but he can see you another night from your post he was only coming over not that you you had planned some event with him that he was missing..
go out with your own friends that night and see him the next night

rocketchick

ok sorry i read the last part again
he missed YOUR birthday to be with her?
that is un excusable , whatever about the farewell drinks if he's your boyfriend its your birthday he should be with you end of , if he chooses not to then he's not worth it end of

LegacyUser

I agree with the statement, why can't I be included? I'm a person who doesn't invite herself to things, and hates asking can I attend, I prefer to wait and be asked, so this is why I haven't asked is it ok if I go.. And tbh, i don't even know if I want to go because of what happened with my birthday etc..

stargazer 68

maybebitselfish wrote: »

I agree with the statement, why can't I be included? I'm a person who doesn't invite herself to things, and hates asking can I attend, I prefer to wait and be asked, so this is why I haven't asked is it ok if I go.. And tbh, i don't even know if I want to go because of what happened with my birthday etc..

I would be the same OP - would never say can I come too. So don't know why he hasn't asked you to join them - its hardly going to be him and the couple going is it. Mssing your birthday to go out with friends is a no no. How long are you together? How old are you both?

P. Breathnach

maybebitselfish wrote: »

I agree with the statement, why can't I be included? I'm a person who doesn't invite herself to things, and hates asking can I attend, I prefer to wait and be asked, so this is why I haven't asked is it ok if I go.. And tbh, i don't even know if I want to go because of what happened with my birthday etc..

You should not have had to ask to be asked along on your birthday. The very least he should have done, without your having to ask, is invite you along to the get-together. It would have been better if he had told his housemate that there was something more important to him than going out with him and his girlfriend on your birthday.

LegacyUser

I'm 23, he is 26, we're going out for seven months. It won't be just him and the couple, it will be like the American's friend (another American), and his other housemates.. I don't know what to do..

ElleEm

Have you spoken to him about it?
I can see why he would blow you off for drinks tonight if she is going home tomorrow, but he could have invited you.
Did you discuss the birthday issue with him?

Some people don't know they're doing wrong unless they are told.

pixieprinny

Are you friendly with her or do you only pass yourself with her??

LegacyUser

I have only met her once, and it was late and we were both heading to bed so I didn't chat to her loads. I have talked to him about it. He doesn't understand where I come from though, the fact that I get upset because he doesnt ask me, he only thinks I want to butt in on him and his friends drinking, but I've told him I only wanna be invited when other girls are there so I can talk to them and maybe make new friends.. He's done this quite a number of times. For my birthday, he said he couldnt get away from his friends (he was in town), that he felt guilty for leaving them.. yet, he thought it was ok to leave me.

analucija

I would have no problems with farewell drinks but the birthday snub is more of a problem. I don't think he has any feelings for housemate's girlfriend (if you are afraid of that) but I'm guessing he likes to go drinking out with them. I think you are competing with his drinking buddies.

Mc Kenzie

you are right to feel this way op. i would. My bf would take me to parties where i didnt really know the people there. sometimes they were his friends others friends of friends. I dont understand why he doesnt include you. You should let him know how you feel. I understand that guys like to have guy nights and trips away fine, but something like his freinds girlfriends party why not bring you??

The Lovely Muffin

If you have already spoken to him and he cannot see where you are coming from, I would dump him.

Quite frankly, he is putting his drinking and his drinking buddies before you.

He is showing you zero consideration, I mean honestly, not doing anything with you on your birthday so he can go drinking with his friends? And then not inviting you on any nights out etc with them? He sounds selfish.

I know when my bf went away last new years without so much as a thought to me/our relationship and when he spent a few days afterwards with his friends barely seeing or speaking to me because he was so busy with them, I told him he needed to change his attitude because it's not fair for him to put drinking before me or our relationship.

There was absolutely no way in hell that I was going to sit around and hope that I'd see him whenever he wasn't seeing/drinking with his friends and I most certainly wasn't going to play second fiddle to his drinking either.

You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is 100% unacceptable and you aren'y going to stand for it a second longer.

Give him say, a month for example to change his behaviour, and if he doesn't change then dump him.

It is good and it is nice to have nights out with your friends without your partner, of course it is, but to exclude them from everything and snub them on their birthday to do drinking with friends is absolutely unacceptable.

Piliger

Hi OP - imho this is not good enough, all round. As someone else said above, I am not a follower of living in each other's pockets, but this is another thing entirely.

It sounds like this guy is dating you as a part time project.

Now that is fine ! if that is also what YOU want ....... if it's not then you need make a major move. You deserve more. You deserve a BF that is in to you the ay you are in to him. Not a part time girl friend.

Best wishes.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I think Pilinger is spot on. This guy really sounds like he's not that into you, I'm sure he likes you and enjoys the perks of having a girlfriend but her certainly doesn't sound like he's mad into you at all.

If I were you I'd drop him and find someone that's as mad about you as you are about him. What's the point otherwise?

Oh and the birthday thing? I would drop him for that alone, you wouldn't do that to a mate, never mind a partner, total d*ck move.

Best of luck.

johnr1

maybebitselfish wrote: »

I'm 23, he is 26, we're going out for seven months. It won't be just him and the couple, it will be like the American's friend (another American), and his other housemates.. I don't know what to do..

I'm not trying to be a dick here, but nobody else commented on this bit, and coupled with him missing your birthday to be with these people, do you think there could be any possibility that he may have a bit of a thing for 'the friend' and doesn't want you around them as a consequence?

They're going home, so chances are you'll never know, but tbh the birthday craic would have been enough to set me wondering.

Either watch him or dump him, and tbh, watching someone is a waste of time and effort, so my advice : Dump.

x Purple Pawprints x

I'd have to agree with most of what everyone else has said here OP. I can sort of understand the farewell drinks thing but as someone else said, there's no real reason why he wouldn't just invite you along IMO. Blowing you off on your birthday is inexcusable though. You need to sit down and talk to him, tell him this isn't on.

Eric Cartman

Just to ask OP , how much notice did you give him on these occasions OP .

I know well If I was invited to a going away drinks etc... weeks in advance then on the day of it I was asked to go elsewhere then id stay with my plans. If you asked him to come over / out before these things with the housemate were decided then fair enough, but if you wanted to just see your boyfriend last minute when he already had plans with the lads then you can hardly expect him to cancel, in those instances youll have to ask if you want to come along , im sure you could have went.