Going back to work after having baby

Shuwaaah

My question, in a nutshell, is going back to work with a 2-3 months after giving birth way too soon?

Basically there's a job opportunity where I could work 9-5, Monday to Friday (such family friendly hours are so thin on the ground these days), for better money than i would get for other entry level positions.
I lost my last job when i was 6 weeks pregnant and am scraping by on the dole, but am not entitled to maternity benefit. I live in the middle of nowhere and have next to no social life, and this coupled with boredom and financial stress is starting to crack me up big time.

I have a long history of recurring depression and am worried that it will come back if im sitting around like this for
the next 6-12 months. I love my son to bits and I know this time with him is precious, but is it worth risking not working for another year or so and having to resort to a job with awkward antisocial hours and not having any quality family time at all?

He's an extremely well-behaved baby, sleeps extremely well (9-11 hours most of the time), and is a very happy little man. If I was to go back to work, someone in the family would be minding him, he wouldn't be with a stranger. He's ten weeks old at the moment.

I haven't got the job yet and I know i am getting very ahead of myself but am I nuts (or even selfish) to even be considering this?

staticdoor71

i say go for it.. it will be hard at the start but by the sounds of things it may be good for you.

but bare in mind your baby will start weaning in the next six weeks which in itself is apparently a full time job.. have you someone your confident that is up for the job??

I've ten weeks left of maternity leave and dreading going back.. but its a case of we need the money.. and my oh has no job so he will be staying home with her.

if your son like my daughter is sleeping through the night.. it will probably just a matter of settling you guys into a little routine every morning and evening

How Strange

If you were living in the US you'd be back to work before then. If you feel it's the right thing for you then go for it.

dublinlady

How Strange wrote: »

If you were living in the US you'd be back to work before then. If you feel it's the right thing for you then go for it.

I agree with the others - you have to do what's best for you , ESP since ur lucky enough to have a family member to mind the baby! Once a baby has routine and loads of love I think they are happy out! Yours will be loved just as much by you and the time you spend together will be happier and more valued as your not feeling low from being lonely and home all day! Your baba will also get loads of love from their minder as its family! And u can still set the rules and routines for them to follow which represent your wishes as a parent!

As said above - in America they go back after 6 weeks!

I have to go back in 8-10 weeks financially and there's just no other way - u do what u have to for yourself and your family!

Hannibal Smith

Whether you go back at 3 months, 6 months or a year, you'll still feel guilty, so don't let that stop you. It sounds like a really good opportunity.

Presumably you've thought about childcare costs etc?

Best of luck with it.

liliq

The key thing here for me would be that you will have a family member minding him. I would make 100% sure that the family member is happy to make a commitment to minding though.
If it was a creche or a childminder I would be saying he's a bit young yet, and to try and hold off for another few months.

I hate with a passion the phrase happy mummy, happy baby- it's BS, BUT you do need to make sure you're in a good place as well, and if an outlet like work will help you with that, I say go for it.

What's the worst that could happen- it doesn't work out, you leave, and you're in no worse position than you are now. Nothing to lose really!

Mink

Definitely go for it, I would if in same situation as you.

It would be different if you said you'd given birth 2 weeks ago but 2-3 mths is often the norm in a lot of countries & a lot of self-employed mammies have to go back to work quite soon after the birth & their kids grow up fine!

Vel

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

Whether you go back at 3 months, 6 months or a year, you'll still feel guilty, so don't let that stop you.

I certainly didn't feel guilty going back to work after my son and daughter were born and don't know why people assume that is going to to be default emotion for all women in this situation. Going back to work was right for me for a number of reasons and when I'm in a good place and happy with my decisions and how they are going to impact on my family then that can only be of benefit to my children.

OP I suffered with post natal depression after the birth of my second child and going back to work was the best thing that happened to me. So don't feel guilty, do what you think is best for YOU, as a happy mum will lead to a happy baby

Hannibal Smith

Vel wrote: »

I certainly didn't feel guilty going back to work after my son and daughter were born and don't know why people assume that is going to to be default emotion for all women in this situation. Going back to work was right for me for a number of reasons and when I'm in a good place and happy with my decisions and how they are going to impact on my family then that can only be of benefit to my children.

OP I suffered with post natal depression after the birth of my second child and going back to work was the best thing that happened to me. So don't feel guilty, do what you think is best for YOU, as a happy mum will lead to a happy baby

I didn't assume it was going to be a default emotion for all women. The OP was asking in the last line of her post whether she was being selfish and I was responding to that.

Vel

But how do you know the OP will feel guilty when the time comes to go back? She may feel all sorts of emotions, apprehension, sadness etc. but not necessarily guilt. Just because she thinks she will doesn't necessarily mean she will

Hannibal Smith

Vel wrote: »

But how do you know the OP will feel guilty when the time comes to go back? She may feel all sorts of emotions, apprehension, sadness etc. but not necessarily guilt. Just because she thinks she will doesn't necessarily mean she will

Erm...why you getting so worked up about one word? My post was supportive and wishing her all the best.

Vel

Far from worked up thanks!:D I just think its unfair to tell a person who is obviously struggling with this decision that she WILL feel guilty because quite frankly, you don't know whether she will or not. I know when I was debating going back to work and struggling with PND I would have hated to be told by someone that I would definetely feel guilty and it would have made my decision much harder.

Hannibal Smith

Well vel, I'm sorry you have such issue with my post, but I think its very unfair and unfortunate to turn a well intentioned post into an argument because of your own issues. You've taken what I've said out of the context in which it was meant and even when I clarified it for you, you've continued with it.

There's no need for the thread to descend in an argument...we all mean well and for the op to continue with the decision that is right for her.

Good luck op

Vel

I thought this was a discussion forum? Just because people don't agree doesn't mean its necessarily an argument. And you didn't clarify, as you didn't answer me when I asked you how you know she will feel guilty.

I felt it was important in the context of the thread to challenge what you said as its a strong statement to make.

And on that note, I don't see any point continuing 'our' discussion any further.

As Hannibal Smith says, good luck OP.

lounakin

Shuwaaah, I'd say go for it too. You can always change your mind before signing your life away
10 weeks, your baby may still change his habits and stop sleeping through the night but that can also happen at 6 months and later so... If you're physically able, do what you got to do!

How Strange

I was delighted when I went back to work and am still thankful that I'm not at home fulltime. I think I'd go crazy. My manager says I'm super motivated since I came back from maternity leave.

However those first few days were tough and yes I did feel guilty as well as sad, nervous, exhausted.

It's an intense bond to break especially after spending months doing everything together.

So I think it's a fair assumption to say that the op may feel guilty for leaving her little one in someone else's care and going back to work. I did and I was practically running out the door.

LegacyUser

If you have no choice then there is no question to be asked.

My opinion is that at that age a child belongs with its Mother, Father second best.

I could never do that...never.

lounakin

No one should feel guilty though, at the end of the day baby wants a calm, happy and fulfilled mom

wmpdd3

I think 9-5 isnt bad, when I went back full time it was 8-6 so I say the baby from 6:30 to 7pm when she went to bed for the night. She'd wake at 9am.

That was hard, but if you just get 2 hrs a day with them, I'd say its do-able.

caprilicious

Shuwaah I think grab the opportunity with both hands! I'm in similar settings - live in the middle of nowhere, no social outlet & too broke to go out a lot.
I'm fine this time on maternity leave as with 2 kids I'm too busy to be lonely!
However I found maternity leave with my daughter very isolating.

As you said, jobs are so thin on the ground, this is a brilliant opportunity for you.

Congrats on the new job! & best of luck with returning to work

I was desperately sad last time returning to work (serious mammy guilt)
I'm returning on a 3 day week this time & as I know baby 1 never missed out on me being away from her all of 20 hours per week I can cope this time

Shuwaaah

Thanks for the advice all, it is very much appreciated. I decided to apply for the job :-)

I can see myself feeling a bit guilty if I do end up leaving the wee man but if its better for all of us in the long run then I need to live with my misplaced guilt and remind myself that it's for my sons own good that I went back working. If it proves too difficult for anyone involved, I'll just have to give it up and concentrate on enjoying the time with my son. Its great to know that im not the only one who wants to get out working this soon and that I wouldn't be the only one to feel bad about doing it either. :-)

Hannibal Smith

Shuwaaah wrote: »

Thanks for the advice all, it is very much appreciated. I decided to apply for the job :-)

I can see myself feeling a bit guilty if I do end up leaving the wee man but if its better for all of us in the long run then I need to live with my misplaced guilt and remind myself that it's for my sons own good that I went back working. If it proves too difficult for anyone involved, I'll just have to give it up and concentrate on enjoying the time with my son. Its great to know that im not the only one who wants to get out working this soon and that I wouldn't be the only one to feel bad about doing it either. :-)

Good for you. And no you wouldn't be the first or last to ask these questions, no matter how old your son is. A lot of us have been there.

Good luck.

ariana`

There's a few things that come with being a mother and unfortunately one of them is guilt! I'm convinvced it is just part of the job description. My son was 13mths when i returned to work and i felt guilty because it was harder on him at that age that it would have been 6mths earlier - he cried for weeks being dropped off and the girls in the Creche kept telling me it's easier when they're 6/7months old! You can't win!

So don't let guilt stop you, there will always be something to feel guilty about being a mum.

Congrats on making the decision to apply & best of luck with getting the job.

golden lane

Shuwaaah wrote: »

My question, in a nutshell, is going back to work with a 2-3 months after giving birth way too soon?

Basically there's a job opportunity where I could work 9-5, Monday to Friday (such family friendly hours are so thin on the ground these days), for better money than i would get for other entry level positions.
I lost my last job when i was 6 weeks pregnant and am scraping by on the dole, but am not entitled to maternity benefit. I live in the middle of nowhere and have next to no social life, and this coupled with boredom and financial stress is starting to crack me up big time.

I have a long history of recurring depression and am worried that it will come back if im sitting around like this for
the next 6-12 months. I love my son to bits and I know this time with him is precious, but is it worth risking not working for another year or so and having to resort to a job with awkward antisocial hours and not having any quality family time at all?

He's an extremely well-behaved baby, sleeps extremely well (9-11 hours most of the time), and is a very happy little man. If I was to go back to work, someone in the family would be minding him, he wouldn't be with a stranger. He's ten weeks old at the moment.

I haven't got the job yet and I know i am getting very ahead of myself but am I nuts (or even selfish) to even be considering this?

a happy....means a happy child......go for it, best of luck..