things getting worse not better.

LegacyUser

In the past couple of months, I feel like things have begun sliding downhill. I used to suffer from depression but I managed to pull myself out of it a couple of years before seeking professional help. My first couple of months in therapy were fantastic- I saw huge improvements in my mood, my confidence and in turn, my life.

After about 7months I decided to move abroad for a year. Had a brilliant time. I travelled loads, made lots of new friends and challenged myself in lots of new ways. I had to come home after the year (about a year ago now) but I was lucky in that my old employers gave me my job back. I'm living at home & have some close friends still around. Up until recently, everything was going fine. I started a college course & doing really well in it. I'm love my job but my personal life is falling apart.

I switched therapists to deal with a very specific problem that I've been having for years but have only had the courage to address now. Since then, I've been a huge ball of anxiety. My binge eating has gone out of control & I'm putting on more & more weight. My skin looks like sh*t. Although I'm able to discuss more & more the feelings I have about myself with friends & family, I've been feeling worse & worse.

I had a massive row with a family member last week & then a horrible confrontation with some people in work. With relation to the work stuff, my managers have given me full support & my co-workers have been supportive. But I can't help but feel they're all bitching about me behind my back. With regards to the row with my family member, the argument was over something that's been brewing for a long time. I know I haven't done anything wrong in either scenario but I can't stop blaming myself for the situations & feeling guilty.

I thought the therapy was going to help me feel better but things are just getting worse & worse. I'm terrified of being depressed again & I'm not sure what to do next. I can't stand myself anymore & i feel like i'm a horrible friend/sister/daughter/employee etc. My college work is starting to slide & there are days where I dont even leave the house or talk to anybody.

LegacyUser

Looks like you've come a long way which is great.

Positives: job you love, friends and a place to live as well as supportive workplace

Could you go see your old therapist as well for a session and talk things through with them to get you back on track?

In terms of eating and weight: I don't have insight into binging but I have started exercising and using myfitnesspal.com which has really helped me eating better and looking after myself.

Could you try starting each day with 20 minutes of exercise to kick start your day?

Just because you feel they might be bitching about you at work, doesn't mean that they are... there's a great book, The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns which has great exercises in dealing with those types of feelings (which are based on feelings rather than facts).

Sounds like you're going through a bad patch but it also sounds like you've really moved on and helped yourself aswell.

BehindTheScenes

If I was in your position I would think about seeking pharmaceutical help from your GP. Even if it's only a short term solution so that you could deal with the current slide and keep things level until you caught the upturn.

All the same a talk with your GP might not be a bad thing.