Friends hate me for bringing gifts to partys

LegacyUser

This may not seem like a massive thing but its something thats been getting to me the last year and it came to a head saturday night.

Iv been brought up to believe that if your invited somewhere you do not go with your hands hanging. Its the way my parents raised me. If i go somewhere either to a bbq, party, even a gathering in someone elses house i always bring somethin.

Now my friends hate this and constantly accuse me of making them look bad (because they dont bring things). I wont show up at a birthday party without a gift for the birthday person , i wont show up at a bbq without some wine for host etc, and they keep pullin me aside and giving out that im making them look scabby because they didnt bring anything.

Now last saturday my friends parents renewed their wedding vows after 40years together and my husband and i were invited. So i was a little low on cash that week so i only picked them up a little crystal vase thing that was on sale for 15e . Basically after we arrived gave them their gift 3 of my friends pulled me into the corner and told me they are sick of my sucking up (huh) and they are finished with me. When i asked for an explination they said that they didnt bring a gift and i arrive with one as usual and people look at them like they are scabby and they are sick of me showing them up.

These people have arrived at countless birthdays without a gift, were at loads of dinner partys and never even brought the host a bottle of wine, christnings communions weddings... They all came with their hands hanging, and they are trying to make me out to be some kind of suck up for bringing gifts to these occasions.

Im not sure what to do in this situation

The Lovely Muffin

Ignore them and continue on as you are.

If they don't want people to think they are tight/scabby and don't want to look bad then they should bring gifts and if they can't afford gifts, then maybe invite whoever over their house for dinner or something.

Giving out to you, pulling you aside, accusing you of making them look bad is out of line, in my opinion and the next time it happens I would tell them to cut it out and mind their own business.

curlzy

Hey OP,

How old are you and your friends? If you're all 14/15 just explain to them that it's good manners to bring something when you're invited to a gathering. If you're all over 20 then don't bother with them anymore and make some grown up friends that have some manners. Either way don't change your good manners to suit other people.

Best of luck.

LittleBook

Ftias wrote: »

This may not seem like a massive thing but its something thats been getting to me the last year and it came to a head saturday night.

Iv been brought up to believe that if your invited somewhere you do not go with your hands hanging. Its the way my parents raised me. If i go somewhere either to a bbq, party, even a gathering in someone elses house i always bring somethin.

Now my friends hate this and constantly accuse me of making them look bad (because they dont bring things). I wont show up at a birthday party without a gift for the birthday person , i wont show up at a bbq without some wine for host etc, and they keep pullin me aside and giving out that im making them look scabby because they didnt bring anything.

The ARE scabby. Fair enough if they were broke and couldn't afford to bring anything but this is not on. It's common courtesy to bring a gift to a birthday or a bottle of wine to a dinner party/barbecue.

Have a look at a few episodes of Come Dine With Me, the narrator makes a complete show of people who don't bring something to the dinner and the other guests comment on it regularly too.

Ftias wrote: »

Now last saturday my friends parents renewed their wedding vows after 40years together and my husband and i were invited. So i was a little low on cash that week so i only picked them up a little crystal vase thing that was on sale for 15e . Basically after we arrived gave them their gift 3 of my friends pulled me into the corner and told me they are sick of my sucking up (huh) and they are finished with me. When i asked for an explination they said that they didnt bring a gift and i arrive with one as usual and people look at them like they are scabby and they are sick of me showing them up.

These people have arrived at countless birthdays without a gift, were at loads of dinner partys and never even brought the host a bottle of wine, christnings communions weddings... They all came with their hands hanging, and they are trying to make me out to be some kind of suck up for bringing gifts to these occasions.

Im not sure what to do in this situation

They're showing themselves up and honestly OP, with friends like that, who needs enemies?! :eek:

ongarboy

Hi OP, I'm sorry to say that your "friends" are not your friends. No genuine friend would treat a mate like that. Whether you bring a gift or not is your prerogative and has nothing whatsoever to do with them.

As others said, tell them you have been brought up to always arrive at a function with a gift and will continue to do so and that the gift giving is a personal interaction between you and the host and certainly not to make you more popular in front of your other "friends" or to show them up. If they challenge this, tell them it is their problem if they have an issue with this.

If they said they are "finished" with you, it sounds like the only positive thing they have recently done for you. There are better friends out there for you.

Daisy M

I bet they dont complain when they are on the receiving end of your generosity. They sound like really mean spirited people, its amazing that you were ever friends with them.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

How old are you and your friends?

we are all between 26-30

curlzy wrote: »

If you're all 14/15 just explain to them that it's good manners to bring something when you're invited to a gathering.

LoL I know its patehic it sounds like a bunch of teenagers throwing a strop

curlzy wrote: »

If you're all over 20 then don't bother with them anymore and make some grown up friends that have some manners. Either way don't change your good manners to suit other people.

Best of luck.

Thanks. Well im 27 so i wont be bothering with them anymore, its just annoys me - i cant help how i was raised- and i couldnt go with my hands hanging id be mortified. I was worried id come across as snobby bringing gifts to things and hopefully im not. im as common as they come

calex71

jesus if I showed up invited at a pals place for a cup of tea i'd stop on the way to get biscuits, I'm like you OP if invited to something I would always bring something. Your pals are being tight sure what does a bottle of wine cost ? I bet they would be the 1st to complain if there wasn't enough booze at a bbq :rolleyes:

EGAR

I always bring something to a party etc and wouldn't dream of showing up empty handed. Bad mannered lot, your *friends*!

UrbanSea

Your friends sound like twats. I think you'd be better off without them

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest, people probably aren't looking at them and thinking they are scabby at all!! But they think people are looking at them and thinking they are scabby!

I know if I invite people to a party or bbq whatever, I don't expect anything. I don't expect people to bring something, I'm just happy that people come along and join in.

If someone does bring something then it's a bonus and I am very thankful - but I don't feel it is necessary and if one person brings something, it doesn't make me look at the ones who didn't bring something and think "scabby so-and-so"!

If they feel like that, it's intirely down to themselves. Nothing to do with you.

Pa Dee

Ftias wrote: »

This may not seem like a massive thing but its something thats been getting to me the last year and it came to a head saturday night.

Iv been brought up to believe that if your invited somewhere you do not go with your hands hanging. Its the way my parents raised me. If i go somewhere either to a bbq, party, even a gathering in someone elses house i always bring somethin.

Now my friends hate this and constantly accuse me of making them look bad (because they dont bring things). I wont show up at a birthday party without a gift for the birthday person , i wont show up at a bbq without some wine for host etc, and they keep pullin me aside and giving out that im making them look scabby because they didnt bring anything.

Now last saturday my friends parents renewed their wedding vows after 40years together and my husband and i were invited. So i was a little low on cash that week so i only picked them up a little crystal vase thing that was on sale for 15e . Basically after we arrived gave them their gift 3 of my friends pulled me into the corner and told me they are sick of my sucking up (huh) and they are finished with me. When i asked for an explination they said that they didnt bring a gift and i arrive with one as usual and people look at them like they are scabby and they are sick of me showing them up.

These people have arrived at countless birthdays without a gift, were at loads of dinner partys and never even brought the host a bottle of wine, christnings communions weddings... They all came with their hands hanging, and they are trying to make me out to be some kind of suck up for bringing gifts to these occasions.

Im not sure what to do in this situation

Don't bring gifts. It's putting unnecessary pressure on others who may be financially strained.

keep on giving. Manners are being eroded in this day and age. Nice to see someone still has them.

xzanti

Your friends seem to be an elite crew of miserable gits.. who take validation from each others miserableness.. you are throwing a spanner in the works by being a decent skin and they don't like it..

I (and anyone I know) would see it as 'the norm' to go to peoples events baring a gift.. Nothing "suck up" about it..

Were these people raised by wolves or something?

tinkerbell

OP your friends are miserable scabby gits. You on the other hand have good manners - you do not go to a party empty handed, if money is tight for your friends, surely the could afford an €8 bottle of wine or a €5 box of chocolates / sweets. Next time those fools give out toyoy, call them out on it - say they are a bunch of scabby freeloaders who expect everything for free without so much as a minor token of appreciation and then walk off.

leahyl

Christ, they are unreal! Telling you that they're 'finished' with you because you have the decency to bring a little something to anything you're invited to and they don't???!!:eek: I'm actually nearly speechless!

Get rid of them OP, how dare they speak to you like that and tell you what to do. I know I would have told them where to go by now:mad:

Tipperary animal lover

Wtf like op, tell them to f off, I'm laughing away to myself here, when they cornered you at the party you should have told them to lighten up and stayed away from them and enjoyed the rest of the party!!!
Your not in school any more if they were truely your friends nothing would be said or they would be taken de p..s out of you for bringing a present AGAIN!!
My god you don't need friends like that, what your husband say to all this? you most have other friends who really take you for who you are!!

LegacyUser

Pa Dee wrote: »

Don't bring gifts. It's putting unnecessary pressure on others who may be financially strained.

if they can afford to come to the party and drink all night they can afford gifts.

carolinespring

What a load of tossers. Keep doing what you are doing and find some real friends and not a bunch of moody spoiled brats.

Anytime I call round to a friend, I would always take something, nice coffee, sweets, apple tart, flowers, its simple manners. Only costs a 2 or 3 euro.

I don't expect gifts but am delighted when some one gives me one, no matter what the cost.

I would never turn up at a dinner party without something, wine, flowers, coffee etc. Just a little something to show my thanks.

Same for a birthday party, depending on how well I know the person it could be as simple as a couple of lotto tickets in a card to perfume/jewellery/gift voucher

qwertytlk

Ftias wrote: »

This may not seem like a massive thing but its something thats been getting to me the last year and it came to a head saturday night.

Iv been brought up to believe that if your invited somewhere you do not go with your hands hanging. Its the way my parents raised me. If i go somewhere either to a bbq, party, even a gathering in someone elses house i always bring somethin.

Now my friends hate this and constantly accuse me of making them look bad (because they dont bring things). I wont show up at a birthday party without a gift for the birthday person , i wont show up at a bbq without some wine for host etc, and they keep pullin me aside and giving out that im making them look scabby because they didnt bring anything.

Now last saturday my friends parents renewed their wedding vows after 40years together and my husband and i were invited. So i was a little low on cash that week so i only picked them up a little crystal vase thing that was on sale for 15e . Basically after we arrived gave them their gift 3 of my friends pulled me into the corner and told me they are sick of my sucking up (huh) and they are finished with me. When i asked for an explination they said that they didnt bring a gift and i arrive with one as usual and people look at them like they are scabby and they are sick of me showing them up.

These people have arrived at countless birthdays without a gift, were at loads of dinner partys and never even brought the host a bottle of wine, christnings communions weddings... They all came with their hands hanging, and they are trying to make me out to be some kind of suck up for bringing gifts to these occasions.

Im not sure what to do in this situation

I don't think your doing anything wrong, your not making your friends look scabby. You don't need to, theyre doing a fine job of that all by themselves! I would never dream of going to someone's birthday without a gift, it's absloutley stingey! If you can't afford a gift you can get a card, with a lotto slip or something small.
So don't worry about them, if this is their attitude toward you then your better off without them tbh.

Katgurl

OMFG if anything you should be finished with THEM.

What a bunch of scabby, bad-mannered, immature fools. I always bring somethign small, its pretty standard behaviour.

Just laugh them off and say "you're joking right, you brought nothing?! I'd be mortified but each to their own I suppose..."

jimmycrackcorm

If they can't even spend €6 on a cheap bottle of wine going to a BBQ then tell them they are scabby and that you don't want them to make you scabby too.

Ham Sambo

Well the scabby shower of so and so's!!!, you can come to my next party so you can!!

ncmc

Pa Dee wrote: »

Don't bring gifts. It's putting unnecessary pressure on others who may be financially strained.

I totally disagree with this, you can get a passable bottle of wine in Lidl for €4. Or you could offer to make a dessert, a plate of sandwiches or a bowl of salad if that was too much of a stretch for you.

Are you honestly saying that you would turn up to a party/bbq/event with absolutely nothing? Would you then proceed to drink the hosts alcohol all night and eat their food? I am staggered by that attitude to be honest, I love it when someone has a party in the house rather than a pub, it means a cheap night out for me because I will bring a bottle of wine and a box of chocs… cost €20, for me and my husband to go to a party in a pub, we’re looking at €60 minimum.

OP, as you can see from all the replies here, you are totally in the right. Don’t change one bit to suit these miserly scabs. They are certainly not friends if they are ‘finished with you’ over something so small. Keep up with your good manners and hopefully find a better set of friends!