You're not having a C-Section, are ya?

emmabrighton

I need to have a rant. I am stuck in hospital for the forseeable future because of complications with my pregnancy with the very real chance that something could go very wrong and the doctors will have to act fast to save my babys life.

I told one of my friends who came in to visit me that I was worried that I would have to have a "classical cut" c-section which would mean I would never be able to have a normal delivery ever again and her response was "you're not having a c-section, are ya?" Her insensitive response has really bothered me for the past two days.

You would swear I had said to her that I planned on eating my baby after I delivered it. I am bothered because I am so worried that my baby won't survive and her perception is you are a bad mother if you have a c-section.

Have any of you ever experienced such negative opinions about c-sections and how have you dealt with it? I am really upset. The only thing i can think of her responding this way is that she thinks I have a choice in the matter and like those headlines from a couple of years ago, she thinks that I am too posh to push.

It is so hurtful! She does not have kids and I dont think she is the maternal type but she has in her naieve opinion thinks that you are not a real mother if you are not having a natural home delivery so as I am in hospital with the very real possibility of having a c-section, that I am taking the easy way out. I am so upset by her response that I am thinking of avoiding her for the rest of my pregnancy.


Rant over!

How Strange

emmabrighton wrote: »

! She does not have kids!

that's why she would say something that ridiculous. If I were in your position I'd do anything to have a healthy baby in my arms. At the end of the day that's all that matters.

Forget about her but if she's coming in to visit you again don't let her away with being so insensitive.

abouttobebanned

The bond that happens between a mother and a baby happens in the womb for 9 months. How the child is brought into the world is irrelevant as long as the child is healthy.

Our baby was a c-section and everything was perfect.

Neyite

Your friend is an idiot. Few women would opt for a C-section as it complicates future deliverys, is major surgery, and is used when there is a very valid reason for it.

I would actually tell her the next time that her comment was hurtful and insensitive - that she clearly knows nothing about the topic, and if she was a true friend she would be supportive and reassuring, and understand that a C-section is necessary.

My son is a C-section delivery. I knew from the moment my waters broke and there was meconium there that it was a distinct possibility I would not be delivering vaginally, and thats exactly what happened. They gave me as long as they could to dialate but had to go in as his heart rate was starting to be a concern. I would not have cared how they got him out, as long as he was healthy, and he was.

My recovery was fine too - dont worry. The post op discomfort quickly wears off. I was up and about (slowly) the morning after, and 7 weeks on I'd never know I had one only for the scar.

taxus_baccata

Hi EmmaB, I can understand how upset you are, but maybe your freind is a bit like me, I'm ALWAYS putting my foot in it! Maybe she was shocked that after all you've been through, that you have more to undergo! Are you sure she ment it in the way that you thought?

I realise now that people say the most ridiculous things to us pregnant ladies, and I have been that person in the past. I remember asking a friend of mine when she announced her pregnancy "so are ya delighted?" of course she was flipping delighted, it was a totally stupid question, I was morto after! I put my foot in it rightly yesterday too, my sister and law and I were chatting about a girl we know who recently gave birth to a baby that was around the 6 lb mark. My sister in law is really good friends with the girl and though that the weight was a bit low (well considering the size of the parents and the baby was full term) I was saying that sure the HUGE babies can end up with other problems (I read something in the paper a few weeks ago) I had totally forgotton that sister in laws two babies were massive :eek:! Aggghhh back peddling galore going on! I think I'll have to apologise to her the next time I see her in person.

Anyway EmmaB my point is maybe your friend is just a bit blonde, inexperienced and away with the faries. She did come to visit you in the hospital. . . .so I say, if you're still upset, let her know how you feel. On the other hand if you think that her remarks were malicious cut her off, you don't need that in your life either!

PS Glad to hear that you are well, you're on the home straight now!

emmabrighton

Thanks guys, 28 weeks today. Next big milestone 32 weeks. I know thats 4 weeks away but thats wishful thinking

I would say that you're all right, she is just a bit blonde and hasn't a clue what she was talking about. Maybe my reaction came from the fact that I feel bad because I wanted to be the "hippy earth mother" but babies have a way of dictating their own deliveries and won't get a chance.

You're right, she did come in for a visit and she is a good friend she just hasn't a clue. I think I should set her straight cos its really not fair on her or me if she keeps accidentally putting her foot in it and doesn't realise shes doing something upsetting.

Thanks for making me feel better.

xzanti

People can be insensitive can't they :mad:

I remember when I had my Son, (Emergency C Section) and we were talking about a mutual friends of ours who also had a C Section, and I asked her "why did **** have to have her section?"

Her response was "ah same as you, too posh to push"

I was furious :mad:

Stupid people and their stupid comments.. grrrrrrrrrrrr

Paparazzo

OP, does your friend have any children? I can't believe anyone that has kids and listened to everything at the hospital ante natal classes could say something like that. Basically, your mate is completely ignorant, I would completely ignore her. If the doctors/midwife think you need a c-section, have a c-section and forget about what your idiot friend said!

January

I wouldn't get too upset over it. Some people don't realise that people have to have c sections for medical reasons and they're all for people who are "too posh to push".

Just tell her next time that you're having a c section because your babies life depends on it.

Moonbeam

You poor thing:(
I hope everything works out for you and the baby .

Hannibal Smith

Jees I hope you're okay...sounds pretty tough for you right now.

I find the attitude towards c-section tough at times. I didn't care what way my babies came out as long as they came out safe and well. I remember on both occasions the doctors breaking it to me in the labour ward that they were worried about the babies and a section was the only way. They broke it to me so gingerly, like I was going to argue the fact with them! Like I was seriously going to contradict them!

After having two now, I'm sick of the whole....what would you know you never pushed your baby out attitude I'm getting. Like I didn't earn my kids or something. There is an attitude out there about sections, like they're the easy way out. Unfortunately it's something I can't contradict, because I don't know the difference.

Anyhow, do not worry. If you have to have a section it's a horizontal cut just under your tummy. My first one was three years ago and the scar is completely invisible now. The second one is 8 months and it's disappearing. They are so discreet, you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for them.

As for future labours, I've read plenty of women on here who have had normal deliveries on subsequent pregnancies, so that whole you'll never push a baby out is a myth it seems.

Hope your pregnancy complications ease and you're holding your baby before you know it xx

Ms2011

OP I hope your baby comes into the world safe & well x

My son was born by emergancy section & sometimes you do get people who cut you out of a 'labour conversation' as though my child appeared by magic with no effort from me & I need to remind them that I had hours of (drug-free) labour before I was sectioned.

At the end of the day how your children are born is irrelvant, we would all walk over hot coals for them :-)

Cunning Stunt

IGNORE HER COMMENTS.
I suffered a loss at birth after a natural labour went wrong, and if I had the chance to go back and insist on a c-section I would do it in a heartbeat and feck the begrudgers.
It is not a 'cop out', it's about ensuring the wellbeing of your child. If the hospital recommend that you need a c-section, then you do it and don't look back.
All the best.

emmabrighton

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

IGNORE HER COMMENTS.
I suffered a loss at birth after a natural labour went wrong, and if I had the chance to go back and insist on a c-section I would do it in a heartbeat and feck the begrudgers.
It is not a 'cop out', it's about ensuring the wellbeing of your child. If the hospital recommend that you need a c-section, then you do it and don't look back.
All the best.

Oh my God Cunning Stunt - that is such a sad story. You poor thing. That made me cry. My thought are with you and I hope you are ok now.

To be honest, this is a huge fear that is hanging over me like a big black cloud. What if I sit here for the next 10 weeks and I think everything is going well only to end up with the baby dying minutes/hours/days after delivery. I have said it before and I know I will say it again, things are just not supposed to happen this way. No one should have to worry the length of their pregnancy.

Cunning Stunt

I doubt you will have any such problems - what happened to me was very unfortunate and not something that happens often. I just meant that if they think you should have a c-section then there is good reason and you should go with that and don't mind what anyone says about it.
Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

Xdancer

OP don't let what your friend said get to you. The few people who are "too posh to push" have given c sections a bad name. The safety of your baby comes first.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes ok. Take care of yourself and your baby.

TwoMums2Be

Cunning stunt I'm so very sorry for your loss and only wish there was a way for you to go back & have a section! I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you.

Emma they are looking after you & keeping a close eye on your pregnancy - that is all that matters! If it comes to you needing a section then so be it

I wish those who go on about natural births, drug free etc would take a minute to think about why it's so important to them & is their child getting into the world in the safest way possible (whichever way that may be) not the most important thing :rolleyes:

I hope your friend was just being a ditz with her comments but if she carries on you need to tell her how her comments make you feel