Is this the end of our relationship?

LegacyUser

So some background, I met this great guy while in college, things moved pretty fast emotionally and we fell in love after only a few months. On a practical level we worked really well together balancing each other out and bringing lots of happiness into each other's lives.
Then the summer approached and we were no longer close by any more as we live on opposite sides of the country.
At first this was a really hard pill for us to swallow, but we quickly made plans to see each other every few weeks, travelling up and down. This worked for the first month but then one weekend after seeing him things started to cool down a little.
We'd usually talk on the phone every night but suddenly this stopped, he suddenly became ''busy'' in the evenings when we'd chat on Facebook and even during the day so we wouldn't really text much.
At first I was a little concerned, but I put it down to paranoid-girlfriend impulses and decided to let it slide for a few days.
It continued for about 5 days and I became quite upset, although I didn't say anything to him.
In my head I'd convinced myself that this was the beginning of him losing interest in me, I started moping around my family home sobbing, but when we rarely exchanged messaged I maintained my cool front, appearing to be immune to his distance.
I think I become distant myself as a form of protection.
During that time I even stopped leaving ''I love you''s on the end of my goodnight texts and just left an X instead, I'm unsure if he noticed but for whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to write it since I felt quite hurt.
I managed to confide my worries in one friend who instructed me to mention it to him, but being stubborn (perhaps more so afraid) I decided I'd wait it out a while for something more obvious to suggest there was a problem.
After about a week, I received a text from him apologising for his distance, saying he'd been busy and that it's all good now. He even mentioned that he missed me.
I then responded saying that ''Ah it's cool, it happens. I'm bad for texting too sometimes. I missed you too'', hoping that everything would just resolve itself and I wouldn't have to bring any of it up.
Since then things haven't been quite the same as they used to be, we talk on the phone but it feels like there's something missing. He doesn't seem quite as interested as he once was and I don't feel that we're as close.
We haven't seen each other in over two weeks now and there's no immediate plans to see each other in the future except for tickets we had bought for a gig that's over a month away.
I used to feel loved and wanted, but I don't feel that any more. He says ''I love you'' when we say goodbye on the phone, but it feels like something that's said out of necessity rather than affection. Other than those three words, it feels like we're just normal friends these days. We were never much of a lovey-dovey couple in terms of showering each other with words of affection but it's completely left us.
I love him so much, but if he doesn't want to be with me then I won't fight my case. I'd never want him to be with someone he didn't love.

Do you think he's fallen out of love with me? I'm wondering if this is in any way similar to the build up to a break up that anyone else has experienced.

LegacyUser

You're going to go mad wondering until you talk to him properly and honestly. You need to talk and find out.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hey OP

AM sorry to read this - I can hear how sad you sound.

It sounds like you are both playing a game of cat and mouse and skirting around the issue.

If he goes quiet, you back off as well which probably makes him feel you are not interested either.

There are no definite plans to meet up again soon, and that seems to be because neither of you have made any plans - that should be a two-way street.

I think it is time to bit the the bullet and make a trip to see him - or meet halfway somewhere nice if you want - and be 100% honest with him about how you feel.

Yes, it makes you vulnerable, but you cannot continue like this. You need to know where you stand either way.

Whatever happens, you will be OK, so remember that. If his heart is not in it anymore, you are best to know now than drag this out and hurting yourself more in the process.

He invited me to spend a weekend at his family home a few weeks ago, gorgeous house, loving family, I had a really good time.
I've love to be able to reciprocate but my family isn't quite as functional as his and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable having him down for a weekend, not because of him but my family. A lot of things have happened in the past and it's not a very happy place, I don't really want to bring him into that. I don't want him to feel like I don't want him to meet them because of him though. I've worried about that.

I won't be able to visit him until the weekend after next and I'm afraid that might be too long before mentioning anything. Do you think it would be okay to bring up the topic over Facebook? I feel I can collect my thoughts and articulate myself better through text. I feel if I mentioned it in person or on the phone I'd end up crying or something.

I was wondering how I might bring it up in a sensitive yet assertive way? ''Hey I wanted to ask you about something, I've noticed things between us have been different lately, maybe because of the distance or whatever. I don't know if you've noticed it too?''

Mc Kenzie

Why not ask him over facebook! If this feels better for you rather than waiting and building it all up until its difficult to ask face to face than do whats easier for you .

i think it would be fine to ask him, otherwise if you dont say anything, you might regret it and bring about insecurities. just ask is everything ok when its just the two of you . what could be the harm and if there is a problem its better finding out now then later.
I hope it all works out

dearg lady

I wouldn't bring it up over facebook or text, these things are too easy to misinterpret! If it's too long til you see him next then I would speak to him on the phone about it.

IrishEyes19

I would seriously advise against saying it over fb, as another poster said, its too easy to mis-interpret over text/fb, plus its too easy to say what the other person wants to hear. you need to be able to express yourself properly and to work with his tone of voice when you say your piece. I know its daunting but its the only way forward.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.
You seem like a really nice girl and i'm sure your bf knows this! I think it's just the distance is a problem at the moment. When couples are apart it is just normal to get a little bit fed up with texts or phone calls. I don't think this is due to him not feeling the same about you.

I think there is no harm in bringing it up in a text. But just make sure to word it correctly. Don't sound nagging or demanding just tell him how your feeling and that your just a little bit worried. Would do no harm to throw in a little sad face at the end too and tell him that you miss him.
He might have been feeling the same and maybe the 2 of you will end up being really excited about seeing each other again in a couple of weeks

Best of luck and I really hope it works out for you