Girlfriend looked through facebook/browser history.

okioffice84

Just thought I'd sound this one out here. Broke up a few days ago after 9 months.
My gf had been looking through my internet history, she was suspicious I was cheating on her and she saw that I had been looking at fb pics of other women (no porn or anything like that). I can honestly say I would never cheat on her, but I was looking at the pics.
She then tried to bluff me by telling me that someone had told her that I had slept with them. I felt so sorry for her that she thought she had to do this to get the 'truth' from me.

I have to admit I did lie to her before by telling her that I wasn't looking at pics of other women but I could never have cheated on her. She was always suspicious/jealous from the beginning of the relationship. But I'm just wondering could it be salvageable...has anyone dealt with anything similar?

Big Bag of Chips

Is it salvageable? Well only you can answer that. Are you happy to stay with her knowing she is jealous and will always be suspicious of you and trying to "catch you out"?

If the answer to that is 'yes', then its salvageable.

Vicxas

okioffice84 wrote: »

Just thought I'd sound this one out here. Broke up a few days ago after 9 months.
My (ex)gf had been looking through my internet history, she was suspicious I was cheating on her and she saw that I had been looking at fb pics of other women (no porn or anything like that). I can honestly say I would never cheat on her, but I was looking at the pics.
She then tried to bluff me by telling me that someone had told her that I had slept with them. I felt so sorry for her that she thought she had to do this to get the 'truth' from me.

I have to admit I did lie to her before by telling her that I wasn't looking at pics of other women but I could never have cheated on her. She was always suspicious/jealous from the beginning of the relationship. But I'm just wondering could it be salvageable...has anyone dealt with anything similar?

Hi OP, My GF was looking at my emails and found emails i had been sending to a work colleague of mine who happens to be a girl, they were harmless emails but she still had a go at me about them.

Honestly it sounds to me like she doesnt trust you. Question is, can you live with that?

SunnyDub1

Wow your GF has serious trust issues. Her behavior sounds worrying.

She sounds like someone who will soon have you deleting your fb, and not allowing you to have a life away from her. JMO

You looked at a few pic of FB, big deal.... Isn't that one of things facebook is all about.
It's not like you where chatting/flirting with these girls.

I would always see me ex looking at other woman, and browsing stuff online but at the end of the day - he is human and it Never effected our relationship , I trusted him and I know he never would or never did cheat on me.

IMO it is only human for men/woman to look at other men/woman, whether is be on the internet or in the street.

SineadMarie

My bf broke up with me last week for the same issues. Didnt trust me just because i talked to my male friends on fb. Im gutted but its his issues on mine.

To be honest if there is no trust there it will never work its better that you know this now.

P. Breathnach

okioffice84 wrote: »

... But I'm just wondering could it be salvageable...

I assume (a) that you are interested in salvaging things, and (b) she might also be interested in renewing the relationship.

Her behaviour indicates insecurity. That might reflect bad experiences she had in the past, or it might reflect your giving her some wrong signals (for example, teasing her and managing to hit the wrong buttons).

If you try again, you will both need to work on her insecurity. That's easily said, but not quite so easy to accomplish.

You can sacrifice some privacy in order to keep her reassured, but you can't have a healthy partnership where one or both of you have to give up all your privacy.

Did you admit your lie about looking at pictures of other women? It's really no biggie to own up to that, and you can tell her (I hope truthfully) that you lied to spare her feelings and your own embarrassment. You can also tell her that looking at the pictures is quite harmless, and that she would need to adjust her mindset so that she can accept that - even though that might be a big ask of her, if she is deeply insecure.

Only you (both of you) can judge if the relationship is worth the work, and the discomfort that you will both have to endure until you sort things out.

okioffice84

Thanks for the replies.

I knew she was insecure, which probably arose from a past incident(s), her parents divorced and an ex fooling around, and I had tried to reassure her that I would never cheat. She would constantly ask (what I thought were) invasive Qs about where I was and who I'd been with.
The other day I was with her on the street and I met a girl I used to work with, I pretended not to notice the girl as I was concerned about the reaction of my gf.
The only reason I'm asking is it salvageable is that other than her insecurity she really is a lovely beautiful person who was always very kind and thoughtful towards me. I did own up to looking at the pics but tried to explain, in the heat of an argument, that it was just me 'clicking through' which is the truth. I had not been and never could have been doing anything more with these people.

Taltos

okioffice84 wrote: »

The other day I was with her on the street and I met a girl I used to work with, I pretended not to notice the girl as I was concerned about the reaction of my gf.

OP - this screams at me that it is past time to get her to face reality or for you to leave.
Not kidding here - as long as you enable her insecurities she stands a good chance of getting worse - and your own emotional well being then is put at risk.

Do you really want to be that guy in 5 years that sits at home afraid to talk to anyone in case you are accused of cheating? I mean - that woman you ignored on the street - she has every right to be annoyed and I can only imagine what she has told co-workers/friends.

Podgers

OP Taltos is bang on there,

i used to go out with a girl that would go insane if she seen me talking to other girls, i had friends that were girls and seen them no different but she would react badly, i thought by not giving her a reason to react it would be better but this is not the case, her insecurities will always be there.

she has to accept who you are and take your word, having a history of being cheated on or parents doing the same etc is not an excuse for that behaviour, you cant tar all with the same brush. you will later resent her for it. they only way she will overcome her insecurities is by facing them, if there's no trust there's no relationship

SheFiend

Elvis had something to say about this.. We can't go on together with suspicious minds. You should feel free to talk to who you like without fear of her reaction. It's just not healthy to have to walk on eggshells

okioffice84

Ok, thanks all. Have not decided completely on what to do but thanks for the honest input.

MrBinbetweener

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Post moved to the correct thread.
Taltos

LegacyUser

okioffice84 wrote: »

The other day I was with her on the street and I met a girl I used to work with, I pretended not to notice the girl as I was concerned about the reaction of my gf.

Thats just nuts - you are supposed to enjoy being in a relationship not walking on eggshells in case you upset the other person. There is cleary no trust on her part and if she is that insecure that you can't even say hello to a girl you previously worked with I would be running a mile.