Healed heart, ready for love again

LegacyUser

Hi all, am a 39 yr old woman whos out the other end of a horrific break up...Thank God!!!! Have kids and am v happy now there are doing well and I'm doing pretty well too... TBH, am feeling v happy and enjoying life despite its complications... And after 3.5 years of mourning a marriage am hugely optimistic and looking for a partner in crime...NOT a new husband but a play mate to enjoy spending time with.. Am still not 100 percent happy with my appearence, but am working on that.. (am quite attractive but need toget myself back in sHAPE AGAIN, FOR MY OWN SAKE)
Anyway i suppose what am asking is help on starting a whole new chapter inmy life... I am not doing internet sites or speed dating or any of that stuff, am old fashioned girl and believe physical chemistry and energy is 100 percent needed in starting a relatioship.. but where do i start?? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
Ta

username123

Sunny Gal wrote: »

Anyway i suppose what am asking is help on starting a whole new chapter inmy life... I am not doing internet sites or speed dating or any of that stuff, am old fashioned girl and believe physical chemistry and energy is 100 percent needed in starting a relatioship.. but where do i start??

Pity youve ruled out internet dating, it can be a good way to start off, meeting a few people online, getting some flirty messages etc before committing to meeting up - can be good for the self esteem.

However - I think one of the best ways of meeting someone is through friends. You must have friends who know single men in your age group?

Join groups - traditionally people recommend salsa dancing etc, but whatever you are into, cooking, walking etc...

Join a gym and do classes. Itll help you get back in shape and itll help you meet new people.

Youve really just got to put your sociable hat on and get out there and interact whatever way you can, the more people you meet, the more chance you have of meeting someone who floats your boat.

Herrick

Eh isn't Speed Dating in person? Therefore physical? I can't see the difference between a quick chat at a SD event and getting chatting to someone in a pub or something.

LegacyUser

username 123, thanks, will take your advice Will ask my mates and join the gym...cheers

HERRICK, what I should have said was I want to meet someone in a natural way, in the flesh.... I have tried both speed dating and internet dating briefly, I just found speed dating forced and intense... and not very enjoyable, and internet datiing, while I did meet nice guys, when we met in person I felt absolutely NO CHEMISTRY...

Thanks for replies

ash23

I was single for 4 years after a relationship ended. I had a child and so I focussed on her and on myself for a few years before I felt ready for relationships again.

Initially after the breakup I dipped my toe in the whole online dating thing but I hated it to be honest. I wanted to meet someone in a traditional way, someone local, someone I could see and speak to without the sole purpose being to "date".

I made sure to socialise a lot with my friends and I accepted every invitation I was given. It's too easy to make excuses to not go out. I got my friends in on it too and the set me up with single men they knew. It was very easy to meet guys who were just after a bit of fun. None of it really amounted to much and to be honest, at the time, that was ok with me because I didn't want anything serious.I was still licking my wounds!

Once I decided I wanted something more it became a lot harder. I had to cut out all the messers and the ones I knew would amount to nothing. It took a year or so before I met someone who was interested in more than a fling. I met him a few times through friends before we properly started talking and then he asked me out.
However if you are just looking for some fun or a fling, you should have no problems. But something more meaningful will take time. And it will also require a good bullsh*t detector
You need to not waste time, energy and emotions on someone who isn't treating you right. Because while you waste time on them you will miss the ones who will treat you properly.
It's also worth bearing in mind that many people don't want to date a single parent or a divorcee. And you can't take that personally, it is their perogative. Personally, I preferred being totally upfront about my situation as it felt devious to not tell someone I had a child. It also saved me wasting time on someone who wasn't interested in someone with kids.

username123

ash23 wrote: »

I made sure to socialise a lot with my friends and I accepted every invitation I was given. It's too easy to make excuses to not go out.

Ash23 - thats a real nail on the head quote right there!!

The more invites you accept, the more you will get. People stop inviting people who never go, but if you go, you get asked to more stuff.

Another one I thought of was maybe taking one of those singles holidays - despite us all probably having the perception that they are all orgies for 18-30s, I think the reality is different and its just another way of meeting new people, particularly if you do some kind of activity or go to some place that absolutely requires a tour guide for a group like china or russia etc...