We were on a break

LegacyUser

As the title goes was on a break from the boyfriend as we hadnt been getting on particularly well. Went on girls night out and ended up kissing someone, it meant nothing and no numbers or anything were exchanged. A week later the boyfriend and myself ended up getting back together, not wanting to lie to him I told him about the kiss and now he says that i cheated on him and broke up with me.

I know it sounds very Ross and Rachel but what is you're perception of a "break"?

username123

Agree with previous poster.

Assume your bf thinks a break is a break from contact but not from the relationship? At least - thats a convenient definition when you get a snog during it and he doesnt! Pure rubbish, whats the point of a break if you are not free to do as you please?

A drunken kiss, he must be very young or immature if he broke up with you over something as small as this that happened during a break.

Leave him there, if he wants to come back he will. You didnt do anything wrong, dont go crawling to him begging forgiveness because it just makes it look as though you did.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I disagree. If you're on a "break" I think you should take some time to yourself, stay away from the dating scene. (which includes kissing strangers in nightclubs)

Save that for when you agree to break up permanently.

P. Breathnach

My perception of what a break is is irrelevant to you and your now ex.

The problem is that people have different views. Some take a break as a licence to act as a single person to the point of bedhopping as much as they can manage; the other extreme is to view the break as time apart for re-considering a relationship, but maintaining exclusivity (albeit in a state of suspense).

It seems that you treated the break as a licence to act like a singleton, and he didn't see it that way. Nobody is right or wrong: you were on different wavelengths. I can understand his hurt.

I don't know if you should do anything about things. It depends on whether you are seeing this man as a boyfriend or as the love of your life. If the latter, you might need to work on getting him to accept/forgive [delete one] your behaviour.

Setun

WeWereOnABreak wrote: »

As the title goes was on a break from the boyfriend as we hadnt been getting on particularly well. Went on girls night out and ended up kissing someone, it meant nothing and no numbers or anything were exchanged. A week later the boyfriend and myself ended up getting back together, not wanting to lie to him I told him about the kiss and now he says that i cheated on him and broke up with me.

I know it sounds very Ross and Rachel but what is you're perception of a "break"?

My perception of this 'on a break' stuff is that it's a load of rubbish - what does it mean exactly? It's a nonsense idea seemingly imported from a sitcom that people have started using as a form of relationship therapy, which rarely seems to resolve anything judging by the threads that appear here occasionally. Either be brave and break up and be open to seeing other people, or sit down together and try to figure out how to solve the contentious issues as a couple. It's better to be decisive and strict with yourself at such times and choose one or the other. This middleground of being 'on a break' is only a mechanism that enables you to revert back to the safety of companionship if the grip of loneliness seems too much.

Podgers

I respect your honesty with him but personally i wouldn't have said anything, i think what you do on a "break" is irrelevant.

If i was him i would be happier not knowing because i would feel somewhat inadequate that i could be replaced so quickly to speak, even though that is the reality of relationships, we can be replaced. i say that is might what have gotten to him.

personally a break to me would mark the end of a relationship, its either all or nothing.

HowItIs

I think the issue here is not what the accepted definition of fidelity is when people are on a break but more how soon after ye broke up did you kiss this other guy? And how long had ye been together before the "break"?

If ye were together for 6+ months and you were kissing some other guy within a week of this "break" that would indicate to me that you were never really into the relationship.

However by the same logic if ye'd only been together a few weeks then he needs to grow up. Or if this kissing happen weeks/months after the "break" was initiated then same deal.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

HowItIs wrote: »

I think the issue here is not what the accepted definition of fidelity is when people are on a break but more how soon after ye broke up did you kiss this other guy? And how long had ye been together before the "break"?

If ye were together for 6+ months and you were kissing some other guy within a week of this "break" that would indicate to me that you were never really into the relationship.

However by the same logic if ye'd only been together a few weeks then he needs to grow up. Or if this kissing happen weeks/months after the "break" was initiated then same deal.

+1
When I read the OP my first thought was "little madam".
If the roles were reversed and he'd confessed to kissing another so soon, before you'd agreed to go separate ways, what way would you feel?

Piliger

HowItIs describes how I see it very well.

Lesson learnt OP ... uncontrolled truth telling is not always the way to go.

Sappa

Op you've nothing to worry about,a kiss is a bit of fun.
Next time your on a break go out and sleep with someone.