Alone for ever?

LegacyUser

I am a 24 year old guy but all is now well as I am becoming Billy No Mates and to add to matters I have as much as touched a girl in over 5 years now and its starting to get to me. I thought by this stage in my life I would have a lot more experience with women but obviously that is not the case.

In regard to women the main problem is I fear rejection and I also fear people seeing me being rejected as I think if I get rejected I will be seen as weak, stupid I know as not putting myself in the game I will never win. I am not as social as I used to be in college, there I had a great group of friends never used to go back to my home town, always doing stuff. I was always meeting people then and my problem was going in for the kill so to speak.

After finishing college a got a job with a big company (15 months ago now) but it required me to move north of the border away from all my friends. I started from scratch (knowing no one) in college why couldn't I do it here so I thought but turned out work is very different. Took me a while to get my feet but I started joining clubs in work firstly joining the Football team then after that I joined Tag Rugby team (which in fairness I have met a lot of people though) and more recently the GAA club.

So I am putting in an effort to meet new people but I still feel like a bit of an outsider as everyone is from the local area and has their mates from outside work to hang around with so not so much bothered with people like me. Unlike college where a lot of people had no moved away from home and didnt have mates to rely on to do stuff.

I go to work, I go off play Football/Tag then head to the gym after, head to bed and repeat. Then at the weekend I head back to my parents house and do nothing for the whole weekend.

I lived in a shared house with 2 girls and a gay lad and I pretty much feel like an outsider there as we have nothing really in common to talk about.

I am not a big drinker so unlike my mates way of getting with the fairer sex of drinking themselves silly will not work for me. I have checked out Internet Dating websites but I do not think it is for me, just would be way to much pressure and thought on the back of my mind that its someone else's photos.

More recently I have a lot of people (Family, Friends, Parents friends, Sisters friends, and even my grandmother) asking me if I had any women yet which is really started to get to me.

I would like to think I am average looking not ugly but not going to see me on the front of a mens magazine. I am in good shape after spending the last year hitting the gym, have a good dress scene (so I have been told) but the fact I am not all the social any more I do not see how I will ever meet someone.

I do not lone for a girlfriend or anything its just the fact I am not even trying to put myself in the market.

My mothers sister ended up a lone and I fear that will end up me as well.

Any advice?

Fentdog84

I think you know what the problem is, you're not trying. You have a mental block about putting yourself out there and approaching.You have yourself convinced that your not up to it, I know cos Ive been there myself a few times. Theres ways of overcoming that fear, just ask google. Everyone gets rejection at some point in life, you just got to dust yourself down, learn from it and move on. Good luck.

blacklilly

Hey Op,
Im also terrified of rejection and am far too self conscious to approach a man, worst fear is that they'll laugh at me (although this has never happened)
Also I've one brother who married young, there's only 18months between us and its nearly beginning to become a running joke that Im single.
I've had two serious relationships and Im single about 18 months (feels alto longer)

My problem as I suspect yours is too is that I over think situations far too much. I wilder be a big drinker as such aalthough many of friends have no problem approaching men I find it really difficult.
I am out going/sociable and have a good group of friends but I guess my problem is I must be lacking confidence in this regard.

Im not bad looking and always present myself well.

Recently Im trying to put myself outside my comfort zone and it hasn't been too bad,maybe you should do that same. If and its unlikely someone rejects you well then they're just not worth knowing.

Life is too short to spend time putting yourself out there.

LegacyUser

Well you said yourself your problem is lack of putting yourself out more.Concentrate on what makes you happy in life,hobby,craft skill.Its people who put pressure on you in our society,everybody expects you to have good job, degree, wife, house,loads of friends until you hit your 30s and settle down.if its bound to happen it will otherwise dont stress yourself and let others mind their own business.Gl OP