50 shades of grey influence

LegacyUser

Hopefully this isn't too graphic for the forum

My amazing and loved girlfriend has recently read 'the book' and acknowledges the fact that is is very poorly written yet turned her on a hell of a lot and has mentioned that she would find it thrilling in her own life - that said has acknowledged it is very unrealistic

I'd do anything for the girl so wanna fulfill this. Have tried something along these lines before - it was more roleplay but just seemed bloody illy to me. We do have great sex and she has told me she loves how passionate I am but I suppose I want to know how to start at a simple little bit if domination

I would still find roleplay silly though, can't see me ever doing that. Would like to know what is the best way to approach a little bit of 'I'm your boss and it's time to punish you' though.
I'm blessed with a beautiful girl who is very open minded, though she may laugh when I am obviously not being me

In summary, has anyone went from normal goof sex to messing around like you would see in this book for example, and how, in your experience, would you think it best to approach it

ibarelycare

If she gets turned on by the sex in the book then she's obviously interested in BDSM. You can start out tamely enough, by holding her hands down above her head when you're kissing her/having sex. Then you can try tying her up, using a blindfold. If she's into spanking you could test the waters with that (lightly at first!). You don't necessarily have to take on the whole "I'm your master, obey me" role if you don't feel comfortable with it. Personally, I love my bf being dominant but I would cringe and laugh if he made me call him master and all that!!

It might be fun for you both to head into a sex shop together. Ann Summers is quite expensive but the staff in there are great, very open and make you feel very comfortable. You could look at paddles, restraints, etc. But start out small, take baby steps, and enjoy!

LegacyUser

the twistedmonk website has some good instructional vids on how to tie someone up safely and so they can't get out, if you decide to experiment with that.

I'm not sure if this sort of thing works unless you're both into it tbh. You might get into it though if you experiment and are open-minded in how you approach it. I've done things like this to various extents with different exes. The one who was most into expressed frustration with previous partners not really getting it, even when they tried. Personally I picked up on certain cues instinctively, and knew where to go with them. Just because I was wired to do so myself really. Some people consider D/s a sexual orientation in itself. Possibly if you're just not wired to be into it, you're just not wired to be into it.

Dont affect being bossy or acting in a way you think you ought to. That misses the point entirely, and will make it harder to get into the mindset genuinely. Take control, and realise you are taking responsibility for her when you do so. That needs to be more fundamental in your mind than wanting to dominate her or get her off. I dont know the book, but glancing at wikipedia it seems pretty severe. She might want to push herself into things further than is a good idea. You need to be taking care of her, even if you are dominating her or doing things that dont seem very caring at all.

That leads me to words of caution too: Be aware that going far at all with this sort of thing can have negative consequences for both of you and for your relationship. I think a large part of the attraction for submissives is the sense of freedom from responsibility. You might find that her sense of responsibility diminishes in general, and you might find that she be engaging more with her animus than with you yourself. You might also find it creates a psychological dependence on you in her. On your side, you might find that you tend to become a bit overbearing in general, if you get into it a lot. I'm not sure how true these things might be if you restrict the activity to the bedroom. I observed both in a previous relationship, however in that case the D/s dynamic was fundamental in the relationship, not just sex games. Be wary of going too far with it yourself too, or you might experience some shocking impulses.

You can experience fantastic levels of intimacy through a dynamic like this, probably because of the level of exposure and vulnerability in the sub, and hopefully a similar level of care in the Dom. However you need to make sure you dont lose track of who you both are, and who the other is too. If that potential psychological dependence does come into being, then she is likely to eventually rebel and break away if you are unable to fulfil her needs at some point. The more of her needs you take on, the more likely this will be, and it might be completely unavoidable. This breakup might be extremely hard for you - moreso than conventional relationships ending: There is a danger of identities becoming a bit overly intertwined with this sort of thing, since playing about with boundaries is pretty much an intrinsic part of it.

You could watch the film secretary if you like. Not sure if it would get you into the right mindset or anything. However it might put things into the context that you don't need to pretend to be some sort of supervillain to take a dominant role. It also shows a pretty extreme D/s relationship in a caring and positive light.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus#Levels_of_animus_development

SheFiend

Great link! thanks for that beentheredonethat!

Piliger

Hi OP. I am 50 and have been through some of what you are experiencing. I found it difficult for a short time. I decided to follow the 'fake it till you make it' rule and then got to enjoy what she wanted BECAUSE she enjoyed it so much.

Motley Crue

All this is very good and all but I still don't believe in spanking a girl every time she rolls her eyes to me....especially the one's who do it in bars...

Piliger

Motley Crue wrote: »

All this is very good and all but I still don't believe in spanking a girl every time she rolls her eyes to me....especially the one's who do it in bars...

Speaking for yourself

Princess Peach

I'm into that kind of stuff, but my boyfriend had never tried any of it. He was pretty eager to try though.

I think its best to start slowly. If you do not have any of the gear yet, start with small things. Most of my stuff is from Ann Summers, I think its great, and like said above the staff will really help you if you aren't familiar with the stuff. If your girlfriend does have the gear, ask her to slowly introduce one thing at a time.

The roleplay can feel a little weird at first if you aren't used to it. Just don't take yourself too seriously, and neither of you should be afraid to laugh at it! You can find little fun roleplay games in Ann Summers or online to get you started and give ideas.

I think the most important thing is to set boundaries. Talk about it first, and not while ye are in bed about to start. Discuss how far each of you wants and is willing to take things, if there is anything you draw the line with.