My mans weight

wondorwoman

Ok so Ive been dating a guy for a few years now and love him dearly, He is kind and sweet and oh so loving. Over the past yr or so he has started putting on weight. What started as a few lbs has now turned into a few stone. he knows it himself and isnt content with it but at the same time he's not doing anything about it.

He loves his food and has a major appetite, but does not excersie and eats alot of rubbish. How would / could you approach this. Im a size 8-10 and something find his weight a bit much (in the bedroom) I never was unfaithful to him but these days cant help looking at other fitter guys, and thinking how can I get him to start taking care of himself. Ive brought up worries over his heart, bad eating etc but it all falls on deaf ears.

I want to approach it delicatly as I dont want to hurt his feelings... Any advice please.... males opinion also valued

Fluorescence

Moved from The Ladies Lounge to Relationship Issues. You should get good advice here, wondorwoman

Dravokivich

Anywhere nice nearby where you can both get out and go for walks together?

That might get him more open to the idea of doing more after a while.

SheFiend

Leave a men's fitness mag lying around and when he asks about it, tell him you just look at the pictures ;-)
That should fire his imagination, plus he might be inclined to read it.

ihsb

+1 on exercising together. Maybe also signing up for cooking classes together so he gets used to cooking healthier food (and maybe smaller portions). Also be honest with him. You have tried to tell him you are worried about his health and that hasn't helped, so maybe tell him that you are not that attracted to him any more. Might be the push he needs.

mikemac1

Men are competitive, tell him you're eyeing up the instructor down the gym who is far fitter



Ah no, but now is a good time to train for the Dublin marathon
There are races leading up to it

The two of you can certainly go for walks together to get started

But in a month or two he might want to start racing and no man wants to do badly in a race dammit!

Piliger

Hi OP.

I think this kind of situation is all about respect. Respect for you as his partner, and respect for himself.

Too many men and women think that once they have landed a partner, respect for their partner's feelings, and for their own appearance, goes out the window and they can let themselves go to seed. It's like saying .. I've got my woman now ... nothing matters now.

It's hardly surprising in a way because so many of us expect so little in this regard.

I think we need to be a bit more selfish and demand of our partners that they make an effort to please us - if they love us as they claim to.

wondorwoman wrote: »

... he's not doing anything about it.

This is what it all adds up to. He couldn't be arse'd.

It's up to you OP. I have always believe that love is great and fine, but also that it's not enough! Does he really love YOU ? What does he actually do to show it ? If he loved you he would make an effort and eat LESS. Everyone has an appetite if they could give a damn how fat they get ........

I believe you need to start letting him know that you're not here to be taken for granted and he needs to get his finger out if he wants to keep you.

opinion guy

Ah no, but now is a good time to train for the Dublin marathon
There are races leading up to it

And this. Marathon all the way. You just have to talk him into it.
Maybe with a bet. Like bet him he couldn't do a marathon in less than X mins.

LegacyUser

In general men will not respond to signals/indirect hints.
Sit him down. Tell him it's not acceptable.
You love him but no longer find him attractive & are withholding sex until he sorts himself out. Ask for a committment from him that he will lose 1 stone in 6 weeks. If not you will walk. He will thank you for it in the long run.

HowItIs

SheFiend wrote: »

Leave a men's fitness mag lying around and when he asks about it, tell him you just look at the pictures ;-)
That should fire his imagination, plus he might be inclined to read it.

That is some of the dumbest and most insensitive advice I've ever heard.

Nipitinthebud11 wrote:

In general men will not respond to signals/indirect hints.
Sit him down. Tell him it's not acceptable.
You love him but no longer find him attractive & are withholding sex until he sorts himself out. Ask for a committment from him that he will lose 1 stone in 6 weeks. If not you will walk. He will thank you for it in the long run.

That's some good advice right there OP except for the bit about witholding sex. Men are not cattle to be led around with the stick of sex, using sex as a means of control is petulant, juvenile and totally disrespectful.

LegacyUser

There are loads of good bits of advice on the health and nutrition section.

I guess weight creeps up on people if they don't keep an eye on it.

Is he sporty at all? Does he do any exercise? Is he in a gym? It doesn't take much to get rid of weight doing weights with some cardio and as soon as one sees improvements, it usually encourages one to do more.

My belly isn't massive but it has always bugged me so recently I've taken to doing more exercise and eating better. I;ve signed up to myfitnesspal.com so I see how and where and what type of calories I consume.

It really is an eye opener. I'm trying to get my gf to do similar.

Herrick

Nipitinthebud11 wrote: »

Sit him down. Tell him it's not acceptable.
You love him but no longer find him attractive

Totally fine.

Nipitinthebud11 wrote: »

are withholding sex until he sorts himself out

If a woman tried that line on me, she wouldn't have to worry as I'd be gone. Thats acting like a child and quite frankly, insulting.

Nipitinthebud11 wrote: »

Ask for a committment from him that he will lose 1 stone in 6 weeks. If not you will walk. He will thank you for it in the long run.

In fairness, if he's not used to exercising it could take more than six weeks to lose a stone. I'd be happy enough to see that he would be actually making real efforts to lose it though.

Table Top Joe

SheFiend wrote: »

Leave a men's fitness mag lying around and when he asks about it, tell him you just look at the pictures ;-)
That should fire his imagination, plus he might be inclined to read it.

Wow,imagine a guy suggesting leaving FHM lying around for his oh in the same way......we'd be on page 15 of women complaining how terrible it was and to leave him


The double standards here are amazing*,if a guy no longer finds his overweight woman attractive hes a shallow bastard,if a woman finds her oh unattractive he needs to make an effort!




Sorry for the rant im a bit cranky,this kind of thing annoys me though........but i do agree he should do something about it,i wouldnt dream of "letting myself go",its a sign you dont care if your oh finds you attractive or not which should be ringing major alarm bells imo




*By this i dont mean this thread,just sometimes on Boards and in general,a girl i know gave me a load of grief one day when i said id be bothered if a girlfriend put on a lot of weight........years later she was complaining how her boyfriend put on too much weight and it was one of the reasons she finished it!!

Piliger

Nipitinthebud11 wrote: »

In general men will not respond to signals/indirect hints.
Sit him down. Tell him it's not acceptable.
You love him but no longer find him attractive & are withholding sex until he sorts himself out. Ask for a committment from him that he will lose 1 stone in 6 weeks. If not you will walk. He will thank you for it in the long run.

I believe all of this is an excellent course of action. Except I would give him 8-9 weeks to lose this stone and another few months the rest. The present situation is unacceptable to such a degree.

Ickle Magoo

Table Top Joe infracted.

Boards has a Ranting and Raving forum - this isn't it. PI/RI is an advice forum and if you cannot offer civil, mature, constructive advice as per the forum charter - kindly refrain from posting.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum - if you have an issue with a post or poster then in keeping with site rules, use the report function.

If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.


As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

LegacyUser

That's some good advice right there OP except for the bit about witholding sex. Men are not cattle to be led around with the stick of sex, using sex as a means of control is petulant, juvenile and totally disrespectful.

Ok, let me re-phrase.
The OP finds her bf sexually unattractive.
I would recommend the OP tell her bf that she no longer finds him sexually attractive.
She shouldn't be obliged to sleep with him.

durano

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Table Top Joe infracted.

Boards has a Ranting and Raving forum - this isn't it. PI/RI is an advice forum and if you cannot offer civil, mature, constructive advice as per the forum charter - kindly refrain from posting.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum - if you have an issue with a post or poster then in keeping with site rules, use the report function.

If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.


As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

Why do you keep accusing people of ranting and raving when people ask why it's acceptable for girls to question their blokes weight but never acceptable for blokes to question their girls weight?
You also did it to me on page 4 of this recent thread -
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056679223&page=4

It's really annoying and is stunting the discussion in one direction,the OP's won't get balanced views if you keep jumping in with this nonsense.
It seems like you want one set of rules for guys and another set for girls.

wondorwoman

I really do appreciate the sound advice. I think Ill sit him down and just be honest with him and try put a plan together to resolve it together.

If the weather improves we could walk, but if not walking the threadmill could be romantic too :P

Ickle Magoo

durano taking a weeks holiday - using another posters PI thread to soapbox your grievances with moderation is completely inappropriate and is in direct contravention of both site policy and forum rules...which was clearly indicated in the post you quoted.

If anybody hasn’t done so already, please take the time to acquaint yourself with the purpose of this forum by reading the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

boxinginfo

Tell you the truth i think YOU should join a gym ....

im not trying to be funny theres a proper reason why.afew months ago i was really unhealthy and unhappy with being un healthy ... it ran in my family .but i told my mam when i was turning 15 i no longer wanted an ipod for my birthday ... i brought it back to the shop and purchased a gym membership instead.

- best thing ive done in my life.

so far i lost 6 and a half stone . and i love going to the gym .and i love the regulars at the gym and my trainners.

but moral of the story i joined ,them my mam saw how well i got on and got a months membership- the month went and she loved it so she purchased a years membership. after the month my dad got jealous we were loosing weight and going away without him and weed spend hours in the gym so he eventually joined really to just hang around with us as he was left out.he hasent lost much weight as he doesent really want to , to loose it youve got to want to the same with youre husband.

were all on a good track know though .


i think you should join, he will be bored when you leave like my dad was when my mam joined then he joined.


best thing i ever bought ..

sorry if the pics arent allowed ,

SheFiend

Table Top Joe wrote: »

SheFiend wrote: »

Leave a men's fitness mag lying around and when he asks about it, tell him you just look at the pictures ;-)
That should fire his imagination, plus he might be inclined to read it.

Wow,imagine a guy suggesting leaving FHM lying around for his oh in the same way......we'd be on page 15 of women complaining how terrible it was and to leave him


The double standards here are amazing*,if a guy no longer finds his overweight woman attractive hes a shallow bastard,if a woman finds her oh unattractive he needs to make an effort!




Sorry for the rant im a bit cranky,this kind of thing annoys me though........but i do agree he should do something about it,i wouldnt dream of "letting myself go",its a sign you dont care if your oh finds you attractive or not which should be ringing major alarm bells imo




*By this i dont mean this thread,just sometimes on Boards and in general,a girl i know gave me a load of grief one day when i said id be bothered if a girlfriend put on a lot of weight........years later she was complaining how her boyfriend put on too much weight and it was one of the reasons she finished it!!

How have i got double standards? I don't speak for all women, and they don't speak for me. It's absurd to suggest I have double standards simply because I have said something that doesn't match something someone else said.


To clarify: you are incorrect in your assumption that i would consider a man shallow bastard for doing what i suggested. I find obesity a major turn off and also a health risk factor, and possibly a symptom of depression. I would not expect a partner to put up with it. If someone isn't responding to you telling them your concerns, then i would totally condone alternative way of showing them how it's affecting you.

Table Top Joe

SheFiend wrote: »

How have i got double standards? I don't speak for all women, and they don't speak for me.

I added this to the end of my original post straight after posting in fairness,i wasnt having a dig at you



*By this i dont mean this thread,just sometimes on Boards and in general


I agree with your other points,im a big believer in whats good for the goose...i just dont think it always applies here(and elsewhere)thats all,i think the OP is perfectly entitled to expect an effort from her partner regarding his appearance



The gym idea from some is a good one i think,its subtle but could definitely work

SheFiend

Thanks for the clarification :-) do keep in mind double standards applies to conflicting standards on an individual basis.. and should not be used when talking about differences of opinion across a population. It's simply nonsensical. Thanks though.

OP, you seem to imply you have tried talking to him already. Have you made any progress since? While i don't think it's wrong to urge him to lose weight purely for your own sake, you should emphasise the harm he is doing to himself healthwise. There is a list of ailments associated with being overweight and it is only natural to be worried.

Table Top Joe

SheFiend wrote: »

Thanks for the clarification :-)No problem,didnt mean to offend do keep in mind double standards applies to conflicting standards on an individual basis.. and should not be used when talking about differences of opinion across a population. It's simply nonsensical. Thanks though.I know!....and ill leave it there;)

OP, you seem to imply you have tried talking to him already. Have you made any progress since? While i don't think it's wrong to urge him to lose weight purely for your own sake, you should emphasise the harm he is doing to himself healthwise. There is a list of ailments associated with being overweight and it is only natural to be worried.

And i again im with you all the way on this,there are so many health problems that can be avoided with a decent diet and exercise,tell him you dont fancy being a young widow or having a lifetime of hospital visits because of preventable problems,my own Dad spends a ridiculous amount of time and money on his health and its his own fault to be brutally honest



Anywho im off to the gym now believe it or not:)

decmanning

In the 1st year of being with my girlfriend i put on 6 stone, yes you read that right 6 stone, i went from being 13 stone to 19 stone, i was the same, just did nothing about it and just kept eating and putting on weight, girlfriend tried things like lets go for a walk and suggested i get back into football, didnt work, eventaully she had to get tough with me and told me i put on a lot of weight and maybe i should do something about it, although it hurt i wasnt upset with her, she saw what i was like at 13 stone and i think she missed that, i missed that too, anyway joined the local gym, got back into football and 13 months later (after training 5 days a week and changing my eating habits) i now weigh 12 stone 10 pounds and have never felt better and our relationship is a lot stronger now your boyfriend needs a kick up the rear end, if he doesnt do something about it now the weight will keep creeping up on him, you need to have a word with him

Ickle Magoo

Hi there decmanning,

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