Do things ever work out?

gabrielle2012

Hey apologies if its in the wrong section

But i was just wondering has an ex ever came to you after a breakup and how long did it take them to come back into your life...did you give it another a go?

yourdeadwright

Yes it happened to me, meet a girl when i was 15 spent the summer together then when it was time for school to start again we just kind lost contact as there was no mobiles(well not everyone had one) or facebook back then , plus we lived in different parts of Dublin, Always wondered about her then 15 years later we bumped into each other on a night out and where still togeether 2 years later,

gabrielle2012

15 years wow talk about a long time..mine is an on/off relationship but he deleted my number and stuff so i dont thing he will ever be back

_dublinlad_

I dont think a survey of peoples experiences with ex's has much bearing on your particular situation. Every relationship is so so so different, and each break up is as well. There are so many factors at play.

If you could give a few more details on your story then we could help you speculate on your chances.

If you would rather not I would say as a general rule that - no, most break ups are final, people break up for a reason and that reason normally dosent go away.

Beruthiel

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

But i was just wondering has an ex ever came to you after a breakup and how long did it take them to come back into your life...did you give it another a go?

Other peoples experiences in this area will have no baring on yours gabrielle.
Everyone is different and nothing anyone says here will make any difference to your situation.

LegacyUser

Everyone's situation is so different. It depends on such a variety of reasons it is difficult to be compared with your own. It has never happened to me.

gabrielle2012

We've been on and off for for years sometimes could be off for days weeks depending but this time is different he deleted my number... it was always me giving him another chance and the one time i screwed up he doesnt want to hear about it it was over something silly theres was no cheating or anything involved just wondering will he come around is all!

_dublinlad_

That really does'nt make it much clearer. How do you know he has deleted your number?

gabrielle2012

Because he told me and i seen it on his phone there was no name just a number on my text and then he deleted the text

SunnyDub1

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

Because he told me and i seen it on his phone there was no name just a number on my text and then he deleted the text

What age are yous ? How long have yous been together ?

batsherlashes

Me and my boyfriend went out for a few months when we were 14-15. There was always feelings but we split up after some issues. He asked me out again when I was 18 and we've been together 3 and a half years now. I never thought it would work again but we're still going strong so anything can happen I guess! We just both needed time to mature.

gabrielle2012

Hes 25 im 23 been seeing eachother 2 years going on 3 but only really got serious a year ago

gabrielle2012

batsherlashes wrote: »

Me and my boyfriend went out for a few months when we were 14-15. There was always feelings but we split up after some issues. He asked me out again when I was 18 and we've been together 3 and a half years now. I never thought it would work again but we're still going strong so anything can happen I guess! We just both needed time to mature.

Thats good to know its more him in this relationship tbh i think he's scared of commitment

batsherlashes

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

We've been on and off for for years sometimes could be off for days weeks depending but this time is different he deleted my number... it was always me giving him another chance and the one time i screwed up he doesnt want to hear about it it was over something silly theres was no cheating or anything involved just wondering will he come around is all!

From this, I think you need to give him space. It sounds like he's treating you unfairly if you apologised for something silly that annoyed him. The last thing you want is him to start walking all over you, and making you chase him over small arguments. He already knows you've apologised and there's nothing else you can do until he makes up his mind to come around. If he doesn't it isn't your fault, he obviously has other things on his mind.

msg11

It's 50/50 on this one really. Either it works with both putting serious effort in at the start or someone will end up running around like a headless chicken after the other.

Happened to me recently actually, tried getting back with an ex just seeing each other and it was so stressful, running around after her making plans only to be let down time after time worst thing is you would really do anything for them.

In the end, I copped that I should have some respect for myself and stop been someones mat (or fall guy/girl), sadly even in your early 20's (any age even) some people are just as bad as 15/16 year olds. Anyway, I cut all contact so far, this time for good last step is deleting the facebook page, in progress dont want the 'why you delete me' texts, cause a serious rant would be had.

But in saying that I know a couple who split; he done the dirty on her. They got back together about a year later and are about 3/4 years on. Think there happy never see them anymore ! Plus another couple they just broke up, but back now happy from what I can see, so it dose work.

Just don't let someone walk all over you would be my best advise hard as it is too pull away, better now than never. Maybe in the future she might mature and come back, won't hold my breath on that one though ! Just you'll know yourself if it's going in the right direction; but be honest with yourself.

gabrielle2012

I'm crazy about him and i deleted his number just so i cant text him and im not on fb so that helps just hope he doesn't forget about me or do men find it easy to move on i just sit here and wonder does he ever think about and miss me or has he forgot about me out of sight and out of mind!!

Ellsbells

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

We've been on and off for for years sometimes could be off for days weeks

I always think that when its on and off all the time like this there is less chance of maintaining a stable long term relationship. Sometimes people break up once for a reason e.g. travelling and do get back together but imho, this on / off, on/ off is as a result of a basic incompatibility...

I also don't know why anyone would want to live like this as its pure hardship... What has he been doing to cause the previous break ups? On top of this, how much is enough? Do you not think there are other guys out there you would be more compatible with?

gabrielle2012

Ellsbells wrote: »

I always think that when its on and off all the time like this there is less chance of maintaining a stable long term relationship. Sometimes people break up once for a reason e.g. travelling and do get back together but imho, this on / off, on/ off is as a result of a basic incompatibility...

I also don't know why anyone would want to live like this as its pure hardship... What has he been doing to cause the previous break ups? On top of this, how much is enough? Do you not think there are other guys out there you would be more compatible with?

Its really just when we go out and start drinking where the problems start but sober together we are perfect....Im just afraid time apart will make him forget about me

Ellsbells

If I had such a toxic relationship, I would want him to forget about me. Why do you accept such treatment op? If drink is such an issue then why do ye drink?

batsherlashes

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

Its really just when we go out and start drinking where the problems start but sober together we are perfect....Im just afraid time apart will make him forget about me

I know its really tough coming out of a relationship with someone you're crazy about, and I know you don't want to hear this but you really do need time apart.

I think you're panicking at the moment and looking back on the relationship with rose tinted glasses. Earlier in the thread you talked about how you constantly had to forgive him for wronging you and now you've ended because he can't forgive you over a small argument.

You're worried that he'll forget you, but if he does that just shows he is not the right person for you. It's hard to accept but you need to take a deep breath, stick to your friends and family and do your best to put him out of your mind. He's deleted your number, he doesn't want to talk to you and only he can decide if he wants to come back. The best thing you can do is give him the space he is asking for.

A little time apart will show how badly he's treated you as well, and when you realise that you can start moving on. It doesn't sound like it was a healthy relationship so despite your crazy feelings for him, stand up for yourself and do your best to move on!

Tuhula

We've all been in relationships where we wanted the person back when it ends, sometimes this feeling lasts a while and you end up getting back together but more often than not, it ends again.

But someone will come into your life when you least expect them to, and they wont ever think of ending it with you! And it'll work.

I've been in your situation. Take time for yourself. It all works out! Im a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and whats meant for you wont pass you by!

daisybelle2008

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

I'm crazy about him and i deleted his number just so i cant text him and im not on fb so that helps just hope he doesn't forget about me or do men find it easy to move on i just sit here and wonder does he ever think about and miss me or has he forgot about me out of sight and out of mind!!

You seem to like him more than you like yourself. That makes you a lot less objective about the quality of the relationship. You say the guy is a commitment-phobe (really there is rarely such a thing, it is just an excuse people make when the other person is just not that into them). Most 'commitment-phobes' move on very quickly to serious relationships. Also your relationship was off and on, with drinking issues and blanking the other person. Sounds like no fairy-tale to be pining about.

I always have the same advise for girls in your situation. Be single for a while and learn to like yourself more than anyone or anything in this world.
You will be a better judge of character, have more exacting standards on how people treat you in relationships and not be so desperate and heartbroken when things like this happen.

CathyMoran

My husband and I were no and off engaged for years before we married - we are 5.5 years married today. Both of us made mistakes but we are head over heals in love and I would not want to be with anyone else. I do feel that we were the exception though.

gabrielle2012

CathyMoran wrote: »

My husband and I were no and off engaged for years before we married - we are 5.5 years married today. Both of us made mistakes but we are head over heals in love and I would not want to be with anyone else. I do feel that we were the exception though.

In which way do you feel ye were the exception (not a smart comment just curious is all) yeah i think the advice on here is right im going to give him space and even tonight wen were both out il ignore him but be polite and civil at the same time..... Ive realised i cant keep letting myself be a doormat for him im better than that and have more respect for myself hopefully one day he will realise what he missed out on and regret it

CathyMoran

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

In which way do you feel ye were the exception (not a smart comment just curious is all) yeah i think the advice on here is right im going to give him space and even tonight wen were both out il ignore him but be polite and civil at the same time..... Ive realised i cant keep letting myself be a doormat for him im better than that and have more respect for myself hopefully one day he will realise what he missed out on and regret it

We just went through a lot together, mpre than most and we did see other people for a short while before I made it perfectly clear that I wanted to marry him and married 3 months later. I was facing a very serious illness (oesopgaheal cancer)when we married and it did not look that I would be alive long let alone have our children. There were so many things bout us that pointed that we were meant for one another from him having crohns and me having type 1 diabetes and hwo we delt with them to me taking an interest in his condition as I was doing a Mater's thesis in the area before we were formally introduced (we met on my first day in UCD) and was floored by him from the first moment I saw him and still am - I love him and our children. It just was not an easy path to get there...

dazzledust88

It depends on the people and the kind of relationship you had, me and an ex boyfriend always slip back into the same habit of talking the way we used to with each other, silly stuff that no one else would get, we're talking bout getting back together but I honestly dont believe it would work as we're in two different counties but I do miss him but thats just more habit

gabrielle2012

Just thought id update ye on the situation i totally went NC on him eventually he textd and we met up last week he started saying he wanted to get back together whereas i said i didnt feel we could work as the trust isnt there since hes always fled after a few weeks of getting back together...hes stil texting me an odd time but i feel he dont deserve another chance or if anything hel work for my trust again

SineadMarie

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

Just thought id update ye on the situation i totally went NC on him eventually he textd and we met up last week he started saying he wanted to get back together whereas i said i didnt feel we could work as the trust isnt there since hes always fled after a few weeks of getting back together...hes stil texting me an odd time but i feel he dont deserve another chance or if anything hel work for my trust again

Good on ya with the no contact, its easier said than done believe me, how long did it take for him to text you when he didnt hear from you?

I should really listen to my own advice here as im kinda in the same situation. The longer this goes on the more hurt your going to be, fine hes back now but for how long if he doesnt trust you now he never will. Move on and find someone that will stick around and no brea your heart every few weeks. Wish you the best of luck.

gabrielle2012

Took him two weeks but he said it took every bit of stubborn-ness not to text or ring sooner tbh i think that was bull n just sweet talk trying to get back into my bed hes asking my friends questions about me who im with etc think its a case of he dont want me but dont want anyone else to have me aswel....But time to live my life abit and find someone who wont play games or mess with my head....stil have days where i miss him and stuff but time will heal

SineadMarie

gabrielle2012 wrote: »

Took him two weeks but he said it took every bit of stubborn-ness not to text or ring sooner tbh i think that was bull n just sweet talk trying to get back into my bed hes asking my friends questions about me who im with etc think its a case of he dont want me but dont want anyone else to have me aswel....But time to live my life abit and find someone who wont play games or mess with my head....stil have days where i miss him and stuff but time will heal

It will you'll be ok, in the long run the better option is to walk away and ignore him. Even if it doesnt feel that way now.

gabrielle2012

yeah tbh i found it hard to ignore him since we were friends before we got together and get on so well but i think we just need time apart to move on and then can go back to being friends

LegacyUser

Your ex becomes your ex for a reason.
Some guys seem to think she will be there when I need someone.
When you realise that the relationship you have is very one sided and decide to end it the guy seems not to get the message. They think it is just a matter of time before you change your mind despite what you have told them.
If it is over end it and tell him that it is over. Keep away from the places you went to together and don't listen to so called friends who tell you how wonderful /// is and why are you not going with him now. When he calls or texts ignore him because some he just may want what he can't have.
If you go back to him things will go back to the way they were for you.
At a later stage you could be very glad that you moved on.