Social Awkwardness

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just looking for a bit of advice on overcoming a few issues that seem to be hampering me. I'm not sure how common this is of people my age (22) but I tend to be way too shy when meeting new people. Most people my age seem to be really outgoing, and when I mentioned to a person I met at a house party recently that I've only been to Coppers once and I'm only out in town the odd time (maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks) they just looked at me in disbelief.

I'm only good at making "small talk" with people with a few drinks on me and without drink on me I'm pretty bad at it, except with close friends. Kinda hampers me when it comes to meeting new people in a sober state. The annoying thing is I've been told by many people that I've a great personality, but I'm just too shy while sober. It's restricting any ability to broaden my circle of friends, which is something I've been trying to do since most of my good mates are in serious relationships now.

LegacyUser

I'm 19, and have pretty much the same problem. I only have two good friends left now, as I am too shy to make friends and have let bad friends go over the last year. I'm even painfully shy around aunts/uncles/cousins, I barely talk to them when they are around! I feel like a lot of people think I've an attitude or it's rudeness and not shyness. I'll talk away to anyone with a few drinks too, but friendships you make when you're drinking are forgotten and not counted when everyone is sober again.

Manco

Well, I don't think you should feel strange for not being into the pub and club scene; that says more about Irish society's attitudes towards drink than anything else. The stock response, I know, but perhaps get involved in activities that you have a passion for, such as film clubs, sports clubs, etc- that really helped me make friends personally. The more practice you get with interacting with others, the less socially awkward you should feel.

Podgers

Manco is right. personally i find it impossible to interact with people on a night out other than friends, people seem to stick to group, also you meet all sorts.

social groups, actives, clubs etc. is a better way of meeting people. to the age of 26 didn't meet many people other than a very few in college, and alot of them i lost contact with, then i started playing in-line hockey, tag ruby and joined macra and it has helped my social anxiety alot.

when your apart of a club or organisation you have something to share with the people that are in it and you gradually get comfortable with them, in a night club or pub the only thing you have in common is drink, and you might never see the people you meet again.

some people have the nack of just talking to someone about anything and it works but for majority of people that's not the case.

looksee

When you think about it, it really doesn't matter what someone else thinks of your social life! Its your life, they were just a couple of minutes of it.

You could have said disdainfully 'Oh no, I don't go to Coppers!' as though its a passe thing to do, beneath your dignity. You would then have been considered either very cool and obviously in the know, or snobby. Either way someone would have made a judgment that didn't matter.

And small talk is just that, irrelevant noise, though it helps social interaction and is therefore useful. I'm hopeless at it, I tend to pontificate (you didn't guess ). So I socialise in an environment where I have a common interest with others and therefore have something to talk about.

Don't worry about it, I can almost guarantee that you come across better than you think. There is much more than the pub scene out there, don't get hung up on it, it would be very boring if we all had the same personalities.

LegacyUser

OP again.....

appreciate the replies so far. only thing is I actually do enjoy the pub/club scene, its just that i don't get to experience it much with th friends that i have due to them being in relationships or whatever. And so the problem of not being great at "small talk" hinders me. If i was good at that id be able to make more new friends. i think the suggestions to join a club are probably good. my main interest is soccer and i doubt its very easy to find any old soccer club to join as they're all probably established and coming new into a group like that, my shyness would still end up hampering me.

Podgers

depending were you are their might be an astroturf were you could join.

also with teams they might already be established but go to training etc for the social side of it. My brother did rugby training during the winter just keep fit and occupied, never bothered with playing matches.

macra do soccer tournaments as well as basketball, tag rugby etc.