I never lived my youth

LegacyUser

Im lying here in my bed typing this and at age 34 im here thinking where did my youth go, i have just let it pass me by without doing anything, i should have travelled to australia for the year working holiday like everyone else, i should have gone to the usa on the J1, i should have has a few girlfriends by now, but no i just let it pass me by, during my college years in my late teens and early 20s I was quite immature, not immature in that I did stupid things but more that I was still mentally very childish, i never once had any sort of female contact or relationship in college, in fact ive never had a relationship, I feel like im damaged goods,i have a decent job but it doesnt really interest me, i certainly wont progress any further in it, im just sick of my life, sick of the routine, ive never really had much fun in life, my life feels like ground hog week, where i work during the week and sit at home drinking myself stupid in front of my laptop, rinse and repeat, I haven't had many friends, the best one I had died suddenly a few years ago and any remaining are all married and settled down, im also about 6 or 7 stone overweight, i just feel like a loser. I am so depressed at this moment in time that I feel like calling in sick tomorrow, I just have nothing to look forward too

Ickle Magoo

Hey there OP,

First things first help yourself - if you feel depressed then make an appointment with your GP and tell them how you feel. You can also get a general MOT to ensure your weight gain and mood has no underlying medical issues.

If being over-weight is upsetting you then you have it in your hands to change that - get yourself to the gym, or take up a sport - there's a load of Sports forums and a Health and Fitness forum here on Boards in which to find some inspiration.

I'm sorry you lost your friend - have you considered bereavement counselling? Loosing a close friend can really hit us hard.

If your life feels like ground-hog day and you are just rinse and repeating - then stop rinse and repeating and change your life...only you can do it, OP.

I wish you all the very best. :cool:

Sleepy

What's stopping you from travelling now?

While you may not have the finances to head off in the morning, you're working at least so surely you can save enough to go do your travelling now? While we're used to the notion that it's something done by people who are just finishing college, once you get out into hostels you'll find plenty of people in their 30's doing the backpacker thing. You'll even find people in their 40's, 50's and 60's doing it!

LegacyUser

I agree with Sleepy OP there is nothing stopping you from doing anything now. This idea that travel is only for people in their 20's is incorrect. I'm 33 and am going to South East Asia for a month at the end the summer and next year I'm taking 6+ months to do a round the world trip. My dad spent decades working in a job he didn't like because he thought he had to cus he had the wife and 2 kids and that's what your meant to do but he was so unhappy we told him to go find something to do that he loved and he went overseas to drive trucks for Aid groups at the age of nearly 50. He's now spent nearly 10 years working all over the world with various charities and NGO's and has never been happier.

wylo

Sounds like you've a fear of fear.

Instead of lamenting the past, why not make a plan for the future. Do you want to turn around at 64 and realize the same thing again about the rest of your adult life?

Podgers

Hi op,

its very easy to be consumed by our past of "should haves", we all have a few. You need to accept your past, you cant undo/change it but you can change your future. At any stage of our one single run of this life that we got, we can make as many changes to it as we want. you can drop all and walk away from what you have and start again no matter what age you are, 34 is still young! Focus on who you want to be, rather than

from what i see in your post the things you want to change is:

1. your work
2. your body weight
3. a Relationship
4. Travel

i take it you don't have any responsibilities such as children, a mortgage maybe?

sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pen and write down all the things you want to do, all you want to achieve in your life, like a bucket list as such. if you had to start all over again what would you do? right it all down.

Give yourself a goal, like getting up earlier in the morning go for a walk/run do a bit of a work out. if you don't like your job put some money aside and say to yourself that you will save X amount and go to x. it will give yourself something to look forward to and hopefully you will enjoy getting there because you know your going to achieve something you want.

regarding relationships that will come in time but you seem to be very unhappy in yourself. you need to work on your self esteem and stop thinking that your damaged goods, when you become more positive and comfortable with yourself it will show and it will follow. would you find yourself nervous around women?

Mousewar

OP

Did the following thought ever occur to you?

If only I was ten years younger, if only I was 24 again I would do so much. I would travel, I would get myself fit, I would ask out girls.

I'm assuming that some version of this has occurred to you judging by your post. Well imagine for a second that you're 44. Imagine yourself then, sitting at your computer thinking:

If only I was ten years younger, if I only I were 34 again I would do so much. I would travel, I would get myself fit, I would ask out girls.

Well that 44 year-old's fantasy has been fulfilled. You're ten years younger, you're 34 and can do all those things. So do them.

And if you're unsure what exactly to do, think of some things and whatever scares you the most - do that.

dellas1979

Podgers wrote: »

from what i see in your post the things you want to change is:

1. your work
2. your body weight
3. a Relationship
4. Travel

I would find all of this very exciting OP!!! There is nothing stopping you achieving what you want, is there? Some tough, but very changeable situations there.

I think the most achieveable goal above by far is loosing weight and would probably contribute to other goals then that you want to achieve. What is stopping you from travelling by the way? What is stopping you from achieving any of the above?

Colonel Panic

A line from Vanilla Sky has stuck with me ever since I've seen it.

"Every passing moment is another chance to turn it around."

It's a truism I suppose but I always keep it in mind when I feel like you OP.

It's very easy to give out advice here, but it means **** all unless you actually make a choice about doing something about it. If that means putting yourself out of your comfort zone then so be it, you'll feel pretty good afterwards! If you're finding it too much to do alone, then I really recommend getting some counseling. Do you have any family you can talk to? How about one of the friends you do have?

LegacyUser

OP here again, thanks to everyone for the advice so far. I have looked into a migration Visa for Australia today, Ive decided to get the ball rolling on that. I suppose the reason I don't like my job is because of all my other issues I mentioned, If I had an active social life and was in shape meeting up with people after work and at the weekends the routine of going to work wouldnt be that bad, but when all you have to look forward to is a lonely weekend followed by another working week, it gets depressing after a while. I think if I went travelling and went to a bigger city in a foreign country such as Australia the capacity for social life improvement is massive, Irish people are so much open to making new friends when they are abroad I feel, regarding losing weight I have no patience,I know for sure I could lose 2 stone in 3 months but Im not satisfied with that rate of progress, should I be

nyarlothothep

You're still in your youth, 34 is young. Secondly life is routine and difficult for most people. Some people like to brag about how amazing a time they're having. In addition the media bombards you with images of young people having fun constantly but that doesn't necessarily reflect the reality. Culture at the moment celebrates youth as this ultimate ideal but if you think about it, say for example with bands, you could have a young hipster indie band that suck, now contrast that with a band in their 40s who can actually play their instruments and produce good music. That is to say being young doesn't automatically confer a total advantage, and this in one of the most youth centric industries, music. But you don't have to worry about any of that, because...you're young. Loose some weight, draw up a plan of things you'd like to do and note what you've achieved, you have a job right? That's good considering the climate. Look at what you want to fix in your life and go out and do it. As for girlfriends, there are loads of people who don't have girlfriends until their late 20s, mid 30s and later. It's not a competition unless you want to perceive it as that.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Like everyone is saying your only 34, your still young. Would you think of taking a career break if thats possible? It could give you the chance to go and experience the travel you feel you've missed out on.

Podgers

I never lived my youth wrote: »

regarding losing weight I have no patience,I know for sure I could lose 2 stone in 3 months but Im not satisfied with that rate of progress, should I be

i can be a bit like that too, a few times i tried and i didn't loose as much as i thought i would and give up, by giving up for the bit i did do i didn't achieve anything. At the moment im Aiming for loosing 2lbs a week max, any more than that your kidding yourself, you will end up putting it back on just as fast.

2 stone in 3 months isn't bad at all!

MissFlitworth

I never lived my youth wrote: »

regarding losing weight I have no patience,I know for sure I could lose 2 stone in 3 months but Im not satisfied with that rate of progress, should I be

Well, 3 months down the line you could be 2 stone lighter or you could be the same weight you are now. 6 months down the line you could be 4 stone lighter or the same weight you are now, 9 months down the line you could be at your target weight or you could be the same weight you are now...

wylo

I never lived my youth wrote: »

OP here again, thanks to everyone for the advice so far. I have looked into a migration Visa for Australia today, Ive decided to get the ball rolling on that. I suppose the reason I don't like my job is because of all my other issues I mentioned, If I had an active social life and was in shape meeting up with people after work and at the weekends the routine of going to work wouldnt be that bad, but when all you have to look forward to is a lonely weekend followed by another working week, it gets depressing after a while. I think if I went travelling and went to a bigger city in a foreign country such as Australia the capacity for social life improvement is massive, Irish people are so much open to making new friends when they are abroad I feel, regarding losing weight I have no patience,I know for sure I could lose 2 stone in 3 months but Im not satisfied with that rate of progress, should I be

Firstly , well done for taking action, secondly, are you mad?? 2 stone in 3 months is not only fantastic progress but actually healthy and sustainable and realistic in terms of long term, as oppose to going on some crazy diet and losing 3 stone in a month and putting it all back on.

I say start whatever it is you had in mind to lose that weight, and keep up your other stuff regarding ball rolling etc.

Often we make big deals out of problems that arent really problems. Im not going to pretend that your OP isnt an issue at all. But Im just highlighting the fact that there is literally absolutely nothing you can do about your 20s. So what happened, (or didnt happen) cant possibly be a problem anymore. It is non existent now, all thats left is a mild thought of them, so nothing will ever be fixed by thinking about them. However, plenty can be fixed for your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and so on.

So you feel you lost a decade, its time to make up for it:):)