Scaring yourself

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'd like to start out by saying that I'm inherently a good person, or so I believe (thought) but yesterday I did something truly shocking. Feel free to judge me as harshly as you like.

This is not easy for me to admit but here goes..

I recently lost my job and am completely broke. I have signed on but was told it will take a few weeks to get it all sorted. My folks are dead and I literally have nobody to ask for financial support. I mean it when I say I am flat broke. I can't even afford to buy food.

Anyway, i recently started seeing this guy. I told him that it's really bad timing and maybe we should park it for a while but he said he's crazy about me and doesn't care that I have all this stress and am not n the best mood etc.

Wow, this is proving even harder to type then I thought it would but I need to get this out.

Ok, so last night I was in his apartment and we ran out of wine. He said he'd go out and buy more (so nice and generous) and I said ok. While he was gone I took 50 euro from his drawer. I don't know what came over me. He left and I suddenly got this overwhelming urge to search for money. It's like my desperation took over and I couldn't stop myslef, a sort of fight or flight kind of feeling. I opened up his desk drawer and there was money in there. i wasn't even expecting there to be but there was. I almost wished there wasn't.

So yeah, there was about 300 euro just sitting there, maybe it was his rent money, I have no idea but I took 50 euro and put it in my bag. He came back then and I acted all sweet and nice and we had a good evening. I just got home and I HATE myself.

Can you please advise me on what to do?? Am I evil??? Who on earth does a thing like that??? Obviously I'm going to end things with him as he deserves someone better but please can you help me out here??

I am normally a funny, happy-go-lucky, chilled out girl but lately I'm scaring myself.

How well do we truly know ourselves? I never thought I'd act in such a way but lo and behold..

Thanks:(

Fluorescence

Desperate circumstances drive us to desperate measures. You were wrong to steal - admit your theft to him, return his money and apologise. It's all you can do. And try not to beat yourself up too much. Yes you did a bad thing, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In the meantime, try contacting an organisation like the Samaritans, who give food to people who are struggling to make ends meet. I hope things get better for you soon.

dellas1979

It was wrong to steal, but Im not going to judge you for doing that to feed yourself - Ive never been in that situation, so I dont know how I would react. You didnt do it out of malice or spite.

I would urge you though to please exhaust all other avenues before you think of doing something like this again, as it will affect you in ways (like you are discovering now) if you are not the type to normally steal i.e. you know its wrong and have the guilts for it now.

MariMel

there are two issues here, the first being the stealing and I am sure you will get plenty of people giving you advice on that front.
With the other issue....having no money.........
Have to been to see your CWO and about claiming for supplementary welfare assistance....its an interim payment until your jobseekers comes through.
If not...find out when the next clinic is on and go and see them.

Beetlebum

You poor thing OP, you acted out of desperation and not malice so go easy on yourself.

I'm not sure what to advise though, he will obviously notice that the money is gone and he might even think you took it. Yikes. Although telling him you took it will end things on the spot I reckon.

Tough call OP and I guess the moral of the story is every action has a reaction. The consequences of your action may end up being that you lose this lovely guy. 50 euro won't last long either and once it's spent you'll be left with no money and no shoulder to cry on. If you had asked him for help he probably would have lent you money.

anyway OP, chin up, things will get better, they always do. Learn from this though.

Esoteric_

I feel so sorry for you, OP. I don't condone what you did at all, but you were desperate so I can somewhat understand it.

He's going to notice that the money is missing, so you're going to have to tell him, and give it back.

With regards to feeding yourself and things like that - When I was living alone, I was struggling massively to make ends meet. I was in a minimum wage job and was cut to part time hours and could only just afford rent and bills, and not food. I called the Vincent dePaul and asked for assistance, and a week later I was given 70 euro in Dunnes vouchers. Try it, it can't hurt.

If you need money for rent or bills, go down to your local Community Welfare Officer and explain your situation. That's what they're there for!

You did a bad thing, but you don't sound like a bad person. Desperation can drive us to do things we'd never normally do. Put it down to a huge mistake, rectify it as best you can and try to put it to the back of your mind. All the best, OP.

a fat guy

I don't think this would really solve the problem, but you could try to sneak the money back somewhere in his place when you have the cash to spare...

I mean, money get's displaced all the time, so I doubt much suspicion would be raised.

Try to relax though, times are hard now.

The Lovely Muffin

a fat guy wrote: »

I mean, money get's displaced all the time, so I doubt much suspicion would be raised.

Maybe I'm alone in this, but if I had a couple of hundred quid in a drawer and €50 (or any amount) of it went missing I'd notice.

I always know exactly how much money I have in my purse/room.

How do we/OP know that her boyfriends friends/family know about the money?

For all we know, he could have put it there for whatever reason, told nobody, the OP comes over and money goes walkies? That would sure as hell put her in the spotlight.

To be honest OP, I would tell him straight out that you took it, explain you meant nothing malicious about stealing it and offer to pay it back when you can.

I've never been in your position, but I sure as hell would never, ever consider going through anyone's drawers and most definitely not stealing from them.

I would be going to a Charity or the community welfare officer (CWO) and asking for any available help.

Good luck OP, I hope you get it sorted.

LegacyUser

You're clearly a good person. Since he is happy to be with you despite your troubles, he clearly knows this and is an understanding person himself. To be on the safe side, tell him all about your problems first, how you can't feed yourself, make sure he knows everything, then bring up the 50. Hand it back and hope he can understand and forgive you. I know if i were with someone in your situation and this happened i'd tell you to keep it and pay it back whenever you can. Good luck!