Parents drink

LegacyUser

My parents are both alcoholics, neither of them work anymore. They do the bare minimum of housework and often I'll come home and find them in bed at 5 or 6 in the evening. The way they live disgusts me. My siblings and I have told them so many times how we feel about the situation but they don't seem to care.

Every day I feel like my hate and disgust for them grows. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't even talk about it with anyone in real life as I feel so embarrassed and ashamed by it. I have mentioned that my mam drinks but I can't even say they're both the same. I feel like they have been drawn in with the wrong people, ie scroungers in a small town who all enable and support their behaviour.

I am living at home at the moment and I know the obvious thing is to move out and never speak to them again but it's always going to be there, thinking about what they're up to. Does anyone have any advice?

Beetlebum

My heart breaks for you OP.

I understand exactly how you feel and it's very conflicting and complex. You love them and are concerned about them because they're your parents but you resent and hate them for what they're doing to themselves and to you.

My folks are both alcoholics too, well they were, my mom died of alcohol poisoning a few years ago. I can't even describe to you the things she put me through, it was horrific and still affects me to this day.

My advise is to move out as soon as you can. I know you'll be thinking about them and that's only natural but you to remove yourself from that environment.

You need to learn how to detach yourself emotionally from the situation, that's what I did. I went to Stanhope Street and got councelling and I also went to AlAnon and it really helped me to develop coping skills.

Firstly though, move out, that's crucial. Also, accept the fact that you have no control over their actions. You only have control over your won actions and reactions. They will not change no matter how much you tell them it's hurting you. They need help but unless they want it they won't seek it out or accept it when offered.

I did everything i could to save my mom. I went to numerous doctors and hospitals asking for help. I aksed my local pub and off licience not to serve her. I begged and pleaded with her to stop. I threathened to hurt myself if she didn't stop. I told her she was ruining my life.

Did she stop? Hell no.

Please OP, I beg you, move out and detach yourself from this toxic environment.

Pm me if you feel like chatting.

Stay strong you poor thing, heart goes out to you.

Taltos

Bettlebum - please don't ask the OP to PM you. As per our charter:

It is not the done thing on the PI or RI forums to ask an OP to pm/msn/skype/email you. This is done for two reasons:

To protect those from trolls and other possible unsavory people posting on the internet when they may be in a vulnerable state. Threads on PI/RI are monitored by the mods so that bad and dangerous advice is not permitted and deemed unhelpful.

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If you haven't done so please take the time to review the charter again.

Thanks
Taltos

LegacyUser

you really have my sympathies - my parents were both alcoholics and it affected my siblings and I know end.

My mother and father ended up buried 5 years ago within months of each other, but it was the end of 10 years of hurt for all of us.

I was the youngest of 5, and 15 when they died, but had lived with my oldest sister since I was 10. She and my brother got out as soon as they could and set up an environment that would be better for us younger ones. I used to go over after school for a while, then overnighted, eventually it became my home.

We all cut off contact, or rather couldn't contact them as they were too busy "enjoying" their drunkeness.

I will say, get out of the toxic environment as soon as you can - do everything you can to help your siblings, rely on them and (if this makes sense) try and be strong enough to be relied on.

We all survived together as a unit, and still are close - be there for yourselves and your siblings

a fat guy

I honestly don't know what to say, since I've never experienced something like this before...

But you have my sympathy OP.

Have you tried getting them to move away from the enablers?

Ickle Magoo

What an awful situation for you to be in OP.

Do you have any family members that you could confide in or could offer support?

You might find some support services in your area HERE

All the very best.