Irish guy/ Thai girl- cultural differences in dating

Miara

Hello everybody,

I'm new to this forum and this is my first post here. I'm from Thailand and I'm currently studying at the Trinity College Dublin. There aren't many Thai men on campus here, and I must admit that I find a lot of Irish men to be very charming and attractive and I would like to date one.

However, there are a lot of cultural differences that are quite difficult for me to overcome. For one thing, I find that at the Trinity College, people are largely interested in sexual relationships and not emotional ones. I come from a much more conservative culture and I would not get sexually intimate with a man unless I was in a committed relationship with him and loved him.

I've also noticed that most of the social life here revolves around getting drunk at pubs, going clubbing and watching sports. I like the occasional glass of wine, but nothing more, and I'm not particularly interested in team sports. I far prefer going out for a quiet dinner, going to the cinema, going to an art gallery, staying in and cooking together, going for a scenic walk or something like that.

I don't want to sound boastful but often times when I spend the night around town, a lot of men will come up to me and hit on me when drunk, but I've very rarely been asked out on a proper date by a sober man.

Basically, the point of all this rambling is that I want to know if there are young men in Dublin who believe in taking a woman out on traditional dates and would be fine with a relationship that moved at quite a slow place physically, and where can I meet them? I'm only twenty, so I don't want to date a man who is older than 25. Thank you in advance for your replies.

And I sincerely hope that nobody mis-interprets this post as a rant against Irish men, because I'm not trying at all to criticize the Irish male. I think they are very attractive and manly, I'm just not sure where to find Irish men who are compatible with me.

_dublinlad_

Im afraid there is no easy answer to this question. There is no one place you will find one type of guy, its not like going shopping where you go to different shops to find a set of different things.

You just got to wade through the guys like the rest to find a guy like you detailed. They are out there though.

Piliger

Hi OP. I understand your predicament. My own view is that you are far better sticking to men from your own culture. As the above poster said it's not like shopping ... hoping that there will be 'the one' in the shop around the corner'.
Irish men are part of Irish culture. They cannot be extracted from it. Irish people like to socialise in pubs and they like a drink, and Irish people see sex as an integral part of any relationship from a relatively early stage. This is how we are and this is how most Western cultures are.
I feel that by looking for a needle in a haystack you will only experience disappointment and unhappiness. Even if you do find a guy who is less Irish and more Asian in attitudes it is likely that there are other, less attractive, reasons why he has these views.
I believe you should continue to socialise with Irish people but stick to dating guys from your own style of culture.

My two cents

Ickle Magoo

Hey there OP,

I would hope the days of differing cultures having to "keep to their own" are well and truly behind us - at least, I have too many friends very happily partnered with those from different countries/cultures to think it should be automatically assumed it won't work.

There are a growing number of people courageously breaking free from the archaic stereo-types and really, it's just a matter of finding them. Maybe have a look round and see what groups and meets are on at TCD - I'm sure they will have those that cover your own interests...and the longer you are here and get to meet/make a circle of friends, the less of an issue those who don't share in your interests will be.

All the very best. :cool:

LegacyUser

Cead Mile Failte

I think you should try internet dating. This way, you can be specific with what you want and need.
I think it's a bit unfair for Piliger to suggest "stick to guys from your own culture".
There are people from all walks of life out there. You could be lucky. But waiting to love somebody before sleeping with them, may prove difficult, but maybe not. It does happen for some.
Wishing you the best of luck in your searches, study and your experience of Ireland.
Hope you have a great time

strandroad

Miara wrote: »

I've also noticed that most of the social life here revolves around getting drunk at pubs, going clubbing and watching sports. I like the occasional glass of wine, but nothing more, and I'm not particularly interested in team sports. I far prefer going out for a quiet dinner, going to the cinema, going to an art gallery, staying in and cooking together, going for a scenic walk or something like that.

You could just engage in activities that appeal to you - such as art, cinema etc you mention - and you are likely to meet like-minded guys there. If you go out to pubs only, you'll meet pub loving guys. I understand what you're saying because my interests are exactly like yours but I wouldn't expect to meet a guy for me in a pub/club. Have a look around, there is plenty of social activity gathered around galleries, photography groups, other hobbies. Get out there and hopefully you'll find a better suited company; also sharing a hobby makes initial conversations so much easier!

As to the sexual nature of relationships, it is more of an individual thing, but I think that as you're likely to have chats about cultural background anyway, it's easy to slip that you find the relationships move into this sphere awfully quick here; if getting laid is a priority for the guy he should get it and back off as you won't be a good time investment for him.

ABajaninCork

OP. I know what you mean...I'm not into the raucous pub/club/loads of drinks vibe either. I'm more your quiet drinks and dinner type of gal.

But I got lucky. I'm Black English and married to an Irishman who doesn't drink!

Just stick to your principles, and I'm sure a nice Irishman will turn up soon...:)

Fluorescence

It may be worth checking out the Non-drinkers forum here on boards, as well as joining a few clubs/socs in college that don't revolve around drink. There are plenty of Irish men you could be compatible with, you just need to look outside the pubs and clubs to find them!

I wish you the best of luck

!!!

Piliger wrote: »

Hi OP. I understand your predicament. My own view is that you are far better sticking to men from your own culture. As the above poster said it's not like shopping ... hoping that there will be 'the one' in the shop around the corner'.
Irish men are part of Irish culture. They cannot be extracted from it. Irish people like to socialise in pubs and they like a drink, and Irish people see sex as an integral part of any relationship from a relatively early stage. This is how we are and this is how most Western cultures are.
I feel that by looking for a needle in a haystack you will only experience disappointment and unhappiness. Even if you do find a guy who is less Irish and more Asian in attitudes it is likely that there are other, less attractive, reasons why he has these views.
I believe you should continue to socialise with Irish people but stick to dating guys from your own style of culture.

My two cents

It has nothing to do with culture.
You sound a bit ignorant.
The guys the OP has met just happened to meet haven't been her type.

Have you thought about online dating? Taking up a hobby? You would meet guys there!

Taltos

!!! - as per our charter "Any advice given should be mature, constructive and non-abusive. Opinions are welcome. Ridicule and nastiness are not."

Continued posts like this will soon see your posting rights withdrawn.

Thanks
Taltos

dubhthach

In my own experience college clubs/societies are great way to meet people in general. Especially as there's a shared interest.

Personally I met my missus (filipina) in the History section of a bookshop. So ye never know when you can meet people as long as you are open to possibilities.

As others have said if you rely on pubs/nightclubs well ye just meet guys who enjoy going out. -- Never a big pub-man myself to be honest.

dgt

Hi OP

I am talking as a result as a mixed race person (father Irish, mother Fillipina) and can say, there are plenty of mixed race couples out there. You need to look much further than Dublin, I know of plenty of married couples in a similar situation from all parts of Ireland. Prejudice in this country is gladly dwindling away, so don't be afraid

Best of luck OP

barbiegirl

Join some societies that match your interests, you will be surprised by how many decent Irish blokes there actually are. Sometimes they are just shy and drink is a crutch, other times they just aren't down the pub.
There are walking, srt, creative writing groups etc outside of college too.
Best of luck, I think you will find the right guy will be willing to move at your pace.

dannyc31

i agree with the previous post. join clubs, & societies etc that match your interests. even thou the drinking/club scene is the main part of irish culture it really doesnt suit everyone. especially those who are looking for someone. i know plenty of irish girls who are sick to death of drunken irish men coming up to them speaking rubbish on a night out and would love to meet a nice guy. its nearly even more difficult for these irish girls because they've been programmed by a society to beleive this is how you go about gettting a man.

my advice stay away from the drinking college scene and do a search for those societies in your college or outside of your college, join a few and see who you might meet

LegacyUser

Hi Miara,

I agree with what other posters have suggested about joining societies or clubs on campus or off.

There is one thing I would like to add. I am not sure if you are religious or practising. I do not know what faith if you do, you do not need to be Catholic as I have met quite a few Irish who have converted to other religions.

I think at least at a church or temple you would meet someone who shares the same sentiments when it comes to relationships and sexual intimacy. It's not to say those that are not religious don't. I think that in these environments you would have a higher chance to find someone who feels the same as you. There are plenty faith based activities on campus.

Just a thought.

dclewis

Hi op

I know what your going through. I'm a 25 year old male and I'm Irish. I don't drink and don't enjoy going out to pubs and clubs. I prefer cinema outings and restaurants. I also love museums ,architecture and reading. I find it very hard to meet any Irish women around my age that like what I like, they all seem to be interested in going out at weekends. I was married but am not anymore she use to cause arguments because I didn't drink. She couldn't understand why.

Unfortunately for us all drink is the culture in Ireland but as said above if you were to join clubs and societies relating to your interests you might find someone. But if like me your shy that can be hard. So you just have to be patient.

David

Piliger

The drink aspect of the OP's post is only one part of her issue. Her other major issue is sex and the general sex before marriage culture we have. This is a lot more difficult to get around imho.