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In love with the ex

  • 22-06-2012 1:05pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey everyone. Myself and the gf were dating for close to 4 years. Great craic, we travelled all over and lived together on and off and were best friends etc. Thing is we have been on and off for a while and finally called it off recently enough ( possibly a month) Last time we called it off she took it really badly and we got back together again. Anyways month on from the breakup I went out ended up sleeping with some girl. To be honest I did it take my mind off my ex but if anything it made me feel guilty and empty.

    Myself and the ex still text and I call over a fair bit and we have great craic altogether. There is a bit of flirting but I say she wants to be single for a while so I wouldn't be hinting towards anything more than just hanging out though in reality I'd love for things to go back the way they were. We have agreed that whatever we both do regarding the opposite sex is our own business and that we shouldn't discuss anything of the sort when together. We both felt it would cause too much hurt.

    She's off on holidays shortly. Now she is gorgeous so I know she will be out and of course lads will be lads and she is young and entitled to do what she wants (as I did) which I'm actually ok with. Dont get me wong I'll be jealous and a bit gutted but I have no say or right to express my feelings.

    I dont want to stop having contact with her because to be honest I still love her. My head is in a bit of a spin and any other girl just dosent seem to compair to her. I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy but I cant get her out of my head. Should I stop texting altogether and stop calling over? Is it a bit too soon to be just friends? I think it's clear we still both fancy each other but the timing isint there. I actually want to keep in touch as she is a great friend and good fun plus I think she feels the same too but possibly this time round wants to be single more than I do ( last time we broke up was the opposite)

    Sorry for the long post.


Comments

  • #2
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    You sound like such a nice guy, so sensible and realistic. I don't know what I would do OP. You seem to be able to handle seeing her as friends at the moment, so what's the harm in it.

    I think I would let her know how you feel, e.g. tell her you would like to go back together again. If she wants to be single then you could tell her that you will stop all contact for 3/6 months and let her get on with it and then get in touch again to see if things have changed after that time.

    That is about the best you can do OP. Hope it works out for you.


  • #3
    Virgil°
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    Galwaylad272727 wrote: »

    I dont want to stop having contact with her because to be honest I still love her. My head is in a bit of a spin and any other girl just dosent seem to compair to her
    Unfortunately if you want to get over her you're going to have to create some distance and stop being in contact with her.
    The reason no other girl compares to her is because you aren't over her. And you won't be by constantly being around her. For all you know you could have already passed over a wonderful girl who will make you truly happy because you're still hung up on this one!
    Lorna123 wrote:
    You seem to be able to handle seeing her as friends at the moment, so what's the harm in it.

    I just have to point out my objection to this. I couldn't disagree more. He doesn't seem to be able to handle it at all.
    The whole reason that the OP is even here is because he's in a heap of confusion over his inability to move past this girl.
    And thats the way things are likely to stay if he maintains this regular contact.


  • #4
    Piliger
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    Hi OP.

    If you want to get over this lady, then as Virgil says above you need to separate from her. It's that simple.

    If I was in your shoes I would talk to this lady in a setting where you are both relaxed, and tell her the simple truth. Tell her you are sorry if it upsets her but the truth is you are still in love with her and want to try again to make it work. Tell her you know that it will make it impossible to keep seeing each other if she doesn't feel the same, but if she doesn't then you need to stop seeing her and move on with your life.
    Remember you are not the only one who experiences this. Lots of couples go through this kind of thing and get back together.
    If she doesn't reciprocate then you need to stop seeing her and move on OP. It's not like you won't see her ever ever again. The separation will allow you to deal with the break up and to build relationships elsewhere. In a few years or so you will be in a much better place to resume being normal social friends again.

    Best of luck.


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