Am I a Hypocrite?

generallyjack

Hello. I am currently in Italy and I am going to send a few gifts home. I have visited a number of religious attractions: cathedrals, churches, museums and the like. I bought something small for my very religious grandfather in one of many shops selling souvenirs. The item has a religious message asking God to protect the home. I think I have been feeling guilty because I have had the opportunity to stay here and study and he didn't have the same opportunities. I just wanted to show them that I have been thinking of them. I could buy something else. I have already sent a few postcards to close relatives at home.

I feel annoyed with myself for buying the bloody thing in the first place. I would like to hear what you would do: send it or leave (recycle) it? Is it hypocritical to indulge a loved one's beliefs this way?

Would it be better if I just left religion alone altogether when it comes to family members? Upon reflection, I have recently decided that it would be wrong for me to become a godparent should my siblings have children. What should I do if my family members ask me to participate in the religious part of a wedding as a groomsman? How do you deal with these issues?

Any advice you share would be greatly appreciated.

biko

Not at all. You're simply buying a gift your Grandad will appreciate.
Think of it as buying a dreamcatcher for your hippy cousin. You wouldn't have an issue with that I assume?

Sarky

I couldn't say about the grandfather and religious gifts, but I was a best man last year and all it entailed was organising a piss up (in a brewery, no less), handing over a ring during someone else's religious ceremony, and then spending the rest of the night drunk off my ass and trying to shag the bridesmaid. It's not about religion, it's about the sodding great party afterwards.

Sindri

You should send the gift back. It would probably mean a lot to your grandfather. I got holy water for my grandparents when I was at Lourdes. It's meant to be a gift that the person you care about will appreciate and value, and if you feel this religious gift is a gift that they would appreciate then you should send it, you're not exactly compromising your atheist convictions doing so but rather giving a gift that your grandfather would probably value and that's the important thing.

Rev Hellfire

You're over thinking this.
Its a gift for him, not you. He likes that tat so be it.

As for the god parents thing that's more about ensuring the kids gets a good steady supply of Christmas and birthday gifts. Most people treat it as a way to acknowledge a friend/sibling. Christenings are primarily a secular ritual held in a religious building these days.

Doctor DooM

Why would you deny him something it sounds like he'd love?

To me, part of being atheist is realising we've only got these few brief years on this planet. Doing something nice, using your own time and money to give someone something which will genuinely make their existence nicer at the (admittedly small, but the resource is finite) cost of yours isn't just a pleasant thing to do, it's actually noble. You're not doing it for any reward, no deity saying good boy for being nice. You're being good for simply the sake of being good.

When looked at from that angle...

No principals lost there, tbh.

Galvasean

I usually but atrocious movies for Mother's day. What can I say? the crazy lady likes Twilight. The gift isn't for me so some pride swallowing is necessary the odd time.

endacl

Think of it as giving a gift of cultural, rather than religious significance? Is it really a big deal. Wrap it in satan paper?

I gave my atheist sister away at her catholic wedding to her agnostic husband. Felt honoured and touched to have been asked to take a significant part in her special day. Churchiness was for the sake of his parents. Lovely people. Priest was a friend of the family. Nice man who knew exactly what was going on. There was a Hindu there too. No big deal. If I'm invited to be a godfather to her child, I'll do it.

It can be easy to overthink this stuff...

fitz0

You're not a hypocrite at all for this. When you buy any present for someone do you buy something you like or something you think they would like? Doing that makes you a thoughtful person, not a hypocrite.

Bannasidhe

I am not ashamed to say that I have lit a candle in memory of my Grandmother in many of Europe's cathedrals - Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, Duomo di Milano, Saint Mark's Basilica,York Minster, Westminster Abbey, St Pauls, St. Peter's, St. Pierre Cathedral (Calvin's place), etc.

I do it because she was a widely travelled woman and she lit in candle in every church she ever visited in memory of her own grandmother (who was a Methodist). I think it's a cool way to call her to mind, repeating an action she did in a place she did it. An Atheist lighting a candle for a Catholic who used to light candles for a Protestant.

I bring my own candles....

Not long before her death I bought her a set of rosary beads - she asked to be buried with them as they meant a lot to her coming from a non-believer. It meant I respected her religious beliefs even if I didn't share them.

She had huge respect for other people's beliefs and was my most staunch and vocal defender when I was a baby budding Atheist.

Dades

Re being a "Godparent"; I wouldn't turn it down on condition that the parents were fully aware of your (lack of) beliefs, and were fine with your role as Godparent being in no-way be a spiritual one.

Bannasidhe

Dades wrote: »

Re being a "Godparent"; I wouldn't turn it down on condition that the parents were fully aware of your (lack of) beliefs, and were fine with your role as Godparent being in no-way be a spiritual one.

I was godparent to my granddaughter and I was fully prepared to promise to teach her all about the Catholic Church - as it turned out the priest was drunk (or hypoglycaemic) and he answered all our bits for us.

The church had never seen a congregation quite like it - we had Catholics, Atheists, Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Anglicans, Methodists, Wiccans and Presbyterians all trying to stifle hysterical laughter at drunk (or hypoglycaemic) priest.
When he slipped and nearly went head first into the font they abandoned any attempts at remaining serious.

Just as the whole thing finally got going the photographer - a friend of mine - loudly announced in her best I am the principle of a primary school voice that she was standing down the back and using a telephoto lens just in case I finally got struck by a well deserved bolt of lightening.

Granddaughter is now nearly 6 and questions everyone about their religious beliefs - she is of the opinion that God does not exist but the Easter Bunny absolutely does.

Dades

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Granddaughter is now nearly 6 and questions everyone about their religious beliefs - she is of the opinion that God does not exist but the Easter Bunny absolutely does.

Smart girl. The Easter Bunny at least comes up with the tangible goods once a year.

mikemac1

Buying a present OP isn't hypocritical, it's not for you

I have recently decided that it would be wrong for me to become a godparent should my siblings have children.

You are asked to make declarations
Asked questions and you answer

But if you're going to be a godparent at least tell the parents first you are not serious about it and you'll be saying empty words.

They can then decide if they still want you, they most likely will

generallyjack

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I suppose it is easy to over-think these things and you have helped put that into perspective for me. It can be a real pain in the backside! I'll send it on.

On the issue of becoming a godparent, I suppose I felt I couldn't fulfill the religious commitment that one is supposed to undertake. I would be honoured if someone considered me a suitable candidate and I hope that I will make a good uncle some day. However, because I don't agree with the practice, I will have to think about it some more. As some of you have mentioned, a secular guardian-type role is a possibility.

I suppose it begs the question: how hard-line is too hard-line?

Best wishes

sbsquarepants

No there isn't anything inherently hypocritical about buying a present!
I can see where you're coming from it is a bit of a contradiction - but sure that's life.
I hate the church, but i still visited the vatican when i was rome - and i have a very nice spark of creation fridge magnet which i bought there stuck to my fridge to this day as a memento:D