How do you wipe a traumatic event from your memory?

2rkehij30qtza5

Is it possible?

I went through a very traumatic thing in 2011 which lasted for a good few months. I went to counselling over it but all the counsellor did was 'listen' and offer sympathy but no real remedy.

I don't want to go into what happened..it's still so raw and I'm trying to erase the year from my memory but it always seems to be brought up one way or the other by people who just want to talk about it with me. I am sick and tired of telling people I don't want to hear anymore about it. Nobody seems to listen.

I'm trying this technique that I read online which involves freezing/pausing a scene in my mind when it pops into my mind. If that makes sense. While it works to an extent, I still have a lot of nightmares and I get very stressed out when thinking of what happened.

I'm pregnant so I'm afraid of what the stress will do if I don't get it under more control.

I DON'T want to go to more counselling as that will involve having to talk about the whole thing again and I'm really not able to do that.

Does anyone have any techniques that can help erase memories and events?

Sorry this is very rambling but I'm not actually able to be more specific. I just need a way of clearing my mind of everything that happened so I can be at peace both during waking hours and when asleep (no nightmares anymore).

Thanks

a fat guy

Talking about it tends to be what solves traumatic events.

You can't just block them out, you're going to have to talk about what happened and deal with it that way.

And of course you're not going to want to, because that means actually facing what happened, but in the end you'll be glad you did.

Good luck!

neemish

You can't just wipe it unfortunately. I had a trauma when I was VERY young and the memories still come back to me. I had twenty years where it was all blocked out, and yet the effects were there.
I know you say you don't want counselling, but maybe the person you saw wasn't able to help you deal with it. There are types of counselling that are specifically aimed at helping you cope with trauma. If you ring a counsellor, ask if they have experience in that area.

And if anyone offers to help you "erase" the memories, don't do it! You will pay for it dearly in the long run.

take care

2rkehij30qtza5

a fat guy wrote: »

Talking about it tends to be what solves traumatic events.

You can't just block them out, you're going to have to talk about what happened and deal with it that way.

And of course you're not going to want to, because that means actually facing what happened, but in the end you'll be glad you did.

Good luck!

Thanks but I really can't talk about it! I spent 5 sessions talking to a counsellor about it and it didn't help me in the long term.

What has prompted me to write this thread tonight is that someone (a friend) texted me this evening asking me how I was doing over what happened! I just wish people would STOP reminding me!!! I had to text her back and tell her this!!

It's like it follows me wherever I go. I just really have to figure out some way of blocking it. Maybe hypnotherapy or something. I don't know!

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

I was diagnosed with delayed onset and complex PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I suffered from severe child abuse growing up and these memories didn't resurface until I left home. I was blocking them for a while but the flashbacks started to happen.

The best advice I can give you is to "shop" around for counsellors. You need to find the right one for you. This is about you not the counsellor. If you are not happy with working with your counsellor you have the right to go to another one. I went through 5 counsellors before finding one that worked well with me. Three were not a good fit and I didn't feel better, in fact after my sessions I went home and cried for hours and felt worse. And when I look back now, they were not trauma specialists. They were counsellors that had other niches (relationships, burnout, grief etc). I had one counsellor who had the courtesy and professionalism to admit to me that she could not work with me as she was not "equipped" to help me so instead referred me to someone else that she felt was better suited for me. It was the best referral I ever got. I was uncomfortable and reluctant at first because the counsellor was a male but this gentleman saved my life, really.

I will be honest and upfront with you about flashbacks and reliving trauma. You can never erase what has happened to you. The only thing you can do is change your reaction when it comes to your memories. You can desensitise from them but they will never leave you. I have read and studied enough about trauma not only as a patient but as a professional (I am a psych nurse). Through good therapy and grounding techniques, you can have your memories not affect you the way they have. But in order to do this you have to work with a qualified therapist that can help you with your flashbacks and nightmares. Keep in mind you must be stable emotionally and ready as once you start this process you CANNOT STOP. Stopping treatment (abruptly no longer continuing with it) can make matters worse not better. This is why some therapists are reluctant to go further until they know you are ready and willing to go through the entire process. I had to prove to mine I was ready and it was a long journey (over 2 years) going through my flashbacks and nightmares. Now I can talk about my abuse and trauma without feeling anxious, scared or depressed. What happened to me will always be in my memory but my memories no longer have any control of my life. I am in control of my life and how I react to my memories. I can think and speak about my trauma without shame, guilt or fear.

I am sorry that you feel like not continuing with counselling. If you read many stats on unresolved trauma, many sufferers have a higher chance of developing long term depression/anxiety and an addiction (another coping strategy). I don't want to tell you what to do but personally I think you need to find a counsellor that works well with you. Maybe you have not worked with the right one so far. I am not sure what to say and how to help but (for example) if your trauma was based on domestic violence, my suggestion may be to contact your local shelter and see if they can recommend you someone that is better versed with your issues and needs. Sometimes it is the matter of finding the right match for you to work intensively with this so it doesn't turn into something worse in the future. There is nothing to erase memories and that's fact. What counselling can do is "dampen" or desensitise from these memories. You owe this to your baby and of course you owe this to yourself. Work with this now, I know it sounds scary but it isn't. You will come out of it a much stronger person and you deserve that. Good luck xx

blacklilly

Hi OP,
firstly sorry to hear you experienced something tramatic.

This event as you say happened quite recently and as such you may not feel ready to talk about it.
Sometimes when something tramatic happens the mind will blank things out, sort of like a survival technique.
At the moment you obviously do not feel comfortable talking about what happened to you and that is fine, subconsciously you may be trying to blank it out, forget about it.

Unfortunately in the long term this is not s good approach. My advice is to go about your day to day life and perhaps don't tell others about this event as you have already said you are getting annoyed with friends asking you questions,however bear in mind your friends are just concerned for you.
Perhaps try meditation or some form of relaxation where you can surrender the stress this tramatic event has caused you
Also 5 sessions with a councellor is a very short period of time and many people spendd years going.to councellors in order to deal with issues that have arisen for them. Also a councellor is not there to give you answers and instead try to direct you towards your own answers while pointing you in directions that you may at first feel uncomfortable with

Unfortunately is it impossible to totally eradicate tramatic memories and you will just have to learn how to accept that this happened. you will however gain control back in your life if you seek the required help.

I hope everything works out for you and don't be hard on yourself

iguana

I know you didn't find the experience with the counsellor helpful but there are other types of therapy that use different methods so maybe don't rule them all out. It sounds as if a technique like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy would help you get what you want. In CBT the idea is that instead of talking through your past you set goals about how you want to feel and work out behaviours that will help you feel that way. It won't help you 'block out' what you went through, but it could help you to move past it and feel the way you would like to about the rest of your life.

I know a few people who have had great results from it in a short time and they had each spent years doing traditional counselling on and off that often left them feeling worse instead of better.

Sleepy

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is sci-fi, no such technique exists in the real world and trying to run away from your feelings about the event will just leave it festering.

You have two options: get out the lego blocks, build a bridge and get over it or tackle it head on, let your emotions about it come to the surface and deal with them by getting them out however that may be: screaming, crying, roaring, shouting, whatever.

That one counsellor couldn't help you doesn't invalidate the option. Was the counsellor you visited a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist or just someone offering counselling services? (It's a pretty much unregulated field in Ireland and lots of well-meaning morons set themselves up as counsellors after FÁS-like Pyschology 101 courses). You're certainly not going to find a solution on the internet either.

That you find it so hard to even discuss with a counsellor is a good indication that professional help *is* the answer for you. You can't run away from your life, just live it to the best of your own ability.

Raven_Melody

unregistered wrote: »

Dear OP,

I was diagnosed with delayed onset and complex PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I suffered from severe child abuse growing up and these memories didn't resurface until I left home. I was blocking them for a while but the flashbacks started to happen.

The best advice I can give you is to "shop" around for counsellors. You need to find the right one for you. This is about you not the counsellor. If you are not happy with working with your counsellor you have the right to go to another one. I went through 5 counsellors before finding one that worked well with me. Three were not a good fit and I didn't feel better, in fact after my sessions I went home and cried for hours and felt worse. And when I look back now, they were not trauma specialists. They were counsellors that had other niches (relationships, burnout, grief etc). I had one counsellor who had the courtesy and professionalism to admit to me that she could not work with me as she was not "equipped" to help me so instead referred me to someone else that she felt was better suited for me. It was the best referral I ever got. I was uncomfortable and reluctant at first because the counsellor was a male but this gentleman saved my life, really.

I will be honest and upfront with you about flashbacks and reliving trauma. You can never erase what has happened to you. The only thing you can do is change your reaction when it comes to your memories. You can desensitise from them but they will never leave you. I have read and studied enough about trauma not only as a patient but as a professional (I am a psych nurse). Through good therapy and grounding techniques, you can have your memories not affect you the way they have. But in order to do this you have to work with a qualified therapist that can help you with your flashbacks and nightmares. Keep in mind you must be stable emotionally and ready as once you start this process you CANNOT STOP. Stopping treatment (abruptly no longer continuing with it) can make matters worse not better. This is why some therapists are reluctant to go further until they know you are ready and willing to go through the entire process. I had to prove to mine I was ready and it was a long journey (over 2 years) going through my flashbacks and nightmares. Now I can talk about my abuse and trauma without feeling anxious, scared or depressed. What happened to me will always be in my memory but my memories no longer have any control of my life. I am in control of my life and how I react to my memories. I can think and speak about my trauma without shame, guilt or fear.

I am sorry that you feel like not continuing with counselling. If you read many stats on unresolved trauma, many sufferers have a higher chance of developing long term depression/anxiety and an addiction (another coping strategy). I don't want to tell you what to do but personally I think you need to find a counsellor that works well with you. Maybe you have not worked with the right one so far. I am not sure what to say and how to help but (for example) if your trauma was based on domestic violence, my suggestion may be to contact your local shelter and see if they can recommend you someone that is better versed with your issues and needs. Sometimes it is the matter of finding the right match for you to work intensively with this so it doesn't turn into something worse in the future. There is nothing to erase memories and that's fact. What counselling can do is "dampen" or desensitise from these memories. You owe this to your baby and of course you owe this to yourself. Work with this now, I know it sounds scary but it isn't. You will come out of it a much stronger person and you deserve that. Good luck xx

You couldn't get much better advice than this OP.

You need to find a reputable psychologist. A counsellor isn't going to be equipped to deal with your situation at all. The memories won't go and there's no way of making them disappear - but you can learn to deal with them. It won't happen in a few weeks, or a few months, and to be honest it could take years; but you can do it with the right support. It won't be easy, in fact it'll be really bloody hard. It'll be so hard that you'll want to go back to trying to blank it all out and running away. But the thing is, you can't keep running - because it'll eventually catch up with you and hit you smack in the face. If you try to face up to it now, you'll be equipped with the tools to hit it right back.

It'll be a long road OP, but there is hope. My best wishes to you x

username123

I suffered a traumatic situation with many acute upsetting events and long term stress for a number of years (parental alcoholism).

Talking about it helped me. I did group therapy with Alanon. I talked about it once a week for a number of years - plus talking about it with friends etc...

I reached a point where I could talk about it in a detached way, like I was looking back at it but I didnt have the emotional connection.

Good luck. I hope you resolve this.

2rkehij30qtza5

OP here.

Many many thanks to you all. Some fantastic advice there. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me.

Yes unfortunately the counselling didn't help much...it did a little bit at the time but I felt that all I did was cry my way through the sessions. The counsellor was very sympathetic but I didn't feel that I got techniques to try and move on and forget or move on and deal with it.

I definately don't feel ready to go back to counselling yet. I'm not depressed...definately not. I just get very stressed out when I think about it or when I have a nightmare. I deffo don't feel like the old me though...I'm kinda gone into my shell a good bit. I'm a lot quieter I find and happier to hide at home than go out as I just don't feel like talking to people much. Not saying i am a total recluse-far from
It but I'm just not the person I once was.

Anyway, I'll prob delete this post on a day or two but thanks again for all the input and advice. I guess everyone here is saying to get a counsellor and a right one. I just have to get to a stage where I am ready to go down that route. Thanks.

(p.s. no it's not domestic abuse. I have an amazing supportive husband who I am very lucky to have).

I am a friend

Op I was in a similar position to you last year while pg. My doctor was aware of the circumstances and they watched me like a hawk for signs of post natal depression. I was told by health professionals that your body basically suspends dealing with issues while pg but the dangerous time is that it can hit the new mum like a ton of bricks once the baby arrives.

Let your care team know about your stresses as whether you like it or not you need extra care or attention for your sake and the baby's. As well as that, try to go easy on your friends - they are trying to help and you may need them once the baby arrives. I have found that friends have trailed off since baba arrived so try not to push any away for caring about you.

username123

Josephine Flaky Glue wrote: »

Yes unfortunately the counselling didn't help much...it did a little bit at the time but I felt that all I did was cry my way through the sessions. The counsellor was very sympathetic but I didn't feel that I got techniques to try and move on and forget or move on and deal with it.

Just so you know, I kind of squirmed, cried and shut down while talking about my own traumatic experiences for a number of months - maybe 8-12 months. But it did slowly start getting better. And then one day I realised I was able to talk about it without feeling or getting upset.

There are still times where I have bad dreams or feel bad about a particular incident, but I still find if I can talk it out I feel better. Sometimes just talking to myself on a walk helps too.

P. Breathnach

Hi Galwaygirlee.

I am pleased that you have more or less decided to go for counselling again, even if you want to delay doing so until you think you are ready. Yes, it is important that you get the right counsellor. I'm not sure that the last counsellor was necessarily unsuited to your needs: crying has therapeutic value, and five sessions of counselling is not a great deal if you are trying to deal with something that has a huge impact on you. [Of course, I can't say either that the counsellor was the right one for you, so don't think that I am arguing with you about it.]

I am concerned that you may want one thing that I think is probably unattainable: to be able to delete bad memories. I'd pin my hopes for you on the alternative option you mention: "move on and deal with it". The memory of what happened will probably always be there, but what you might achieve is to have the sense of trauma pretty well stripped away from it. If that is managed, the problem won't force itself into your current life nearly so much.

iguana

Josephine Flaky Glue wrote: »

I definately don't feel ready to go back to counselling yet. I'm not depressed...definately not. I just get very stressed out when I think about it or when I have a nightmare. I deffo don't feel like the old me though...I'm kinda gone into my shell a good bit. I'm a lot quieter I find and happier to hide at home than go out as I just don't feel like talking to people much. Not saying i am a total recluse-far from
It but I'm just not the person I once was.

If you are definitely not ready for counselling again then your best bet is to find some stress management techniques. If you are out of your first trimester then maybe consider yoga. Yoga is a proven stress reliever as a session of it increases the brain's production of gamma-aminobutyric acid a chemical which helps induce a relaxed state. The effect is similar to having a couple of glasses of wine in terms of relaxation but without the negative effects of alcohol.

Your best option would be to join a pregnancy yoga class as you would also benefit physically from the activity in terms of preparation for labour. This would also have the benefit of you meeting people who aren't aware of your past, so won't be asking you about it and will instead just be excited about their babies, which will provide a good distraction for you. It won't fix everything but it will teach you techniques for stress reduction and provide you with a social outlet where you are just you, and not the you who is dealing with trauma.