Completely head over heels

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Regular poster going anon.

Long story short, I have fallen head over heels for someone I work with.

They are amazing. I know them in and outside work and there are so many things I could list that make me crazy about them in good and bad ways. They're smart, friendly, we have the exact same sense of humour, they are sensitive, they are caring and excellent at their job as well as being physically very attractive. We get on extremely well and I have really fallen hard for this person. I think about them constantly and wonder what would happen if we were ever lucky enough to end up together.

They walk into the room and my heart fills with happiness, I just love their presence in a room and the way they speak and smile and laugh.

We have had some flirty banter in work and I thought I was in there with a shot and one night out with work, I was rejected and while I was upset about it, I got on with it. However, the flirting then started up again. It's as though we cannot stay away from each other.

We work very well together and are nothing but professional in the workplace (all flirty banter is between the two of us on breaks etc) but there's just something there and I do not think they can deny it either.

About 3 weeks ago, we went for a few drinks with a few of the people from work and one thing lead to another and we ended up having a big heart to heart and they told me how they felt about me and I was thrilled, finally thinking YES, it has not been all in my head. We kissed and I felt like the luckiest person in the world. We continued to have some more flirty, heated banter the following days and it was not awkward in work at all.

However, in the last few days, they have basically gotten cold feet and backed out of everything and I don't know whether it's me or work or what. On the night in question and the day after in the cold light of day, they swore it was not drink affected and genuinely meant what they said, but now they are backing out and saying it was drink and it didn't mean anything.

I'm a nice person, and I have been very kind and patient while they put me through the ring and I think we would be great together. The person knows how I feel and knows that I would keep everything in work a secret.

I am absolutely head over heels for this person. I wouldn't say I'm in love with them, but there are definitely stronger-than-normal feelings there. I had my heart broken 3 years ago and this is the first time I have felt genuine stirring in my heart for someone since then. They know all of this and yet now I'm being given the cold shoulder and showed the door, being told everything was a drunken mistake.

Should I just move on? Should I live in hope (as I often do?)... I really don't know.

The Rory Gallagher song "I fall apart" really sums up how I'm feeling at the minute...

Like a cat that's playing with a ball of twine
That you call my heart
Tell me baby, is it so hard to tell the two apart?

I'm only living for the hour that I see your face,
When that happens I don't want to be in any other place
Till the end of time
You'll be on my mind

Lorna123

God OP it is like this person is blowing hot and cold. That is so confusing. I can't understand anyone saying they feel the same as you and then backing out of it, but I guess this person is not as into you as you are into them, but still there is something there. The best thing you can do is stop all flirting and just keep it strictly business like without being unfriendly. See how they react then. It might be just a bit too much for them at the moment. Give this person space to fully make up their mind, that is what I would do.

Ickle Magoo

Maybe they can sense you're being a bit full-on, OP and that's making them think twice about getting involved, especially with a colleague.

It's one thing having a bit of fun or an office crush but the way you describe them as "amazing" and are all dewey eyed about them, while it's quite sweet from an outsiders perspective, if it were me and I could sense my colleague looking/thinking/feeling that way about me and investing so much, I'd be worried about what would happen and the kind of atmosphere I'd have to work in if it all went wrong.

Maybe just take a step back or two - give yourself some time to calm down and him to work out what he wants.

All the best. :cool:

_dublinlad_

I believe that the truest words are often spoken whilst drunk. So I would tend to believe that what this guy said on the night was what he actually feels.

I would agree with an above poster that maybe you came on far too strong. I mean if I had a crush on a girl from work and we went for drinks and she started pouring her heart out to me like you did - I would maybe take two steps back, you know what I mean? Maybe he thought you were attractive and a good laugh and thought noting more, then you started telling him all these things and he thought to himself "Jesus"... I know I would..

I would certainly not just forget this and move on. Its not often members of the opposite sex come along that can make you feel the emotions you do. Just play in cool next time your out, I dont really see the need for a heart to heart, that should come later if you two progress, just let the night run its course without getting soppy, then if it happens it happens.

Elmidena

OP I noticed that you don't refer to them by gender (nor do you have to) but it just made me wonder if it is a same sex relationship or something similar where they might be fighting with how they feel for you, the implications for working together and maybe being frowned upon by society. A lot of the country is narrow-minded after all so if this is the case, I would let them to come to their own conclusions with minimal coaxing from you. A relationship isn't worth much if it's forced--it breeds resentment in the end in most cases.

Returning to gender-neutral advice. You had your heart broken three years ago and they are aware of this, and are aware you've not been on the scene to any meaningful extent since. Maybe they just really like you but find the pressure of ending years' of void daunting and don't want you to have painted this amazing picture of them only for them to be the one to break your heart again. Is it possible that you are confusing a crush with a deep friendship? I know that when I meet someone I think is awesome it can be difficult to see if I'm on the same wavelength or I fancy them (gotten a bit better as I got older but still, I get very giddy etc when I'm having a laugh with friends).

I'd recommend cooling off for a bit OP and let them come to you. You've made your feelings and thoughts clear to them, and to carry on might just drive them away by accidentally seeming a bunny-boiler for being too keen. Good luck

cooked

I recommend dropping he hint that you are going on a date with someone else.... i know its a bit of game playing. but nothing snaps someone into focus more than the thought that they are going to lose you to someone else.
so dress up, slap the smile on and strut out of the office to go on your "date". they'll soon know what they want and so will you!

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies - really helped me out.

I've a few responses that might help clear up a few points:

@IckleMagoo - I keep my feelings very much in check in work. I don't make anything other than normal eye contact/conversation. I've very good at keeping my feelings in check and not displaying them on my face/body language etc. They know I like them but they don't know the extent as I have described above.

@_dublinlad_ - I didn't pour my heart out to them. We started talking about love and relationships (they started the conversation!) and they asked me straight out if I liked them and if I think about them etc and it all spiralled out of control from there (me saying stuff, them saying stuff etc)

@Elmidena - We've known each other for 2 years and have been friends for most of that time but these feelings only developed in the last year or so.

I'm just upset and confused because they admitted to having all these feelings for me and having them for longer than I have but wanting nothing to do with me anymore and to write it off as drink talking.

I just don't know what to do given I spoke to them the day after at like 11am and everything was fine and flirty and talk of dinner dates etc and then nothing.

Beginning to think it was all just an ego boosting for them, wanting to know someone was crazy about them and going along with it to hear nice things said about themselves...

Sleepy

Maybe they're someone that tries to keep work and personal life separate and are afraid to cross that line with you? I've definitely seen this stop people from getting involved with people they've liked in the past...

Dark Phoenix

when I read the first few lines of your posts I assumed you were actually in a relationship with someone. The feelings you describe are very full on for someone you have only kissed once. I know you think you keep all that in check but its possible you are showing more than you realise and the full on vibe has put him off.

He may have just wanted some light hearted fun with someone and doesnt want to get involved with someone so intense because if he did and ye broke up id imagine it would create a less than nice work environment. To have flirted and kissed someone and then realise they are disproprotionally mad about you may have caused him to back right off. Having been in a similar situation before i've learned one motto in lfe - dont screw the crew.

LegacyUser

Hi,

OP here again.

Just wanted to respond to Dark Phoenix here -

The person does not know the extent of my feelings as I have described them here - I'm not the kind of person to openly describe how I feel about someone to their face as I have been hurt before by revealing too much of my feelings. I very rarely lose my temper or cry or even shout in public. I am a very reserved person and it took a lot for me to admit that I liked them to their face. They asked me if I liked them and I responded "Yeah, I suppose" and we kissed.

I am the kind of person who hides their feelings and just overthinks everything on the inside. They don't know how highly I think of them or how long I've been feeling like this. The shoe was actually on the other foot as they told me how much they liked me and I was just staying cool but basically having a parade of joy on the inside. They even said "I don't believe you, you don't seem to mean it when you say you like me," as I was so minimalist in saying what I said.

I know my original post makes it sound like I'm fawning after this person like a lovesick puppy, but I'm actually not. I work in a completely different office on the other side of the building to them and although we see each other on a daily basis, we do not work closely together. These feelings have built up over a long period of time where our contact has been very intense. We have gone to the cinema together and for drinks together as friends (before I developed feelings) so we actually know each other very well.

They told me they were mad about me and think about me all the time. They told me I was exactly what they were looking for in a partner and they couldnt understand why we aren't together. I responded by saying I didnt know either. I was delighted with this but didnt overreact as that is not my style and now they are blanking me and pretending I don't exist.

And as I can predict the next comment coming - it wasn't the kiss cos we were about to rip each other's clothes off in the middle of the nightclub. The passion is there and still is. They sent me a text last night saying they can't bear this tension but they don't know what to do. I didn't even reply cos I don't know what to say.

Does it make more sense now?