Help!!

LegacyUser

Hi guys ,

Going unregistered for this one! I feel so stupid, Ive been bullied into going away for the week end with my BF. I really didnt want to go but but between him and his parent saying I should go I just gave up. (They reckon Im stressed out at work)

The problem is that I've been trying to end things with him for the last couple of weeks, everytime i've tried he changes my mind again. He begins to beg and plead and I end up giving in. He's just turned into a control freak the last few months and I feel as if I dont have a life of my own anymore. He's constantly ringing and texting me wanting to know where I am and what Im doing. He's checking up on me all the time, and any time i want to go see my friends or family or just have an evening on my own it ends up in a row and I end up giving in to him.

Now i'm supposed to get on a plane this evening and I really feel so sick about it. I cant bear the thought of being alone with him all week end. Lately his behaviour has touched on been scary and i feel very uneasy around him.
Im 27 and should be able to stand up to this but I cant bring myself to tell him I dont want to go but I just go to pot around him.

How am I going to get through this week end?!!!

Moon Indigo

Could you play the sick card? Stomach bug or something? Or maybe get a relative to say someone (another imaginary relative maybe) is sick or you are needed badly at home? Not ideal I know but you have to make a quick choice to go or not.

End of the day if you feel uneasy around him or simply don't want to go be strong and say so. Its just prolonging the inevitable and he and his family may feel you are stringing them along. Just bite the bullet if at all possible. Best of luck

LegacyUser

If I was you I'd tell him that you're going to the airport straight from work and that you'll meet them there as you've got things to finish up before you go.

Then don't show at the airport.

It's the perfect time to break up with him as he'll have his family there for him (a) and they'll know something serious is up and they'll know that you dumped him (b) which means that it won't all seem rosey to them.

Text at check in time saying "I can't go. I've tried to break it off before. This time I am doing it for good. It's for the best".

He'll have to face facts then.

Ickle Magoo

First of all - cancel the weekend.

Your physical well-being is most important here and you should not allow yourself to be bullied by your (soon to be) ex or their parents. Next - you have to be strong, if you don't want to be in this relationship then there is little point in allowing yourself to be talked around or caving in to pressure.

I would usually suggest breaking up in private but as you are now fearful of his reaction and he's not taking no for an answer, ask your boyfriend to meet you in a public place - take a friend for support if needs be, even if they sit at a different seat - and calmly but firmly tell him you don't love him, you don't want to be in a relationship with him and you won't be going away with him.

If his parents contact you, politely tell them you have every right to end a relationship that is making you unhappy and you won't be discussing it with them and hang-up. Ignore any efforts to contact you and if need be let your own family and friends know why it's come to this. It's down to you - if you aren't happy in the relationship then you are going to have to be assertive and make that clear.

All the best.

stargazer 68

Op - you have made this bed so now you are going to have to lie in it. You should never have agreed to this weekend in the first place and you know it - pressure or not.

Do not go on the weekend - it will only make the situation worse. I agree with 'Ickle Magoo' - sit him down and tell him its over and have someone with you so you dont give in again.

Good luck xx

LegacyUser

I can't begin to explain why I just couldnt come out and say. He just sems to get really upset anytime i mention I'm not happy. Always talks me round.
I feel extremely guilty because he's spent money on it, it was booked back at xmas time when things were going good.
I supposed I'm afraid of what people will say If I dont turn up. They'll say im completely heartless and mean. His parents are lovely people and have been very good to me and I don't want to upset them either.
It's just a mess, and my own fault for not standing up and saying something sooner.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Lorna123

I feel really sorry for you OP but I don't think I could cancel something like this at such short notice. You should have done it weeks ago. If it were me I would just go but I would make sure to tell him while on holidays that there will be no more holidays, that's it. Best of Luck

analucija

_Cisco_ wrote: »

I can't begin to explain why I just couldnt come out and say. He just sems to get really upset anytime i mention I'm not happy. Always talks me round.
I feel extremely guilty because he's spent money on it, it was booked back at xmas time when things were going good.
I supposed I'm afraid of what people will say If I dont turn up. They'll say im completely heartless and mean. His parents are lovely people and have been very good to me and I don't want to upset them either.
It's just a mess, and my own fault for not standing up and saying something sooner.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Maybe offer to cover part of the cost of cancellation. You will feel even worse if he spends more money on the trip and then you break up with him just after coming back. If you had hard time leaving him now it will be even harder after the weekend away. And you are not doing either of you any favors.