crippling self esteem ruining everything

LegacyUser

Hi,

I don't know where to start. My self esteem has reached a crippling stage. I am on the verge of losing everything, well not everything, but things that seem like everything to me including my friends and my boyfriend. I am on the verge of a break up with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do. He feel likle he hasnt been treating me with respect, and I know if I had any self respect I'd walk out of there right now, but I'm afraid it will be the wrong decision, that I want to wait a bit longer to see if it gets better, that I'm giving up on something that might turn out to be really good.. I probably sound a bit naive.

I just hate caring so much, and I know that all I have to do is stop caring, but I can't, I really can't, and it's exhausting me. I feel like I need a break to gather my thoughts but I need to work. I've been to a counsellor, and had to stop as you are only allowed be a patient for three months as it's very busy.. I'm on medication, but I feel I'm slipping back into the old habits. Just everything is getting really hard for me again, and I'm getting a bit more emotional, and I thought that'd stopped because of the meds...

I am just so confused I don't know what to do about anything. I don't know whether I'm over reacting about my friends stopping contact with me, about my boyfriend's lack of affection, about everything. I am so tired. I'm not even bothered about going out for my birthday because it will just feel fake to me.. fake happiness.. i just wish this would end

I love my friends and boyfriend so much, and I'd do anything for them, but I think they might be taking this for granted.. But then, I don't know whether that's just me being paranoid. But I try to talk to them, tell them how I feel, but they get angry.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like breaking off contact with the lot of them, but again, still don't know whether it's an over reaction... I just feel I'm going to lose it any day now..

Beruthiel

angryouytburts wrote: »

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like breaking off contact with the lot of them, but again, still don't know whether it's an over reaction... I just feel I'm going to lose it any day now..

Isn't it about time you got in touch with a professional then?
Why are you letting this just go on and on?
Go talk to someone who can help.

edellc

OP it sounds like you need a holiday, to get some perspective on your life and get away from the dull and dreary, can you take time off for holidays if not can you go to the doctor and tell them how you feel see if they can give you a sick note for a week or so just to get some sleep, and have a proper sit down with your BF and see what is going on

Its hard to live with someone with depression my OH will tell you that, and we do tend to over dramatise things but thats the nature of the beast, maybe your meds have stopped working and you need to get the dose adjusted upwards, its could be as simple as that, but go to your doctor and talk

As for your friends as we get older we dont live in our friends pockets as we did when we where teenager, its life, and its busy and thats just how it goes true friends are always at the other end of the phone and even if you dont see them for months you pick up where you left off, we all can have acquittance's but true friends rise to the top and as we get older the number of so called friends gets edited and most of us are lucky if we are left an amount that equals that of fingers on one hand

Go to your GP Op and seek the help you know you need

wylo

Heres my recommendations, they are different to the normal advice but if you really worked hard you could become totally free of all that nonsense and just enjoy the qualities of your friends /boyfriend without referencing yourself into it.


1. Learn about meditation.
2. Look up "Liberation Unleashed" ( a process you go through to attain a perceptual shift and free yourself of that stuff)
4. Look up Byron Katie - The Work (a process you go through to challenge all your thoughts)
5. Read about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
6. Look up Greg Goode - Direct Path (a philosophy book with experiments, maybe a little deep and confusing, but very liberating once you realize the world doesnt revolve around you)