silly lies

LegacyUser

Can you get over someone lying to you?

I recently caught my bf in a web of lies. Stupid little lies I thought (like over the prices of things and what shift he was on in work, really silly things) however I was playing around with his iphone and a message came through from some girl. I know most of his friends and didn't recognise the name.

I read the message and couldn't help but read over the previous. Serious flirting going on, she was teasing him saying she'd love to see him a suit and so on and so forth and he said "oh play your cards right and i might treat ya to fancy dinner, will wear my suit" They seem to only talking a short while (our relationship has been a little rocky lately). But he had texted her first as she texted him back saying "sorry who's this, don't have the number stored " I let it go, just saying he got a text and asked who ***** was and he brushed it off saying some girl from "work" however her FB is public and she doesn't even work with him.

I just don't know what to do. My heart loves him but my head is screaming end it. And the fact I was in the wrong by reading his messages I feel more awful. All my friends are telling me to end it, that you can't trust a liar but I feel just as bad because I've abused his trust by reading his messages

_dublinlad_

Explain yourself as you have here. If you took his phone outta his pocket it would be a different story, but the fact that you were playing around on it when the message came through makes it perfectly understandable that you would read it.

If he is innocent he shouldnt be too annoyed (I wouldnt be anyway). So just ask him. First list why your asking him and dont just blurt it out though.

Lorna123

I don't know OP I don't think I would admit to reading his messages because he might get so angry that you won't get anything out of him and he will blame you for being too nosey and get out of it that way. He will feel so guilty and probably fob you off with saying that this is just a flirtation and nothing else, but you will never know for sure and I don't know if I could live with that. He will then try to make you feel guilty about reading his messages, as if two wrongs make a right.

The way I see this is that this man is not being exclusive with you and you cannot trust him. He is flirting with someone at the same time as he is seeing you and my guess is that if he initiated this then he will be taking this woman out in his suit pretty soon. I think if it were me I would be distancing myself from him as you are never going to know where you stand with him and you are always going to be wondering about this woman, and then any other woman in the future.

What you did is not as bad as what he is doing. Okay you read his messages but you are not lying to him or flirting with others. You invaded his privacy but you now know what is going on so you can make an educated decision on what you must do.

Magicmatilda

It seems odd that the title is silly lies rather than boyfriend sexting another women. Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a guy who is pretending to be single with other women. I've done it and it didn't take long to find out that he was sleeping around. Why is he lying about his work shift? Does he want you to think he is in work when he is elsewhere.

I think you need to walk. To be honest. You can confront him but he will probably just lie. That is what he has done thus far. It's not easy but I'm 7 months on and my life is infinitely better. there are some great guys out there why waste time on one who clearly does not appreciate you.

indough

Lorna123 wrote: »

I don't know OP I don't think I would admit to reading his messages because he might get so angry that you won't get anything out of him and he will blame you for being too nosey and get out of it that way. He will feel so guilty and probably fob you off with saying that this is just a flirtation and nothing else, but you will never know for sure and I don't know if I could live with that. He will then try to make you feel guilty about reading his messages, as if two wrongs make a right.

The way I see this is that this man is not being exclusive with you and you cannot trust him. He is flirting with someone at the same time as he is seeing you and my guess is that if he initiated this then he will be taking this woman out in his suit pretty soon. I think if it were me I would be distancing myself from him as you are never going to know where you stand with him and you are always going to be wondering about this woman, and then any other woman in the future.

What you did is not as bad as what he is doing. Okay you read his messages but you are not lying to him or flirting with others. You invaded his privacy but you now know what is going on so you can make an educated decision on what you must do.

if you are suggesting that she say nothing and start distancing herself from him based on a text message then i'm sorry but that's bad advice. what would she have to lose in saying it to him if she'd be dumping him anyway?

Herrick

Jesus I wouldn't give two flying fcuks about letting him know you read the texts. Your boyfriend is texting and flirting with other women, he can't really open his mouth to be honest.

That aside, he obviously doesn't respect or value you at all. There is no excuse for that kind of carry on. I'd be getting rid.

curlzy

OP,

Not going to pull any punches here. You KNOW he's a liar. You KNOW he's flirting with other women. So you have a choice: a) walk away now with your dignity and self-respect intact or b) wait until he really f*cks you over and feel the humiliation of every one of your friends saying "I told you so" and you thinking back on it and knowing that you behaved like a doormat and an idiot that wouldn't face the truth.

Or, maybe have a talk with him about it, but if he's a liar then what's the point?

I wouldn't be worried about reading the texts. I save my guilt for actual wrong doings I've perpetrated, you haven't done anything wrong, you'd have been an idiot for not checking the rest of the texts after receiving that one.

Seriously girl, way way way way better men out there for you.

Lorna123

indough wrote: »

if you are suggesting that she say nothing and start distancing herself from him based on a text message then i'm sorry but that's bad advice. what would she have to lose in saying it to him if she'd be dumping him anyway?

She is not distancing herself based on a text, but based on lies and being unfaithful ! What's the point of admitting she looked at his texts, isn't it better to leave that out of the equation ? She now knows what he is like despite any explanation he might offer so why complicate the issue by admitting that she read his texts. All this would lead to is a song and a dance about the whole thing and unless she loves to argue then I would just walk away without any explanation. The least said the better in these kind of situations. I have learnt that from experience.

Elmidena

Your relationship has been rocky and he's lying about when he's in work when he's not. The texts could be harmless--for NOW--but good gods woman, wake up and smell the coffee. He has an affair in the making with flirting with some woman who he "works" with (and doesn't) and is in work (he isn't). Get out, and get someone worthy. This is a heartache bomb waiting to detonate the longer you let the fuse sizzle.

fallen01angel

sammy1012 wrote: »

Can you get over someone lying to you?

I recently caught my bf in a web of lies. Stupid little lies I thought (like over the prices of things and what shift he was on in work, really silly things) however I was playing around with his iphone and a message came through from some girl. I know most of his friends and didn't recognise the name.


I just don't know what to do. My heart loves him but my head is screaming end it. And the fact I was in the wrong by reading his messages I feel more awful. All my friends are telling me to end it, that you can't trust a liar but I feel just as bad because I've abused his trust by reading his messages

Hi OP.Your friend are 10000% right in this case.Your boyfriend is basically flirting with another woman while going out with you....no matter how the relationship is going this is never ever acceptable-personally I'd be out the door in a shot.As for you "abusing his trust"...you didn't deliberately snoop through his messages you came across it by chance-big difference.

You asked the question at the begining of your post-Can you get over someone lying to you? The only person who can answer that question for you is you,what will be going through your head ever time his phone beeps with a text,what will you be wondering ever time he goes on a night out without you.Are you willing to put up with those kind of doubts OP?

nowyouresix

Get Rid....simple as....

Dark Phoenix

Op I wouldnt consider texting, flirting with and suggesting to meet another woman as 'silly lies' pretty damn serious to me.
Especially because he has also lied about who she is and where he knows her from. I;d be even more concerned that he started texting her first