Post being still sent to House after over 25 years

LegacyUser

Hi, this is really annoying me and getting to my dad.

We live in the house my mother grew up. But after over 25 years of her sisters getting married and moving out, we are still getting post addressed to them, in a variety of surnames in their maiden names, in their married names, in their married-maiden names and also addressed with their maiden names and their husbands names.

We have endlessly told them to change their addresses, but their has been no stop to it. There is probably just as much coming to the house than over 25 years ago. All of them seem very official and there has never been any what looks like junk mail.

Could this be part of some sort of scam or means of making sure they get some entitlements in the future?, i.e. when the grandmother passes away. We know my mother is covering up something for them and always ending up being forced into giving them financial help even though we are just as bad as them as some sort of punishment. See my mothers family are very religious, and before my mam and dad got married they had a child - which was completely frowned upon and my mother and father, even myself and bothers have always been looked down upon and made feel like complete crap.

Like for example I remember having to carry a big bucket of coal when I was just about 4 for my granny, whilst my older cousins looked at me and ate sweets and my aunties laughed and made a joke of me.

Is there anyway I could contact someone/organisation that could look into these mysterious letters? and see what is actually going on? I'm really worried.

Any help anyone offers - I greatly appreciate.

Daisy M

Contact An phoist or write "return to sender wrong address" on the envelopes and post back. If its still your parents/grandmothers house I dont think it is your place to intefere.

ibarelycare

If they won't go to the effort of changing their addresses, just start marking the envelope "No longer at this address" and stick it back in the post. Whatever organisation is sending them post will get in touch with them for their current address.

pickarooney

Your (forum) post is a bit all over the place. What is the core issue here - that your sisters keep getting post addressed to their old address? Do they at least come and pick it up or are you expected to forward it on?

The contents of the letters are frankly none of your business.

On the subject of the inheritance I can't see how getting letters at a particular address would have any bearing but I would imagine that your mother's sisters would have every right to expect their share of the inheritance regardless.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't know if your mother is covering something up or not, but usually a 4 year olds memory mightn't be exactly what happened.

They might have thought it funny to get you to carry the bucket. Not to look down on you or laugh at you or make you "earn your keep" but simply because it was funny!

If it really bothers you, you could write "return to sender" on the envelopes with a note that the address is incorrect....


Edit: did your parents buy the family home, or are you living there because of your grandmother's goodwill?

Inheritance is a sticky issue in families, because adults are not actually "entitled" to anything. So while you and your family may think you are "entitled" to the family home. Your grandmother may not have made that provision in her will.

I'm guessing you don't know a lot of what is going on in the background with your mother and her family.... And honestly, whatever it is... Might be nothing like you are imagining.

convert

You could write 'not/no longer at this address. Return to sender' on the envelopes and pop them back into the post. I've done that lots of times when in rented accommodation.

If you feel your mother is covering up something, talk to her and ask her what's going on. Explain to her you're not comfortable with other family members' post still coming to the house and that you're going to start returing the post to the sender and that you're just letting her know the story.

Families are very complicated, fractious and often very difficult. It's in all families, no matter how 'perfect' they may seem on the outside.

P. Breathnach

OP, I gather this is your grandmother's house.

If she is content for your aunts to use it as a postal address, then you have no standing in the matter.

LegacyUser

pickarooney wrote: »

Your (forum) post is a bit all over the place. What is the core issue here - that your sisters keep getting post addressed to their old address? Do they at least come and pick it up or are you expected to forward it on?

The contents of the letters are frankly none of your business.

On the subject of the inheritance I can't see how getting letters at a particular address would have any bearing but I would imagine that your mother's sisters would have every right to expect their share of the inheritance regardless.

Pickarooney, the issue is that they don't live here anymore! and haven't lived here in over 25 years!!!! We have repeatedly told them to change address and to no effect. Sorry to have not made it clearer - it is more or less my/our business when its sent to our address, and especially with their husbands names - who have never lived here! They obviously have went to the bother of putting their husbands and married names on their affairs but have failed to give their new addresses. And with respect to inheritance - they have got their fair share out of the place through land and getting their houses built for them. The house is my mothers!!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I don't know if your mother is covering something up or not, but usually a 4 year olds memory mightn't be exactly what happened.

They might have thought it funny to get you to carry the bucket. Not to look down on you or laugh at you, but because it was funny!

Oh come on! That was just an example.

P. Breathnach

FamilyIssue wrote: »

... The house is my mothers!!...

Okay, assuming that it has actually been transferred to her, I withdraw my previous remark.

The solutions suggested here (effectively refusing delivery of their post at your home) are available to your mother. You should not implement them unless your mother says so.

Ickle Magoo

Who owns the house?

Who is entitled to use that address as their contact address is up to the person that owns the house...and it's up to whomever owns the house to return mail they do not want sent to their house/inform whomever is getting it sent there to update their address.

If the home-owner does not want your aunties/uncles sending mail to the house, they can score out the address and write "No longer at this address - return to sender" on the unopened envelope and re-post them.

It's really up to the home owner tho - and while I appreciate you are worried; your mother caving into pressure from her family is her choice as an adult to make - just as standing up to them and saying no would be...I think you really aught to discuss all your worries/concerns/annoyances with your parents because much of your post seems to be based on supposition.

All the best.

Big Bag of Chips

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

much of your post seems to be based on supposition.

+ 1

The coal bucket example, was used by you in the context of how you feel your aunts and cousins look down on you. I merely commented that that may not entirely be the case.

Nobody here knows your family dynamics. And being perfectly honest, it seems you're not too sure of what is going on either. You can speak to your mother, but you may not be given the entire truth. You can speak to your grandmother, but she may also not give you much information as alot of it would be no business of yours (like whether or not she gifted land to her children, or whether they pay/paid mortgages - whether she has already signed the house over to your mother, or whether she intends to leave it to her in a will etc)

So your option is to write "not living at this address" on the envelopes and return them... but if you do it without the say so of your mother/grandmother, you might be told to keep your nose out.

I doubt it's some big conspiracy by your aunts to claim the house.. there are better, more legally effective ways for them to do that than having post delivered!

boomtown123

Hey OP, Ignore the blasé responses you've already had. If you are seriously worried about it which you seem, go see your solicitor or consult a free legal aid solicitor, it might point you in the right direction -as to who you should talk to or they may be able to shed some light on the big can of worms you think there maybe under the cover. i presume you have sent sme of them back and to no effect as you say

There is probably just as much coming to the house than over 25 years ago.

You are obviously worried about it as your father is. My boyfriend is working in welfare in the UK and to him this sounds dodgy - fair enough the sisters having just their names on the post, but their husbands names??? Who have never lived there. Why go to the bother of putting their husbands names and not changing their addresses. Go talk to someone - who perhaps will be able to do a background check. This has gone on too long.

OK, so some boardsies might not see this as your place to step in - it is your parents it is effecting and it could end up effecting them in the future! So you have every right to step in!!! I really don't think people are getting the picture. PM me and I might be able to put you in touch with a few contacts.

As for your your grandmother and aunties -they seem too be very much on the old catholic regime. I would be very careful of them and be careful of them in how they may be treating your mother behind it all (as I sure you are). I pitty you, as I already know so so so many marriages that have ended up living with their parents, which has in turn created mountains of stress and strain on the marriage. My advice not just to you OP is never live in too close of a proximity to relations. Spells trouble. Say it to you granny and aunties - what you think of her- spell it out loud and clear to her that your not going to be dominated by them.

Good Luck and All the Best.:)

Big Bag of Chips

Is it a case of the aunties live close? (You say about your grandmother giving land etc..?) So the addresses might be the same... or not enough of a difference to make them bother changing it?

Can you ask the postman to give them their own post, and not leave it at your house (regardless of the address)? If it's a rural area he'll no doubt know you all.

LegacyUser

We have, including my mother sent the letters back with "return to sender" and "no longer living here", but thanks for the advice but special thanks to boomtown123 who seem to really get my issue.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Is it a case of the aunties live close? (You say about your grandmother giving land etc..?) So the addresses might be the same... or not enough of a difference to make them bother changing it?

Can you ask the postman to give them their own post, and not leave it at your house (regardless of the address)? If it's a rural area he'll no doubt know you all.

No they both live a good half an hour away near their husbands parents - on their land - sure they sold whatever land they got off by mother during the boom!

No one completely understands what's going on including myself and my father. Its very frustrating as my mother won't let on either, only she says she's making up for the trouble she caused before she got married, yet when the financial strain becomes apparent she takes it out on myself and my dad.

Rant over. Many thanks to boomtown123 for reading between the lines!

Maple

Boomtown, please do not ask that the OP send you private messages, this is against the charter of this forum. Please review before posting again.

Failure to comply with the established posting rules will result in a ban from this forum.

Maple

LegacyUser

Maybe there was some pact made by your mother regarding her entitlements in order to 'atone' for her sin of having a child out of wedlock, and she might still be beholden to the rest of the family. While I understand you being puzzled and concerned, she does seem to hold the key as to what's going on and is up to her to choose to tell you...or not. Although, if you father is equally in the dark, that's not a great situation as it's not good to hold secrets within marriage as it can cause distrust. For now, though it seems it's your mother's wishes for you not to know and you should probably respect that until such a time she chooses to tell you what's going on.

AnonoBoy

Do they call round and collect the post?

Does your mother keep it for them?

If it's important stuff and you start sending it back marked 'no longer resident at this address' then they'll change the address pretty sharpish I'd say.

What is your mother's view on this?

LegacyUser

They are using your home address for a reason. Your mother is covering up for them.
I would tell your mother and father they are using your address as a possible way to get credit ie credit cards loans. They could also be using your address to claim welfare.
I would tell your mother that she may be leaving herself open to problems by them using your home address.
Your father and mother should tell the family they will not be taking in there post any more.
If you continue to get there post after this I would open it and tell them I though this was for me. If they know you have seen there post they will stop this.

I would send a letter to the the tax office and the department of social welfare and inform them that this person ( name) does not live at this address and has not lived here for 25 years.