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Not Making Sense

  • 17-06-2012 8:40pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    Was dating a guy for a couple of months about 8 months ago, both late 20s. He seemed really into me, attentive, affectionate etc. I liked him but there were certain reg flags in the relationship, like he rarely asked me stuff about myself, just regular how was your day stuff but nothing more which I found a little odd at the time. As it was early days I decided to just give it time and see how things progressed as like I said he seemed like a decent guy.

    I got really stressed due to big work project so didn't get to see him for over a week. he said he was fine with this but I got the sense that he was annoyed. Didn't hear from him for a few days which was unusual.

    Anyone work project was done and I sent him a really happy text saying project over and was looking forward to getting my life back etc. He response was to dump me saying he didn't see things going anywhere, end of story.Total shock didn't see that coming at all and was completely reeling.

    To get to the point this was 8 months ago. Like I said there were red flags in the relationship but for some reason this break up has knocked me for six. I find myself thinking about him constantly though part of me knows maybe this was for the best and I have dodged a bullet down the line but there is a part that can't seem to move on.

    I have done all the keep busy etc, am dating etc but he is never far from my thoughts and I don't understand why. I go through periods where I think I have finally moved on and then I find myself back at square one. I have had much longer term relationships break down and while that was hard I did move on. I just feel that something so short shouldn't be impacting me so much. He moved on pretty much straight away and that too was hard to stomach so maybe its the realisation that he didn't really care for me that much.

    Can anyone help me out on this one please? Any advice welcome harsh or not! Am sorry I know there are people here who have broken up from much longer term relationships/marriages etc...


Comments

  • #2
    nlk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 46 ✭nlk


    Hi OP

    I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about how quickly you should get over things so don't be too hard on yourself. Having said this you obviously want to move on and be happy.

    It sounds like it is the rejection, rather than the actual person that is bothering you. Try not to internalise his decision that you weren't right for him. From what you have said you can recognise that he wasn't right for you either.

    Bottom line is that you aren't what he is looking for but that has no correlation to your value as a person. Often times the hurt that comes from rejection is because of what we think of ourselves. We project our own feelings about our worth onto the other person. So if I feel fantastic about myself and someone rejects me I might think 'Their loss' but if I feel bad about myself then I might take the rejection as a confirmation that I'm not worthy.

    I would suggest that you should talk to someone professionally to get to the route of why you can't let go. I'm no psychologist but I would bet it has far more to do with you and what you feel about yourself than with him and how great he is.

    Also try being kind to yourself. If you find yourself thinking about him, kick those thoughts out of your head and think about you and all the great things about you.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.


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