How do you feel about people asking about your exam results?

Telly welly

A good few people have asked me the following questions 'have you got your exam results yet' or 'when are your exam results out' and when i get them how did you do did you pass? I don't mind my family asking me these questions because obviously they really care about me and how I get on but what bothers me is whem people ask who I know in my heart don't give a **** about me and couldn't give a rats ass if I failed. Maybe Im being cynical but some times I get the feeling that certain people only want to know to see if your doing better than them and would prefer to see you fail. I feel some people are so nosey and should mind there own business if I want to tell you I will. If i don't then don't bother asking.Maybe im overreacting or looking into this to much but I just have noticed an increase in the number of people asking me these questions.Some of the people asking me these type of questions are not even in college and others are not even on my course. Im just curious to get other peoples opinions on this maybe Im just sensitive about this.Sometimes I just can't help but feel annoyed when people ask me these type of questions.Anything I do I do it for me not to impress other people so there rant over!

Herrick

Funnily enough it annoys me a little too.

But to be honest I think it's just a way of making conversation for most.

lightningbug

I never ask someone what grade they got. I ask if they are happy

kelle

lightningbug wrote: »

I never ask someone what grade they got. I ask if they are happy

+1, and only if you bump into them on the street!

When I got the results of my Leaving cert, I was unhappy as I was a grade too low in one subject to get onto the course I wanted. The phone never stopped ringing all day, I had to answer all calls as my parents were away and there was no caller ID then! It was torture, and when I look back it was none of their business. A lot of these people were not even relations or had children in my year.

From OP

Maybe Im being cynical but some times I get the feeling that certain people only want to know to see if your doing better than them and would prefer to see you fail. I feel some people are so nosey and should mind there own business if I want to tell you I will. If i don't then don't bother asking.Maybe im overreacting or looking into this to much but I just have noticed an increase in the number of people asking me these questions.Some of the people asking me these type of questions are not even in college and others are not even on my course.

That is EXACTLY how I felt, and still feel about these people! I don't think you're overreacting. It taught me to have a different approach towards those who get exam results.

The happy ending is that I repeated my Leaving Cert, got the grades I needed and did my course in London. I have been working for 19 years in a job related to my course, and while it's had it's ups and downs throughout the years I absolutely love it!

LegacyUser

You said it yourself. Some people are just plain nosey.

My mum developed a degenerative illness at a young age. I used to be pestered by people in the town where we lived, asking how she was. People who had hardly if ever spoken to us before in our lives. It used to annoy the hell out of me because I was struggling to come to terms with my mum's illness and found it hard enough to talk to my own family about it. Let alone nosey parkers fishing for information.

Now I never ask any young person about their exams. If they want to tell me themselves, that's great. If they don't, I respect that. That's the way it should be as far as I'm concerned.

Telly welly

So Im not the only one who feels this way . I see that some of you say only if you see them and they look happy fair enough.I actually have people texting me and facebooking me to find out.I wouldn't mind there not even out yet.I would be perfectly happy just enjoying the summer and not thinking about them untill there out!.However nosey people make sure they constantly remind you.Its like they feel they have a right to know and they don't. It this kind of bull**** that makes exams stressful! I know a solution is to tell them to mind their own business and make them feel as uncomfortable as their making you feel. Matter of fact people shouldn't have to do this. I feel that exam results are private information that should only be disclosed if the individual feels like it!:p

LegacyUser

I agree with Herrick - while it is annoying to have to tell different people the same thing over and over, I think there will only be the odd one who is being nosy for the sake of it - most people, if they know you have done exams, will just use it as a topic of conversation with you. They may even be actually interested, and hope you've done well for yourself! I wouldn't take it too much to heart. A smile, and "yeah, I pretty much got what I hoped for" or even " well, not as well as I'd hoped in some subjects, but sure I know where I need to work harder now" will hopefully shut most of them up. If they look for exact grades, something like " ah look, it's over now anyway, I just want to concentrate on the holidays/getting a job/heading off for a year now" should hopefully let even the most persistant know that you're politely telling them that it's none of their business

Neyite

I never told anyone my results. When asked how I did, I just replied that I was happy with my result, or that I got the marks I needed for the course I wanted. If they press you for actual grades, just reply "thats a very personal question, isnt it?"

This is one of my biggest gripes with exam times. That and when people decimate the questions after and compare what answers they got. When this happens, I usually ostracize myself for about an hour or so after exams and wait until they've all finished before returning.

I really think it's somewhat impolite to ask what somebody got.

Turtwig

I don't think I've ever disagreed with the consensus on these threads until now. So hopefully I'm either (a) about to realise a big misconception of mine or (b) actually post something insightful or useful on boards.

The way I see it is that you should be as open as possible about your exam results. By that I mean talk to everyone, not necessarily about your grades but how you feel about them. I think it's a fair assumption to make that if you're delighted with your results you're going to be modest about it anyway and not really feel inclined to talk about them. However if for whatever reason the results didn't meet your expectations or worse confounded your worst realisation of reality then you need to talk about them. Bottling them up just isn't the thing to do. Now I know, you're probably wondering why the heck you should open up to people who's actual interest in your well-being you suspect. But I like to put this in two ways, the first is that only a slight percentage of people will actually want to you to feel bad. The second is that if they're never ever going to get involved in your life then you might as well gain some use off them. Why worry what they'll think of you if that's all they're ever going to do for you? Think of, judge you? Let your stress or anxiety go, don't bottle it for fear of what they might think of you later or what they might say to others. Just tell them the truth. If they're as cynical as you think they are they probably won't believe you're being honest anyway. Never ever bottle something up. Exam results are, if you pardon the old cliche, not really that important. They're not a measure of you qualities as a person, nor are they proof either way that you're better or worse than someone else at something you got a higher/lower grade than that someone else in. If you can learn to talk openly about them then you'll actually find coping with exam and results situations to be a heck of a lot easier. Really, I know you might not feel it now but exams aren't that a big a deal and if you talk about them openly they'll feel that way for you too.
Also, remember that some people you think the worst of might actually think the best of you.

Least, that's the way I see it.

I'm always getting asked about my exam results; my exam sessions are twice a year and results take about 10-12 weeks to come out so it's a bit neverending. Most people do it out of concern or making conversation. There's nobody I've ever been asked by who I reckon was just trying to be nosey.
I also agree with jernal that it's good to let it out if you're feeling down about them. Reactions can surprise you. From support to even good suggestions or reminders that it's ok, they're not the most important thing in the world.

Telly welly

Jernal I take your point about exam results not being the most important thing in the world and the fact that people shouldn't be stressed or anxious to reveal them no matter how good or bad they are.I also agree its not good to bottle things up. However I don't agree you should share your problems with everyone,after all there is an old saying that goes 'be careful who you open up to because only a few care and the rest are just curious' Believe me there is no better person than myself to face people and the world when things don't go my way.I would have no gripes with saying they went bad or I failed if that was the case.What I do have a problem with is people quizing you about them like they have some sort of right to know when they don't. I just feel its none of their business and I feel that I don't have to answer to anybody but myself! Thats my opinion:)

I don't think anyone's overly concerned about other people's personal results. I got my results on Friday, and the first thing I did was ring my two best friends in the class to let them know the results were on the notice board. One of them asked me to tell him what he got. We congratulated each other. The other said she wanted to look for herself, and then once she did we met up and we congratulated each other. So we all knew each other's marks. Then we looked through the rest of the results to see where we stood in the class. Walking out of the college most of the people we passed asked how we did, we asked the same of them, more congrats ensued. It wasn't nosy, it wasn't mean, it wasn't meant to be at all intrusive. It's the same way I'd ask customers in work if they saw the match: I don't care whether or not they saw the match, I'm just trying to be friendly and show an interest.

To be honest OP I think you're being oversensitive - there's no ulterior motive involved.

Telly welly

True or false I think in your case is different you said your freinds asked you and you asked them and therefore youwhere happy to share.Thats understandable and I see nothing wrong with that.I would also share with close freinds also but im really refering to people who are not close freinds and people I woundn't talk to in a month of sundays and most of these people are not even on my course let alone in college.I don't know if you have experience this? Thats what I find anoying I understand when people get there results there is obviously gonna be people happy and chatting about the results fair enough

Salty

I don't mind as much anymore, as long as that person is an actual friend of mine and not someone I wouldn't talk to regularly. I don't tell people I'm not close to my results. It's different in college though, people are more relaxed about their grades I think, as the main thing for a lot of people is to pass and move on to the next year.

I had a serious problem with it in school though, especially with the Leaving Cert. I got a bit depressed in 6th year, and suffered from regular panic attacks, which all affected me profusely during the exams. I had the potential to do really well, but did terribly by my own standards. The day the results came out, I turned my phone off and deactivated my Facebook account as I couldn't stand the hype and wanted to avoid everyone. I'm glad I did as before I turned my phone off for the day, I'd gotten texts from a few people asking how I did and if I was happy which I couldn't reply to as I was in bits. Some of those people I'm not even friends with any more.

I wouldn't even ask someone if they're happy with how they did because if they're not, it could be hard for them to admit that they're not, and it's also difficult to lie. If they want to talk about their results, they'll tell you about them. I'd be more likely to say something along the lines of "at least the results are out, we can enjoy the summer now..." or whatever, as it's more neutral and leaves the other person with the chance to avoid talking about them, or to start a conversation about them. Within my closest friends, we're a lot more open and just talk about the grades no bothers. But with acquaintances or other class mates, I'm a lot more vague.

Obviously, this all stems from my own difficulty with the whole thing and I'm a lot more sensitive than the average student, I reckon. But that's just my take on it. Candid with my close friends and family, vague with everyone else!

echosound

I actually didn't realise people would be inclined to feel offended or upset about being asked about exams.

Obviously if you have been having difficulty or didn't get the results you wanted and were very down about it, I would get that it could upset a person to be asked about results...

However, even saying that - my own perspective would be that it is people remembering that you have recently done something that is the culmination of work and study that you have been giving a lot of your time to, and them being polite enough to enquire about it.

Whether it's the leaving cert, or college, or professional exams or whatever, people know that it's been something that has been consuming most of your time for the past however long you've been studying, and it's something that you probably care about, hence they'll ask to show an interest in what is presumably important to you.

I've had a good few people asking me how I got on over the past few weeks, and to be honest I'm delighted they took the time to mentally note the fact that I must be waiting on results at this stage (especially given I don't talk about it much so it could easily slip their minds), and that they care enough to enquire when they all have busy stressful lives themselves.

Even if it is just making conversation, how bad. It just shows that they are aware that you have had a big event and are mentioning it in passing.
I don't think people are fiercely interested in getting a breakdown of exact results of every single exam you've taken, just that they are hoping that you are happy with the outcome.

And if it is indeed the case that a person is upset about awful results etc, surely most people would be sympathetic and encouraging, no? Or even prove themselves useful and mention an alternative route that the person mightn't even be aware exists? (I've seen this happen a lot when people thought they had hit a brick wall, a random acquaintance would surprisingly put them onto a completely new idea which would get them where they wanted to go).

Anyhow, most people can take a hint if it's not something you want to talk about - if you pass it off and change topics with an "ah I got on ok, how's Mary getting on, is she still involved in X", well 99% of people will just go with it and not keep asking.

meoklmrk91

I find it a little crass, tbh, I have no problem telling people how I have done in my exams as long as they are a part of my life, but often times I feel like it's just a competition for people, they want to know if you did better than them, or their kids or who ever. I find it even more crass when people post such results on FB, I am in college and a lot of the peeps in my class did this, I just posted up that I had gotten my results and I was happy with them, I got a load of messages and texts asking how I did specifically, why does it matter exactly how I did? If I'm happy isn't that all that matters?