Advice

trixy

Hey just looking for some advice, my search is going in 8 yrs now. Got my non identifying info , done my own search, found wrong family , hired private detective, I believe he found correct date of birth and old family home (for sale no one living there for long time), I confirmed what detective told me in CRO , my non identifying info told me my BM father died year before I was born, I have checked death records of 10 yrs and no death registered, it's not a very common surname. My question is would the social workers give me date of death if I wrote to them, even though they closed my case? There is something very odd about my case, feeling I always had and dealing with the head social workers, detective was also in constant contact even when I paid him and all of a sudden no contact . I find it hard to explain but feel like they are hiding something they don't want me to find out about

Thanks all
Trixy

OneIdea

An "old family home" sounds like a country address? what are the possibilities that theres a local graveyard close by, that could yield some names and dates perhaps? A day trip could put your quest to rest.

trixy

Hi I saw house on line it's a housing estate and in a town , there is numerous graveyards around , I may take chance wiring to the social workers again with all the discrepancies I found. I've been given the run around for years with so many brick walls . The thought of going down that road again is terrible when they have your whole file in their hands and me having to be idling through gritted teeth so they will give me more info . Maybe some people don't want to be found and I have to accept that.
Thanks

OS119

trixy wrote: »

...Maybe some people don't want to be found and I have to accept that.

OP, from the way you've described i don't think thats your problem - the thing the stood out for me was the way you describe your, and your PD's, interaction with the Social Worker. the 'gut feeling' that somethings not right...

in my limited experience, you will be told explictly if your Birth Family aren't interested in being in contact with you - however, what you won't be told is if your Social Worker thinks the whole affair was 'a bit dodgy'. if you've got missing records, dodgy dates/information, then it sounds initially to me like it was an adoption that took place with a bit less openness and record keeping than was the norm.

if it were me i'd contact your PD, and just book half an hour with him to go over not just what he found, but what he didn't find - you're looking for his professional 'gut feeling' - if he's any good he'll have dealt with Adoption before and will know what a legitimate/correct adoption looks like, and therefore he will be able to tell you what yours looks like, and how it differs from the then 'best practice'. if you can work out how it differed, you may be able to infer why it differed - and that will give you a bit more information about who did it.

hope thats of use to you.

E2A: finding the family home is a God-send - your PD will be able to use the Land Registry to find out who owns it (the estate agent may even tell you), you can then use that information attempt to trace relatives of the owner or the owner themselves. any information you get you can then use to get even more information/cooperation out of the Social Worker.

trixy

Thank you so much, there is definitely something not adding up and appreciate your suggestion. The land registry us good idea so think that's my next port of call.........the search continues

Galway 11

Re your birth fathers death, I think would it be worth asking the parish priest in the area for information. A death has to be recorded somewhere. or would the General registers office in Dublin have any info? All adopted people have a birth certificate in their own name, (adoption rights alliance ireland for more info) I don't know if you got this from Dublin yet? Possible it might have his name on it and go from there.
Also the auctioneer would they be able to give you any info re the history of the house/ people if you asked some discreet questions??

trixy

Hey I couldn't find death cert ????? I write to agent selling house weeks ago no reply , no one will answer me in relation to this family at all which I find odd , obviously with each contact I never stated reason for search but I have been ignored from every area for some reason . I think after all these years I will give up, social workers , private detective , all these years of my own and family helping me , nothing .
Maybe I'm one of those people that will never know . I have put so much emotional , not to mention financial time into my search maybe I should never know .
I wish everyone in their search luck and hopefully one day she'll come looking for me x

The_Conductor

If there is a local postal sorting office- or any recently retired postmen in the area- perhaps they might be able to inadvertently shed some light on the matter? A local priest is going to be suspicious, regardless of what story you use to get them talking- a retired postman or someone who would have dealings in the community- is another matter altogether.

Come up with a plausible story- long lost family member who wants to get back in contact and was shocked to find the family home vacant- keep a grain of truth in it- just don't admit the full story.

I don't know enough of your story to suggest there is something suspicious or unusual- but I'd suggest trying to collate as much official documentation as possible- aka your original birthcert, look for birth siblings, look at the records of local schools for your siblings, if any are girls- the local church probably has copies of marriage certs if/when they occurred etc etc etc. Build up as big a picture of facts as possible- and use it as a template for filling in any other information as you confirm it (and you will have to confirm it- don't necessarily take anything at face value).

Postmen are helpful in my experience- but for crying out loud, make sure its not a cousin or uncle (or immediate family) before spinning a story- as you won't be able to hold it together. It may be helpful to get a friend or someone you trust, to make these type enquiries.

goat2

local post office, parish clerk, has the house been sold, is it old fashioned.
with the parish clerk if it is a small town, he will know relatives that exist in the area, drive in there and see if you can see anyone around that could have been there when the family resided there, you dont have to say who you are, just that you are related and was giving a surprise visit as you did not hear from them since you were young