Am I over reacting?

messrs

Hi Ladies

Just looking for your opinion to see if im over reacting here or would any of you be the same?

Im currently trying to loose weight and so far have lost just over 4 stone (im just over 12 stone now) ive been with my OH for over 5 years now and when we got together i was prob about 11 and a half stone but weight crept on over the years. Anyway he never commented to me when i had all the weight on or anything but now that ive lost it , when we see old pics of me when i was heavier, he makes comments like " look at the size of you there" or "you look really big in that pic" it does upset me and ive asked him not to make those comments but he doesnt understand why im getting upset and says " sure what does it matter, your not that size anymore" but it still gets to me, he thinks im stupid for getting upset over it.

Would anyone be like me and be upset by those comments or how would you react to them?

PhysiologyRocks

messrs wrote: »

Hi Ladies

Just looking for your opinion to see if im over reacting here or would any of you be the same?

Im currently trying to loose weight and so far have lost just over 4 stone (im just over 12 stone now) ive been with my OH for over 5 years now and when we got together i was prob about 11 and a half stone but weight crept on over the years. Anyway he never commented to me when i had all the weight on or anything but now that ive lost it , when we see old pics of me when i was heavier, he makes comments like " look at the size of you there" or "you look really big in that pic" it does upset me and ive asked him not to make those comments but he doesnt understand why im getting upset and says " sure what does it matter, your not that size anymore" but it still gets to me, he thinks im stupid for getting upset over it.

Would anyone be like me and be upset by those comments or how would you react to them?

It's completely understandable that you're upset. You should tell him again (assertively) that his comments upset you and ask him to stop. He's actually being really, really rude.

Well done on the weight loss, by the way.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from tLL.

Hey there OP,

This is the forum for asking advice re relationship issues.

All the best. :cool:

ThinkAboutIt

He's probably saying it meaning it more in the sense of compared to how good you look now..

Men and women think differently like that!

SheFiend

I think you are over reacting. He didn't say anything insulting about you. Sounds totally innocent to me. He probably can't understand why it upset you. I can't.

Maybe it drags up feelings of insecurity for you?

LegacyUser

I hear ya! At one stage in my life I was about 4 stone overweight. I had an uncle who would pass smartarsed comments about my physique. Jokey comments that he thought were hilarious. Me? I was split 50:50 between wanting to run away and hide out of shame or to punch him on the nose

The only advice I can give you is for you to sit your OH down and explain to him just how much his comments hurt you. I think unless he has been overweight himself, he won't understand how self-conscious a person can be about this issue. Good luck!

PS Well done on losing that weight. I hope you keep it off xx

stripysocks85

He's probably trying to reassure you/congratulate you about how good you look now and how well you've done. 4 stone is no easy feat & why shouldn't he think you look better now? You're over reacting. Be happy and proud of how well you've done

coco_lola

As a woman who has a lot of male friends, I can see both sides of the situation. You are obviously upset that he is referencing your weight now and it makes you feel insecure about it, and I definitely think first of all that you should say this to him.

Which leads me to my second point - he most likely doesn't even know that this upsets you, or could anticipate that it might. Most of my male friends tend to be very black and white - the fact that he never mentioned your weight before, and is only mentioning it now, leads me to think that he is probably doing this to highlight how great you look right now.

It doesn't mean he thought you were hideous before, I think maybe this might be his (albeit roundabout) way of showing you how far you've come. Probably would have been better if he just banged on about how great you look now

I would just say it to him. He probably doesn't even realise. That's my two cents anyway.

And a really big congrats on the weight loss, that's really great

Pa Dee

messrs wrote: »

Hi Ladies

Just looking for your opinion to see if im over reacting here or would any of you be the same?

Im currently trying to loose weight and so far have lost just over 4 stone (im just over 12 stone now) ive been with my OH for over 5 years now and when we got together i was prob about 11 and a half stone but weight crept on over the years. Anyway he never commented to me when i had all the weight on or anything but now that ive lost it , when we see old pics of me when i was heavier, he makes comments like " look at the size of you there" or "you look really big in that pic" it does upset me and ive asked him not to make those comments but he doesnt understand why im getting upset and says " sure what does it matter, your not that size anymore" but it still gets to me, he thinks im stupid for getting upset over it.

Would anyone be like me and be upset by those comments or how would you react to them?

He is actually complementing you - In his own way admittedly but still there is no need for you being over sensitive considering how far you have come

Big Bag of Chips

He is just comparing the size you were then, to the size you are now.

You obviously felt you needed to lose the weight, which is why you've lost 4 stone. It is an amazing achievement.

He clearly loves you, and never was bothered by your weight before. But now that you've lost so much weight it is obvious when looking at old pictures how different you are now.

Don't be too sensitive about it. You WERE big. You were unhappy about it. You changed.

You should be proud, as your bf is.