what should i do stay or break up

LegacyUser

hi guys im so confused lately , my bf told me few months ago he cheated on me with his ex who he knew i hated , he said he did it because he was unsure of the relationship etc... like a fool i forgave him , he also has gotten very clingy wont let me out to see my friends and is at my place 24/7. I feel very suffocated and annoyed , i never get any freedom and i feel like i did love him but not like i used to before , he's away on a holiday , so last night i went out with my friends the first time in 3 months! im only 21 like , but i kissed another guy , I feel so confused.

my bf is home monday , but i enjoyed kissing someone else being free etc, i miss how i used to be before he came along. I ve been in a relationship since Im 17 , It sounds terrible but when we broke up when I found out he cheated he was suicidal , blackmailed me to get back with him and stuff, I dont want to loose him as he is my best friend but I really don't love him or feel i have to be loyal to him anymore.

Im actually thinking of packing up and going on a whv to oz , I feel so controlled , he's a nice guy and would of been my soulmate had he not cheated.

P. Breathnach

You broke up with him because he cheated: that's allowed. Some people would go so far as to say that is the best thing to do.

You got got back with him because he blackmailed you into it: big mistake. If you ever get back with somebody, it has to be on the basis that you want to.

He is not allowing you the freedom you want: unacceptable.

You get a little bit of freedom and enjoyed it: good.

You kissed another guy and enjoyed it: big red flag!

You want to go to Oz: fine, if it is because the experience appeals to you; terrible if it is just a way of escaping from your boyfriend.

Adding up all the bits: I don't see that your relationship has much of a future.

Piliger

It doesn't look good OP. It seems your emotions are really all over he place.
You say he would have been your soul mate yet also say he is clingy, you are suffocated, annoyed etc.
He cheated and that is not a good thing to happen so early in a relationship. You were generous to forgive him. I personally don't see forgiveness as a stupid or bad thing. But clearly the relationship was doomed anyway. Your kissing other guys back tells you everything you need to know in order to make a final decision imho.

Best of luck.

2rkehij30qtza5

I think you know the answer to this already! You enjoyed the freedom of kissing someone else. And from the looks of things your relationship seems very strained. If I were in your shoes I would personally walk away from a relationship that doesn't seem to be doing either of you any good!

Stavro Mueller

What would worry me is his behaviour. The way he blackmailed you into going out with him again, the clingyness, the not letting you see your friends. These are all symptoms of what can become an emotionally abusive relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi , op here thanks for the replies , I just find it difficult to understand and I feel guilty for what I did but everything happens for a reason . I forgot to add that the day before he told me he cheated that he kept trying to break up with me saying he needed space , and wanted to be single etc... I feel so foolish and stupid looking back on everything , in all he has been my best friend but I just cant deal with whats happened and I feel crap when I think about it . He always emotionally blackmails me to get back with him by saying he will take an overdose ,and bad stuff .

I want to go to oz to experience a new life and to have fun ,but to get away from here my family adore him and even if I break up with him they let him into the house so he can talk to me . I feel rotten for saying this but I want to move on and forget the last 4 years

nowyouresix

In your situation I'd pack up and go. No need for all this drama, and aswell you're too young to tie yourself down.
Best of luck !

Stavro Mueller

It sounds like you're three-quarters of the way towards breaking up with him. It's making the final cut that's the hard bit for you. Your instincts are telling you that the current situation is all wrong.

You don't sound like you're all that happy with him. Why would you be? He sounds like he is controlling you. He controls you by blackmail, threatening suicide etc. He won't let you out of his sight for fear that you'll do something he can't control. That could well explain why he doesn't want you to see your friends. He has your family convinced that he's a lovely lad. I bet they don't know the half of it.

The friend that you were with when you kissed this lad. Is she someone you can turn to for help on this? Because really, this relationship is on its uppers. It's better to put it out of its misery for once and for all. Don't let him guilt you into getting back with him. It's worth googling How to Break Up With Someone Who Is Threatening Suicide

P. Breathnach

what would you do? in my situation wrote: »

Hi , op here thanks for the replies , I just find it difficult to understand and I feel guilty for what I did but everything happens for a reason .

I can understand why you might feel some guilt but, given your overall circumstances, I think you should be quick to forgive yourself. Take note of your own opinion that everything happens for a reason. I'd think the reason here is that you are not fundamentally committed to your boyfriend.

I forgot to add that the day before he told me he cheated that he kept trying to break up with me saying he needed space , and wanted to be single etc...

It's a pity he didn't follow through on it!

I feel so foolish and stupid looking back on everything ,

Don't blame yourself. It often happens when people are being badly treated in a relationship they are overwhelmed, and are unable to see the situation for what it is. The lucky ones come to see what is happening, and the luckiest ones are able to deal with it. You now see what is happening, and you should take the extra step of dealing with it.

in all he has been my best friend

Are you sure about that?

but I just cant deal with whats happened and I feel crap when I think about it . He always emotionally blackmails me to get back with him by saying he will take an overdose ,and bad stuff .

That's not how a best friend would treat you. Or any decent human being.

I want to go to oz to experience a new life and to have fun ,but to get away from here

You are not saying clearly that you want the Australian experience for its own sake. That's the second time you have put it in the same sentence as the idea of escape. I'm not suggesting that you should not try Australia, but I'd like you to be able to sort the boyfriend problem without feeling that you need to move far away as part of the solution.

my family adore him and even if I break up with him they let him into the house so he can talk to me .

Not good. Do they know how much he oppresses you? I suspect that you don't find confrontation easy, but you need to tell them that if you don't want to see him, they owe it to you to respect your wishes.

I feel rotten for saying this but I want to move on and forget the last 4 years

It's okay to feel rotten about a long relationship not working out. But there is no reason for you to feel guilty. He has treated you badly; you have eventually come to the realisation that you were trapped in a bad situation, and now you want out.

Take your freedom back and enjoy it.

I am a friend

Op relationships are meant to be fun not hassle... You are so young - dont let this type of relationship become the blueprint for your future relationships. Have the courage to move on. He cheated, you cheated - what is there left to say?

Piliger

"I am a friend" completely summed it all up OP.