An ex, confused situation

LegacyUser

First of all apologies for the long post.

My Ex and I broke up over the Christmas, she got promoted and wanted to move and settle over in the UK , but due to my own job and life here I didn't want to move. We where arguing and fighting quite a bit anyway so we decided to end our 4 year relationship.
We are both in our early 20's.

After long many arguments and discussions we decided that our 2 year son would move to the UK with her. She travels back and forth quite a lot so I get to see my son most weekends etc. Every time shes over here he comes and stays with me .She stays with her mother.
I've only seen her once since Xmas, she usually gets her sister or mother to drop our son over to mine or else I collect him when shes not around.
We speak on the phone but it's only ever related to our son.

Got a call from her yday on my way home from work to ask me would I mind picking her and my son from the airport.
Her mother and sister where down at a wedding and are unable to make it back till the Saturday.
I picked them up and when she got into my car she realized she had no key to get into her mothers house.
So I offered her back to our old place (currently my own place) while our son had something to eat and until she decided what she was going to do.

After an hr , we where chatting, joking, and enjoying playing with our son together. It felt good.
We ordered food , and I opened a bottle of wine for her and got myself a few beers for the match.
I was putting my son to bed and offered her to stay over and told her I would kip on the couch and she could have my bed. At this stage I taught of the situation as me been just a Friend.

After many classes of wine and many beers, we got chatting about the old times and next thing I knew we where cuddling (we didn't kiss). I wouldn't have said we where drunk just a lil tipsy.
It was bed time and she was like don't be silly sleeping down here you will be freezing just sleep in the bed beside me, and jokinling said "but don't think your getting your ride".
I laughed it off and got into bed with her, I got this warmth feeling when she was next to me so leaned in to cuddle her, she cuddled back, and she fell asleep in my arms.

So after all that, I wake up this morning with my head all over the place a lot of this are on my mind, not knowing what I want or how I am feeling about the situation or how she is feeling.

She was still asleep when I left for work this morn, thank god cause I really don't know what to do or say.
Part of me like "is this a sign to give the relationship another go" and another part of me is like "do I really want to go back there again" or "did the drink have a big part to play"
When we split I was hurt but also got over it pretty quickly, I'm enjoying single life, and I'm happy, I'm enjoying having more time with the lads, and I'm kind of seeing someone else - it's nothing serious just had a few dates.
She was ok with the split to, our main concern when the relationship ended was our son.

I don't no wether she will just wake up and forget about this or wether she will want to talk it out to.

I really don't know how I'm feeling, was it the heat of the moment ....
Any one been in a similar sistuation or have any idea what I'm to do here ?

Thank

Beruthiel

confused909 wrote: »

any idea what I'm to do here ?

What do you want to do?

Taltos

OP - you also need to consider the effect this may have long term on your child.
You broke up for a reason. Has that reason changed or is the situation now such that that reason is no longer important?

Whatever you decide here - don't rush into it - and sorry for hassling you but keep in mind the potential fallout could have on your kid in the longer term.

Back to reply above - what do you want to do here?....

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

OP - you also need to consider the effect this may have long term on your child.
You broke up for a reason. Has that reason changed or is the situation now such that that reason is no longer important?

Whatever you decide here - don't rush into it - and sorry for hassling you but keep in mind the potential fallout could have on your kid in the longer term.

Back to reply above - what do you want to do here?....

My son is my main priority. A big part of me wants him to be with us both all the time like most families, I hate all this travlling back and forward. We both know it's not fair on him and in the future a more settled arranged is going to have to be made. I think that's where all the arguments come into it.
She tells me that the Uk is not long term that she will move back home in the future, but when is the future.....

The main reason was that she was putting her job before our family, the constant fighting just made us both want out.

I honestly don't know what I want. That's why I came her for advice and opinions, tought it would make things a little clearer for me.
I had strong feelings for her last night and it brought back a lot of good memories and made me realize that I still love her, and could potentianly want to get back with her again.
But on the other hand i'm thinking was it just the heat of the moment, would I be happy going back down the road again, what way would the relationship work with her spending most of her week in the uk. Plus the fact that I havn't got the slighest Idea what she's thinking, or feeling or if she even feels anything after last night.

P. Breathnach

confused909 wrote: »

... Plus the fact that I havn't got the slighest Idea what she's thinking, or feeling or if she even feels anything after last night.

You lived with her for four years; you have a child and a shared interest in the child's well-being; she was prepared to share a bed with you, but relaxed enough to say in a joking manner that you were not getting a ride (I wonder what would have happened if you tried).

Has it crossed your mind that she contrived this encounter? I am sure that there were other people she could have asked for a lift, and as for not having a key...

You should be able to talk to her about this.

Ickle Magoo

I think there is little point in tying yourself in knots over what-ifs and maybes until you know if she would be interested in coming to the negotiating table...and I say negotiating table because there are always issues and problems and mis-matches that cause relationships to break down and until they are resolved, you will just encounter the same problems.

So, while you are considering that you may be open to reconciliation that would really depend on whether A) she is interested in same and your relationship dynamic can change sufficiently in order to be successful at the second attempt. Until you know A) there's not much to be gained from worrying about B. If it turns out she is interested, then you really need to tackle B before attempting a relationship.

All the best, OP.

blatantrereg

I reckon you'd need to be willing to move to have a succesful relationship with her.

username123

Because of the fact that you have a son together I think that whatever you do, you need to set boundaries.

If you are going to be together, be together.

If you are going to be friends, dont share a bed and nighttime cuddles.

It just wont work otherwise. Your son will be confused if mammy sleeps in with daddy sometimes, but not others.

Whatever you do, stay consistent, both for your own sakes and your sons.

You SHOULD have stayed on the couch unless you want to restart the relationship. By not staying there, now you have a wrecked head today. You would also have a wrecked head if something had happened. But not if youd stayed on the couch.