I'm not sure what to and now he is so angry

laurenm94

Ok, I'm not really sure what to do here so here's the problem:

Due to a combonation of my exams and him going away, I haven't seen my boyfriend for two weeks. We were planning to meet on sunday and spend the whole day together. He then asked if I'd stay over on sunday night and I said I would but it depends if my therepy would be moved to monday morning or not as my therepist can't do my usual day.

A couple of days go by and we assume since my therepist hasnt called that she didn't manage to move it. Then I got a call yesterday saying that she would see me on monday morning. I told my bf that i wouldn't be staying over and now he is so angry with me, absolutely livid. He said he had stuff planned (but he won't tell me what) and now its all ruined.

The reason that I don't want to go to therepy from my bfs house is because it's not just for me but for my parents as well and it's really important to me that time we spend together before and after therepy.
I don't think my bf believes my reason or thinks it's good enough.
We were going to see eachother on monday as well, so we'd only be apart for the night and morning.

I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable or not, I understand that he is disappointed and wants to see me but I don't really know why he is fuming. Should I give in to him and stay over then meet my parents later?

advice? please?

I am a friend

He is being totally unreasonable and you need to stick to your guns. Sounds like the therapy is important to you and your family so you need to prioritise that. Is he domineering in other ways?

Ickle Magoo

Talk to him. Maybe the gap in seeing one another is triggering some insecurities and he just needs a bit of reassurance that you aren't avoiding spending time with him?

I don't know what kind of therapy you are referring to (and you don't have to share specifics) but as a general rule your mental health should come before anything and anyone - and I would consider anybody expecting you to do otherwise as completely unreasonable.

If he's spent a lot of time and effort making plans or feels he's somehow in competition for your time and now you've chosen to give it to someone else over him then he might feel hard done by but tbh, that's a really selfish and immature attitude when your partner has therapy or some kind of family therapy/mediation going on...but as I say, it could well be insecurity driving him to act irrationally which could be ironed out with an honest chat.

All the best, OP.

P. Breathnach

I think he is being unreasonable.

Perhaps it is an extreme manifestation of disappointment, and when he calms down he will see that he is wrong. If he doesn't, then I think you might need to review the relationship.

laurenm94

My therepy is extremely important and he knows that it is. He isn't suggesting that I miss it but that I just miss spending the time before with my family which I don't think he sees as an important part of it.

He has mentioned that he is sick of sharing me with other people and can't stand not seeing me so, Ickle Magoo, you're right with the idea that he might feel hard done by.

I am trying to talk to him about it but at the moment he isn't answering his phone...

Thank you for your opinions, it's given me a bit more confidence in sticking to my guns

Lauren
x

blatantrereg

The angry reaction sounds odd. Does he have trouble expressing himself?

Or did he tell you beforehand that he something big planned? Or has he repeatedly expressed the same point of view and feels like you are dismissive of him?

I've gone out with people who wouldn't say anything about things bothering them for ages, and then would explode.

laurenm94

He sometimes does have trouble expressing himself, he usually just goes really silent when he is mad. I haven't gotten a chance to properly speak to him, only getting angry txts now...

He told me that he had something planned and now its ruined after I had told him that I couldn't stay over. I feel really bad that his plan has gone wrong, whatever it was...

blatantrereg

laurenm94 wrote: »

He sometimes does have trouble expressing himself, he usually just goes really silent when he is mad. I haven't gotten a chance to properly speak to him, only getting angry txts now...

He told me that he had something planned and now its ruined after I had told him that I couldn't stay over. I feel really bad that his plan has gone wrong, whatever it was...

You've no reason to feel bad. You didn't know anything about it. It's wrong of him to make you feel bad.

coco_lola

laurenm94 wrote: »

He has mentioned that he is sick of sharing me with other people and can't stand not seeing me so, Ickle Magoo, you're right with the idea that he might feel hard done by.

I am trying to talk to him about it but at the moment he isn't answering his phone...

This is not healthy. A person should enhance the life you have, and add to it, not remove you from it. You are not his, he doesn't own you, so he shouldn't feel he has to "share" you. Your mental health, and your therapy, are very important, and the time spent with your family is important, even if you are not in therapy. I can understand why he would be upset/put out that after 2 weeks of not seeing each other you were unable to spend the night if he had something planned, but he should appreciate that your therapy is important.

This "sharing" with other people doesn't sit well with me if I'm honest.

laurenm94

Well, we are meeting on sunday but I think we'll be having a long chat instead of having the fun day we had planned.
I'm not sure what will happen but I'm not feeling too positive about the future of our relationship.
Thanks for your opinions and help,
Lauren
x

Taltos

OP - don't feel you have to meet him tomorrow. If this meeting is going to end up putting you in a bad frame of mind for Monday feel free to tell him that you feel you both need some time apart to think what it is you want from this relationship.

No disrespect to your boyfriend but any reasonable partner would consider
a) your exams
b) your therapy and the emotional preparation needed before and after each session.

OK I get it - he's going away and maybe he did have something really special planned for Sunday night - but are those plans more important than your longterm wellbeing and health?

If you insist on meeting up - make it clear that the sulking child act doesn't cut it.
It might be a good idea to meet up somewhere neutral to have this chat so he cannot "act out" - and also so you can make a quick and safe exit if he does start throwing a strop again.

Belfastmedic

Life is too short to be putting up with the likes of him and his childish attitude!

You do what you need to do for you and your family i.e going to therapy because it is important for you and your mental health.

Remember this: men come and go but you only have one mother and one father.

Don't ever let a man tell you what to do

coco_lola

Op, if I were you, I would consider putting off meeting him until after your therapy. You will be in a more stable position to chat with him once you have had your therapy. You could even bring this situation up in therapy.

Please remember to put yourself first, because whatever happens in your life, the one person who will be with you through everything is you. Be kind to yourself and make sure that you are doing things because you want to do them and they are good for you. It is good to be a little bit selfish when you are trying to get better.