Feeling Blue

LegacyUser

Hey lads,

Hope your all well. Feeling a tad blue with I guess a usual problem seen here on this forum. Myself and the girlfriend have been dating for 3 years and unfortunately over the last 7-8 months we have been on/off/on/off

We called it a day maybe 10 days ago and I think this could be genuinely it. Thing is we left on great terms. The problem was that the sex wasn't great. We fancy each other but I wasn't getting anything from it and to be fair she wasn't either. It's like we connected in every other aspect but the bedroom. Now it wasn't always bad, we had some great sex though over last half a year it has been hit and miss, sometimes great and sometimes not more times Not or there be long periods without any)

Anyways it was a mutual thing to call it a day on the relationship. Last time we broke up she called to my house and started bawling crying so we gave it a go though this time round I doubt that will happen. We also had issues that I cant get over..she kissed a guy when we were "off" though it was a very grey area...hard to explain but she didn't cheat but I wouldn't of done what she did to me. This led to trust issues but we worked through it.

Thats our history so fast forward 8 months later after our latest breakup, she's texting me how lonely she is and how she misses me and how she truly hope that this is not the end of us. She wants us to grow old together. I feel bad so I call over the next day and she tells me how she cried herself to sleep the night before. It made me really sad to hear that. Fast forward a few days later and I'm over the house again to collect my stuff and as I'm picking up a few things I notice that she bought a box of condoms, the box was opened but none were used ( I know how pathetic I actually checked) but it did make my heart jump and break a little more. I obviously didn't mention anything to her...just got my stuff and left. Thing is we have a great laugh as per usual while I was there.

Today she told me that she's really sad but wants us to stop texting so much ( cause it's so hard on her ) which is fair enough I suppose but I feel like I lost my best friend. I also get sad and jealous if I think about her scoring someone else. Seeing the box of condoms was a right kick in the guts. Of course she's single and can do what she wants but kinda hoping it wouldn't be so soon. My friends keep telling me to just score and be done with it. I'm meeting a girl next week and have been in touch with a few more who would be open to having "fun" so I'm wondering should I just score away mad for a while and maybe that might help my situation? I'm in good shape so I do get alot of attention but I've always been 100% loyal and a one woman guy...honestly I say this rambling post reflects where my brain is at the moment. I feel sad, unable to sleep and seem to be making dates with different girls at an alarming rate in such a short period of time.To be honest I think seeing that new box of condoms pretty much got me thinking along those lines.

I just feel really blue. Any thoughts opinions or advice be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

xXLaneyXx

Personally I don't think that by going out and "scoring" with other girls is the answer. Yes people will tell you that you need to get over it and go out and have fun but starting to date other girls when your obviously still hurting won't help. Plus if you do happen to meet someone that falls for you it really isn't fair on her If you are still thinking of your ex.

I think what you need to do is just hang out with your mates for a while and forget about meeting or dating anyone else. Three years is a long time to be with someone and you won't just get over it that quickly.
You need to take some time out , "you" time and dont over complicate things for a while. Certainly go out and have a laugh with your friends, take up a new hobby, busy yourself as much as you can. Break up's are hard whether they are amicable or not. You need time to get yourself back on track and then maybe you'll be on the right road to meeting someone new and giving it your full attention.

Just my two pence worth.

LegacyUser

xxLaney : OP here just wanted to say thanks very much for your post. Much appreciated Great thoughts in fairness! I do keep myself busy with my work,gym,GAA and study so kinda always up to something but your dead right If I wasn't busy I would possibly be a total puppy dog at this stage.

Maybe going out scoring ( sorry I know its a horrible term) is not the best of idea's but I would only do that with a girl who knows that its just for fun and nothing more. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship at this stage so I know I should cool it off with making dates and stuff. I just felt a bit lonely without having my gf around. I guess I'm so used to being a part of a couple.

Ha this post is very cliche isint it? Break ups happen all the time and hearts get broken and people feel blue. I know what needs to be done and I know it takes time but I guess it feels good to express myself and let out some of my feelings too

Thanks again for your post. Much appreciated

xXLaneyXx

Unregister98765498765 wrote: »

xxLaney : OP here just wanted to say thanks very much for your post. Much appreciated Great thoughts in fairness! I do keep myself busy with my work,gym,GAA and study so kinda always up to something but your dead right If I wasn't busy I would possibly be a total puppy dog at this stage.

Maybe going out scoring ( sorry I know its a horrible term) is not the best of idea's but I would only do that with a girl who knows that its just for fun and nothing more. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship at this stage so I know I should cool it off with making dates and stuff. I just felt a bit lonely without having my gf around. I guess I'm so used to being a part of a couple.

Ha this post is very cliche isint it? Break ups happen all the time and hearts get broken and people feel blue. I know what needs to be done and I know it takes time but I guess it feels good to express myself and let out some of my feelings too

Thanks again for your post. Much appreciated

I've been where you've been OP, I was with a guy for over 3 years but it didnt end well.:(
It takes time to get going again, sometimes a whole lot of time. I myself have been single for almost a year as I went through a horrible break up and yes I went down the road of meeting guys out (kiss and no more) but it never made me feel better and if anything it made me feel worse because I kept comparing and it made me miss my bf even more. Taking time out for a while did me a world of good and now at I think I feel ready to take a chance again.
Yes breakup's happen all the time but that doesnt lessen how you are feeling in the slightest. People deal with them in different ways. Find what works for you and stick with it.
Good luck! :)

LegacyUser

xxLaneyxx : Just wanted to say thanks again for your encouraging words. Very much appreciated. I actually feel alot better today. I hope everything works out for you and that the next person you decide to take a chance on turns out to be your Romeo

Very cool and kind of you to help out a perfect stranger

Have a great one!

Lorna123

Unregister98765498765 wrote: »

Hey lads,



Today she told me that she's really sad but wants us to stop texting so much ( cause it's so hard on her ) which is fair enough I suppose but I feel like I lost my best friend. I also get sad and jealous if I think about her scoring someone else. Seeing the box of condoms was a right kick in the guts. Of course she's single and can do what she wants but kinda hoping it wouldn't be so soon. My friends keep telling me to just score and be done with it. I'm meeting a girl next week and have been in touch with a few more who would be open to having "fun" so I'm wondering should I just score away mad for a while and maybe that might help my situation? I'm in good shape so I do get alot of attention but I've always been 100% loyal and a one woman guy...honestly I say this rambling post reflects where my brain is at the moment. I feel sad, unable to sleep and seem to be making dates with different girls at an alarming rate in such a short period of time.To be honest I think seeing that new box of condoms pretty much got me thinking along those lines.

I just feel really blue. Any thoughts opinions or advice be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

So she is now telling you that she is really sad and she placed box of condoms where she knew you would see them but none of them were used so what's the point of that exercise ? Have you told her that you are also sad and that you don't want to break up ? It appears to me that neither of you want this breakup but are going through it anyway. Am I missing something here ? I would get things straight with her before I go in for another friendship with any woman.

Wibbs

Lorna123 wrote: »

It appears to me that neither of you want this breakup but are going through it anyway.

Or both realise the breakup is inevitable, but don't want to cut the cord completely. Have the cake and eat it kind of thing. If you've been with someone for 3 years and emotionally attached to same it's hard to reset the mechanism if it wasn't a harsh breakup. In some ways a real screaming match/cheating/emotionally abusive breakup can be easier to handle than one where the friendship part is still there, but the romance is gone.