I'm about to lose my cat

Lorrs33

I've posted before about Duchess, who was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in January 2011. I'm not sure if this belongs here or in Personal Issues, feel free to move it. Even the vet was amazed she's lasted this long. But sadly, her retinas have detached so she can no longer see, plus she went deaf last year. So she is very confused and gets a fright whenever we pet her.

My mam brought her to the vet yesterday and I knew the inevitable was coming. Presumably to give us time to discuss it and come to terms with it, my vet booked Duchess for euthanasia in two week's time (27th). Even though I knew it was coming, I'm still in pieces. She's 16 and I know we've given her the best life she could have but it's tearing me apart. A lot of people think losing a pet is no big deal but she's been with me since I was eight-years-old (I'm 24 now). She's always been there and I can't imagine her not being there.

I've been crying myself sick since yesterday. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as possible but it's heart breaking just looking at her, as she tries to figure out where she is and why she can't see anything. She mews when no one's near as if crying for help.

In my last thread about her, someone said you could tell when it's time by their eyes. Two looks from Duchess today told me it was time. The first look portrayed her as miserable. And I swear the second look made me think she actually might cry.

My mam consoled me and suggested we move the euthanasia forward. I'm going to ring my vet tomorrow and ask for an early appointment next week. She also thinks I should get Duchess cremated but I can't stand the thoughts of leaving her there, to be burned with other animals and who knows what ashes you're getting back. I'm sorry to those who have had pets cremated but that's just my view. My mam thinks it'll be ten times worse bringing her home to bury her with her son Rio in our back garden (he died at home).

I just feel so lost and confused and heart broken. I can't stand the thoughts of going to work (I work in retail), I'm in non-stop from tomorrow to next Wednesday. They should have pet bereavement leave because they are important in our lives, just like people. I wear my emotions on my sleeve too so I just don't think I can hold it together.

Sorry for the long post but I'm hoping to find people who have felt this way too. It might help knowing I'm not the only one. I can't imagine how I'm going to face the next week.

Rochester

I am really sorry you are facing into this, it is very very sad, thoughts are with you on this night.

Kenno90

Really sorry to hear that, I'm glad she lived a long and happy life:)

u_c_thesecond

Got v upset reading your post op. I lost a cat two years ago, he didnt die he ran away but the grief was like a family member died.

Its an awful thing for you espically when you have had an animal so long. People thing "ah its only a cat cop on to yourself" and thats so ignorant. There should be a brevement thing in work for animals because they become your children and your best friends and some people just do not understand that.

I grieve for you and i hope to god she goes naturally in her sleep as i think it would be easier for you. My thoughts are with you my dear x x

maringo

So sorry to hear that about your pet. It is very sad to lose a pet you have had for so long but I think the kindest thing for her is to go asleep as she seems to be in distress with all her illness. I have had a good few pets go to their reward over the years and each one of them left a huge emptiness and loss. But I have lots of photographs of them and think of the wonderful joy and enrichment they brought to my life during their lifetime. I do think it is nice to bury them in the garden where they have lived and played and plant something in their memory. I have only not buried two of my deceased pets - one was a german shepherd who I had to have put to sleep at ten years because of cancer and the other was my beautiful seal point siamese cat who got very ill at the ripe old age of twenty. Once the vet saw him he recommended putting him to sleep immediately and this was done. I think in the circumstances it was kinder to my pet but devastating to me and the family. Such a sad time for you and so sorry.

DBB

My heart goes out to you OP... I think most here would empathise completely with you, and not dismiss your grief over "just a pet". It is a very real grief. You poor thing.
Would it help, do you think, if the vet were to come to your home? It will cost a bit more, but most vets will do this because it is so much easier for the pet to slip away in a familiar place. I think it makes it a little easier on the owner too, as you know the cat is in a comfortable place, and you can express yourself more naturally than you can in the surgery.
I think you need to act sooner rather than later: if you think it's time, then it probably is, and you don't want to have regrets for the sake of leaving it a couple more weeks.
For the record, the cremation industry is quite tightly regulated, and your pet is cremated as an individual if you pay for that. That said, having been through it fairly recently, it is really, really hard to leave your pet behind for someone else to deal with and handle before your pet reaches her last resting place. So I understand your hesitance to go down this route.
Good luck OP, you have my every sympathy

carfiosaoorl

I'm so sorry OP that is heart breaking. I agree that most people don't understand how hard it is to lose a pet, it is like losing a family member. I agree about cremating its nice to have a grave. I hope your heart heals quickly (((hugs)))

Zapperzy

Nothing really to add except I'm thinking of you, I'v only ever had hamsters put down and that was hard enough, the rest were all natural or unexpected home deaths, can't imagine what making that decision for a pet you've had for 16 years is like. Would it make it any easier to cancel the appointment and just ring when you feel the time is right, it can be hard to pick a date and count down to it.

All my pets have been buried, either in our own house now or in my granny's house when we were renting. My rabbit has a crab apple tree over him and my cat has a bunch of daffodils that are still coming up every year (he died 11 or 12 years ago). Not sure what would be the 'easiest' option but it's nice to have some sort of memorial somewhere, either a little plaque or a plant.

Don't forget there are people who understand the loss of a pet, especially here nobody will laugh or say it's just a cat so don't be afraid to talk for fear of feeling stupid.

sparkle_23

So sorry to hear that OP. Losing a pet is so horrible. I'm in tears reading ur post. I work in retail too & I know what it's like... Hard to get time off and u just end up more stressed. And if u call in sick it's u that loses money.

I agree about cremation too... I know where each of my kitties & dog are buried in the back garden. It's nice to know they are still in that garden where they ran around and played.

Thinking of u and poor Duchess x x x

anniehoo

Aw Lorrs so sorry to hear that, it really does break your heart having to say goodbye after so long. It's totally up to you of course, but as 2 of her main senses are now gone she really wont be happy in herself and if it was me, i would bring the vet appt forward. I know this is so hard but her quality of life im sure is what you are thinking of now.

With regards cremation, if you go for individual cremation, you will only get back her ashes and no other pet. This is a very strict policy,one i have clarified numerous times as i got my own dog cremated. I live in an apartment and while i could've buried her in the family garden,she was more my dog, so cremation was the best option for me.I have a lovely scatter tube (which i couldnt bring myself to scatter ) sitting on my side table with her collar and a photo. Every now and then when i see it i smile.

Lorrs33

Thank you so much for all your replies and support. Apologies if I have upset anyone.

My mam rang the vet and they've moved her appointment to next Wednesday (20th) at 10.40am. Will I really have to wait in the waiting room with everyone else?

anniehoo

Lorrs33 wrote: »

Thank you so much for all your replies and support. Apologies if I have upset anyone.

My mam rang the vet and they've moved her appointment to next Wednesday (20th) at 10.40am. Will I really have to wait in the waiting room with everyone else?

Just wait in the car with her until your appt is due, they'll have no problem coming out to get you when they know what the appt is for. I know its going to be an awful few days for you, but enjoy her now ok. Take lots of pics and videos,give her lots of her fav treats...just spoil her. I wont lie,this will be one of the hardest things you'll have to do but she'll know she was your princess and had a great last few days with you. In a strange way it's one of the best things as humans we can do for our pets. It's so peaceful and they really dont feel a thing (hugs)!

tk123

OP sorry about your cat Mine will be dead 3 years in a couple of weeks - he got kidney failure and went downhill really quickly so there was nothing they could do. I got him back from the vets on a Saturday and knew the next day he wasn't going to get better and the kindest thing to do was to end his suffering. They were closed on the Sunday so we brought him in on the Monday - I cried all day on the Monday My dad and brother cried before we took him to the vets and we all cried when we came back without him. The vets were fantastic - they let us stay with him as long as we wanted before and after and use the side door so we didn't have to go thru the waiting room. We got an individual cremation and got the ashes back in a wooden box - I've attached a pic of it. He loved to lie at the end of the stairs so we have the box there. You are doing the right thing bringing it forward - even though your heart is breaking this is the both bravest and hardest decision to make as a pet owner.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I'm very sorry to hear that. I lost my childhood cat back in 05, like your cat he had a long illness before being put down. Its awful to lose them, people don't realise how attached you become. But take comfort in the fact that shes had a long and happy life.

Lorrs33

My mam changed her mind, now we're waiting to see if she can adapt. My mam found an article online about deaf and blind cats leading normal lives. There's a nineteen year old cat with her own FB page. I won't say I'm either happy or devastated that this change of plan is happening. But what I feel isn't relief that I get to hold on to her for another little while and see how she copes. I feel emotionally drained. I've spent the last few days crying myself sick, trying to get myself ready for Wednesday and now all I feel is empty.

It was supposed to be my decision but that obviously didn't mean anything. She's eating, she's using her litter tray without assistance and finding her way around, be it with a struggle. My mam is hopeful she'll adapt.

I honestly don't know what to feel. I'm so lost.

Ann22

Lorrs.. what a heartbreaking thread:( I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I'd say you're exhausted and worn out worrying about your little darling. Hope she adapts to her health problems and has more quality time to spend with you to be spoiled and cuddled.

spacecookie555

You poor poor thing, I know what its like to lose a pet youve had for many years. I had my pet for nearly 14years then he caught diabetes and went blind and started fitting, we had to get him euthanised, I was absolutely devastated, cried for days and at night for weeks. I thought I would never stop feeling the pain but it does get easier trust me. What I did was I bought a special frame and put his picture on my bedside locker, still have it by my bed to this day so it feels like hes still with me, it really helped me deal, I hope you can find something that helps you too. And remember as long as shes in your heart and on your mind shes never really gone. xxx