Confused

Dottodot

I'm not even sure what to write or were to begin, I feel very confused at the moment, and even trying to write down how I feel is tough, I'm hoping for some perspective I suppose, and don't feel I can properly talk to anyone about this so Here goes .... I'm with my boyfriend over 8 years, living together a few years now, the first few years were fantastic for me anyway, felt very confident and loved in the relationship, then as the time went on alot of little "incidents" started happening which made me start to doubt the strength of our relationship, texts to and from girls etc.

Each time something like that happened I called time on everything and he begged forgiveness and couldn't explain why he would do such things, he said that there was something wrong with him, but he loved me and it would never happen again, at this stage there was no cheating ( not that I'm aware of) So we had alot of ups and downs, unemployment and the loss of a very close loved one on his side which badly affected both of us for a long time we and himself particularly were grief stricken, there was alot of uncertainty and rows I suppose, alot of drinking to forget, and basically trying to deal with what had happened.

Moving to last year, i caught him in a very compromising situation with another girl, this really broke my heart, he swore nothing actually happened, I know they kissed and if I hadn't of walked in when when I did something would have happened, we spilt up and I was very adamant that I was never going back. I did, he swore that this was it, that he was going to really change and I had to work very hard to forgive him and try to put behind what had happened. We're back living together nearly a year now and he has pulled his socks up but I suppose I'm seriously questioning our future together, obviously all I've said up to now indicates that I am really unsure if I can trust him and if he truly is the right person for me. i think resentment is setting in on my behalf, after committing to someone for so long I just feel let down. I'm trying to work out if I love him enough or if he loves me enough to move forward together .....

Everyday life together is not so great, i do alot of things to annoy him, I'm no angel, when we're out people comment on wheter or not we're ever going to get married etc and I have to admit I feel the same, I suppose I'm scared that we could go on for another couple of years and he will never commit to me. I do love him he is my best friend, but even our sex life has become less and less, with neither of us instigating it anymore .... God writing this all out makes me feel like there isnt much hope!!! I don't really know what I'm looking for here, just a place to get it all out, sometimes I think my own head might be the problem, and that I can never just be content .... but then I think I might just be in denial about the state of our relationship .... sorry for the long and rambling post x

ihsb

You need to get out of this relationship. You are doing neither of you a favour. You haven't been able to forgive and forget and as far as I can tell he hasn't been helping you to.

Get out now before you become miserable. x

girl2

I'm sorry, but I totally have I agree with the post above. After 8 years of repeated indiscretions, it would appear that this man does not love you as you deserve to be loved, and furthermore is treating with with a complete lack of respect. Some people say that once a cheater, always a cheater. And I have to say that I think this man has no intention of committing to you wholeheartedly.

There is no doubt in my mind that if you do persist on this relationship, you will wake up some day and know that you have made the worst mistake of your life.

I hope it works out for you OP. Good luck.

Dolly Daydreams

I also agree with the above posts.. If you find it hard to forgive and forget it won't get any easier if you were to get married & have children. If he went down that path again be it texting girls or kissing them and you have a family it will be a hell of a lot harder to be able to leave Has he given you any reason to doubt him since you started back your relationship?

LegacyUser

I suppose I'm scared that we could go on for another couple of years and he will never commit to me

eh what?...Why on earth would you want to commit to him?!

If he can't even be faithful now, then it's not going to change just because you have a bit of metal on your finger. OP it's been 8 years and nothing has changed, you need to sit down and have a long think about why you are willing to sell yourself so short by continuing in a relationship with this 'man'.