Is this normal??

LegacyUser

Just looking for a bit of advice, here's the backstory.

About a year ago me and the ex broke up, we were together for just shy of 5 years, i was madly in love with her. Reasons for breaking up were that she didnt want to be in a relationship and wanted to be on her own for a while. She started dating people more or less straight away when we broke up but nothing serious from what i can gather. She said she loved me, that the break up had nothing to do with me that it was all her.

Time has passed and while im not 100% over everything, i have managed to get over it a bit. We work together, get on grand and are always professional with each other and recently attended a work function together where we got on grand but there was no feelings there (on my part anyway). I do miss certain aspects of our relationship from time to time and i miss her at times too, but not to the extent i did in the months immediate after our break up.

What i want to know is- Is it normal to still feel a bit bitter over the break up a year later??
I mean she said she wanted to be on her own, yet went dating straight away after the break up.

Is it normal to still miss her from time to time a year later? I know we probably will never get back together but cant picture myself finding anyone like her ever again.

Thanks for reading.

Whiteflag12

Completely normal I would say, you shared five years together, I would get worried if you didn't think of her from time to time.

I guess over time you will think of her less frequently and when you meet another woman that steals your heart you will put it all behind you. It's very mature that you can still work together, that can't be easy. It sounds to me like she was the one who lost out on a decent guy!

AdventRises

rexd55 wrote: »

What i want to know is- Is it normal to still feel a bit bitter over the break up a year later??
I mean she said she wanted to be on her own, yet went dating straight away after the break up.

Absolutely.
From the sounds of it, you got a serving of the "its me, not you" cliche sh*te people say. She wanted to be alone... she wanted to not be in a relationship .... but dating other guys as soon as?

Thats enough for me to dislike someone being in your shoes. IMO, being with someone for 5 years warrents honesty as to why its ending.

rexd55 wrote: »

Is it normal to still miss her from time to time a year later? I know we probably will never get back together but cant picture myself finding anyone like her ever again.

Cliche saying "time heals all" - But its true only when we heal. Do we realise its true.

Piliger

Hi OP. I think you were very lucky to have a GF who broke up in such a gentle and honest and nice way with you. I think it would have been a lot worse had she been a different person.

There are lots of reasons why she may have started seeing people straight away, including being advised to by her friends in order to get over the break up. I see nothing but normality in her behaviour.

Please remember that the person who breaks up a relationship almost always has been feeling their emotional distance from their partner for some time before they decide the right thing to do is to break up. They have had time to prepare emotionally. It is the one who is broken up with that will often be behind the curve.

I see nothing to be bitter about with this girl and think that you need to get on with your life and not hold a grudge. Life is complicated and it is impossible to know the issues and factors that contributed to her changes and her choices.

den87

Working together must be tough and is probably prolonging your chance of getting over it completely, I could be wrong but seeing each other every day mustn't be easy

Dravokivich

rexd55 wrote: »

I mean she said she wanted to be on her own, yet went dating straight away after the break up.

By the sounds of it, according to another comment in your OP, the dating was casual and nothing serious. If this is the case, it's still on her own, but satisfying a couple of other needs, but not disrespecting you, by utilising you and continuing a faux relationship in such a manner.

BraziliaNZ

I want to be on my own and I don't want to be in a relationship is just a nice way of saying that you don't do it for her anymore and she doesn't want to be with you.
Everyone wants attention and sex from the opposite sex so of course she's going to go dating. Don't be bitter, just know next time you get dumped, if there is a next time, that these cliched reasons for a breakup mean nothing really, it just means it has run it's course and you need to move on.

floorpie

I think that it would be fair to say that most people wouldn't be completely over a five year relationship after one year. It's perfectly normal to still miss her. It does sound like you're handling things very well though.