Dont Know What To Do

LegacyUser

Ive been with this guy for a few years now. We have our ups and downs but I just don't know if i should stay with him. I try and have a good long think about it but im just so unsure of anything. I keep asking myself all these questions and i just cant seem to answer them. The answer is always i don't know and i feel like there is something wrong with me, i should be able to answer them, but im not.

I don't think im attracted to him, I don't even know if i love him anymore. I have no interest in doing anything with him (ie. going out together etc). Im not the type of person to be too bothered about sex either. I just feel numb or something and i don't know why. Sometimes when he is around i wish he would basically eff off away from me for a while.

He loves me and wants to be with me and settle down together, im not sure if i feel the same.. not that i don't want those things to happen but i don't think i would like to have those things with HIM. I used to be so excited to see him but i don't get any feeling like that anymore i don't feel anything to be honest and its doing my head in.

I cant figure out if i am just staying with him because it would break his heart if we broke up, at the same time i don't know if i will regret breaking up with him.

Everything ive said so far may all seem negative and "yes break up wit him" may seem like an obvious answer, but i don't know i just am sooo unsure and i cant seem to feel or think anything properly

Elmidena

There's a difference between insecurities in a relationship's future and lack of something real... I think you already know your answer. Have a talk with him, after so long together he deserves it and it's only fair to let him have the chance for ye to recreate the spark. Visit your gp to rule out depression or some other underlying issue and you might feel daft in a month or two for questioning your future with him. Good luck

_dublinlad_

I am taking a guess that there are two reasons you havent broken up with him yet - and neither of these reasons are a good reason to stay with him.

1) You don't want to hurt him

2) You are afraid of being alone

I have been in your spot, you have to be cruel to be kind here, let him loose to find someone that really loves him.

Johnny_BravoIII

What do you do to keep your life interesting?
What does he do to keep his life interesting?
What do ye do together to keep your relationship interesting?

Ickle Magoo

If you feel numb and that you can't feel your emotions properly, I'd recommend a trip to the doctors to rule out any underlying medical reason before exploring any other options.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

I don't think i know the answer to be honest. We don't do much.. Money is tight, i feel stuck in this situation, i want to move on and do more for myself, i am unemployed which is taking its toll on everything, but i just want out of our current situation.

I feel like i need time to myself to figure out what i want from life and what i want to do with myself (college etc), i think he needs to do the same. All he is talking about is saving all the time so that we can buy a house and all that crap. I feel like trying to live together is more hassle than its worth at the moment anyway, scraping through each month just to be living together is not working.

I feel like im being held back by it and i feel its holding him back too and thats added to all of the stuff ive mentioned in my first post.

going mad

have you said how you feel to him and talk it through? Maybe couples counselling can clear things up for you and maybe even him. He is trying to save money to provide a future for you both and you call it crap. I think that is so unfair to him. Does he realise that you would rather do other things with the money and not save for a holiday. There is so much you can do without money. Why can't you figure out what you both want, even if its different, it doesn't mean the end. IMHO you are holding yourself back from doing what you want but using the relationship as an excuse that that is whats holding you back. If you do realise you want to be with your bf and are committed to him both of ye can get what ye want from life but within the relationship. But commitment is needed on both sides!!

LegacyUser

@going mad ..I do appreciate him wanting to plan a future but its pointless, we both have nothing to fall-back on if things get tough.. neither of us have a qualification in anything, we would just be struggling our way through again, couples counseling is not an option given that we cant afford anything apart from what we need at the moment. Im thinking that the best thing to do i feel is to go our separate ways and maybe then i will know if i really want to be with him, i kind of feel that i need to take myself out of the situation to figure everything out and that might get me to realize if i want a future with him, and maybe then i will also figure out what i want from life myself, it may help him too, but then im not 100% sure..so maybe i should just take the chance

going mad

Could he not pay for a session or two with the money he is setting aside. I have recently broke up with my ex after 6 and a half years. We were together since 18/19. She said she loved me but wanted freedom but she could see her spending the rest of her life with me..which i kind of understand because we were together so young and haven't really experienced life. She was sending mixed messages like i love you, i don't want to lose you but i need freedom. I was stuck and hung up on this. I went to a councillor on my own and to move past this she asked would my ex go. She did go, and tbh it helped me alot because the councillor cut out the mixed messages. I finally found out that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and wants her freedom. It hurt so bad because i loved her more than anything but atleast i had the truth.

I think that counselling might help you to realise what you want and where you want to go, and if you want to be with your bf and if ye have a future. I would scrape the money together because i think it is well worthwhile.

Does your bf have any idea how you are feeling?? Communication is key to any relationship and ye may be able to work things out. I don't think having no money or qualifications is the issue here..you can still work out what you want with life with your bf or not with your bf. Because you are so confused i think the counselling will help...

This is just based on my experience and how mine came to where it did. Because my ex gf stopped communicating with me it was the detriment of the relationship in the end.

LegacyUser

@going mad .. how your ex felt is kind of how i feel.. my bf and i have been together since 18.. but i just feel a lot of pressure with not being working and wanting to do something with myself but not sure how to go about it.. but that aside i feel i want to do that without him in the picture if you get what im saying.. a part of me feels like i don't want to be stuck in this same relationship forever.. i want to just go out and be free without feeling like something is tying me down.. another part of me would like to see the two of us doing well for ourselves and being happy cos we are not right now and haven't been for months..

going mad

what age are ye now? If ye aren't happy for months then ask yourself the question why? If it is not been in work and feeling you have done nothing with your life then it is up to you to change it. Because how you feel about you and not working and that makes you feel its the relationship thats holding you back. I think wat you need to realise and certainly what my ex needed to realise is that you can change yourself and get where you want to go while staying in a relationship..but only if you want to make it work. It does take two for a relationship to work and if one does not put in the work then of course the relationship will feel like its holding you back and the feeling of suffocation. You have to decide whether you want to throw away all you have with your bf to see pastures new and what you want from life. How do you feel about your bf..do you love him? Does he make you smile? Do you feel happy when you are with him? (Keeping money issues and that aside for a moment)

LegacyUser

I spoke with him the other night and ive decided to leave, i told him exactly how i felt.. And that i wish i didn't feel how i do but i don't think it will change.. All i got was a load of abuse back, but just left him be.. Theres alot i have left out of my posts, stuff that he done that he shouldn't have but it doesn't really matter when i look at the bigger picture.. But for now i think this is for the best.. Now im faced with dealing with not being with anyone after 5 years in a relationship.. Its going to be really hard.. Just the having someone there part..and still caring about him.. Dont know how im going to deal with that.