Pride destroying relationship?

morgans303

I'm in a 1 year relationship with this girl I'm deeply in love with. The problem is, she became friends with this guy who I've had some really big arguments with.

The problem is, when trying to get ride of him, it seems to push me and her farther apart. They're not cheating on me, but she won't get rid of him either.

Should I just swallow my pride, accept I can't change this and continue on with her?

Elmidena

There is no reason for her to get rid of this friend; she became friendly with him of her own volition and you have been the one falling out with him, not her. He has not wronged her by any sense from what I gather, and so she is right to stand her ground IMO. The more you want her to stop talking to him, the more appealing she will find it, even if she doesn't really like him all that much as a person. She has her own mind and is capable of making her own choices, I know it's tough for you but the truth is you have to bite your tongue. If you love her as much as you say you do, then surely you don't want to be in a position where you dictate who she can and can't see? It might sound severe to you, but OP, that is exactly what you're trying to do through a guise of "loyalty to you".

morgans303

Elmidena wrote: »

There is no reason for her to get rid of this friend; she became friendly with him of her own volition and you have been the one falling out with him, not her. He has not wronged her by any sense from what I gather, and so she is right to stand her ground IMO. The more you want her to stop talking to him, the more appealing she will find it, even if she doesn't really like him all that much as a person. She has her own mind and is capable of making her own choices, I know it's tough for you but the truth is you have to bite your tongue. If you love her as much as you say you do, then surely you don't want to be in a position where you dictate who she can and can't see? It might sound severe to you, but OP, that is exactly what you're trying to do through a guise of "loyalty to you".

Thanks, I realised this but I think it was already too late. It was a long distance relationship, so the whole thing's been too much stress on me. I think my next relationship will definitely be better.

Piliger

morgans303 wrote: »

Thanks, I realised this but I think it was already too late. It was a long distance relationship, so the whole thing's been too much stress on me. I think my next relationship will definitely be better.

That is a great thing to hear

When we start off in relationships we have to learn about how they work. How we feel and how we need to behave. It's bloody tough. During that time it is very tempting to think we have the power and the right to control not just ourselves but our GF/BF and who they see and chat to and text. Soon we learn that it's enough for them to want to be with us. We don't need to limit their lives. In fact the wider their lives are, the more satisfying it is for us to realise THEY chose to be with US. I know I may be over reaching in your case, but it's my two cents.

morgans303

Piliger wrote: »

That is a great thing to hear

When we start off in relationships we have to learn about how they work. How we feel and how we need to behave. It's bloody tough. During that time it is very tempting to think we have the power and the right to control not just ourselves but our GF/BF and who they see and chat to and text. Soon we learn that it's enough for them to want to be with us. We don't need to limit their lives. In fact the wider their lives are, the more satisfying it is for us to realise THEY chose to be with US. I know I may be over reaching in your case, but it's my two cents.

That's great advice.

Herrick

I'm prob going against the grain with one...

But if my gf was not on great terms with someone and often had rows with them, I couldn't see myself making friends with the other person. Sure, I'd be polite and civil, but thats it.

Piliger

Herrick wrote: »

I'm prob going against the grain with one...

But if my gf was not on great terms with someone and often had rows with them, I couldn't see myself making friends with the other person. Sure, I'd be polite and civil, but thats it.

I wouldn't actually disagree with this. But that is your choice remember. Also we don't know the details of their friendship and other issues that may be happening between this couple. Issues that the OP may not be mentioning or even be aware of.

indough

Herrick wrote: »

I'm prob going against the grain with one...

But if my gf was not on great terms with someone and often had rows with them, I couldn't see myself making friends with the other person. Sure, I'd be polite and civil, but thats it.

i agree, i dont think its unreasonable to expect that your partner wont buddy up with somebody they know you hate. it has nothing to do with being possessive or controlling, it's simply a matter of having respect for each others feelings. there seems to be some kind of idea doing the rounds that you should never expect anything from a partner, but if that's the case then how will they ever be any different from someone you just happen to sleep with regularly?