keeping it in the family

LegacyUser

Hi there, I am wondering what to do. Basically I met this totally lovely guy, who is really suited to me. I find him very attractive, and he has told me he wants to be with me. All good, except then when we were discussing where we are from etc, it turns out that he's a cousin of a cousin of mine. His granny said that we are distantly related, definitely more than 2nd cousins, probably 3rd or 4th. Anyway, we haven't slept together or anything, but I'm just wondering should I call a halt to it before anything like that happens.
Advice Please!!
What is acceptable these days??

i think you will have to explain a bit better OP.

if he is a cousin of your cousin, how is he related to you?
if you are a niece of your cousins mother, than your cousins cousins is a nephew of your cousins father? so no relation.

or is there a connection some other way?

bp

The only issue is first cousins where you need permission to marry from a Bishop and even then the likelihood of anything being genetically wrong is unlikely, anything beyond that is no issue.

the reason for the warning against marrying someone you are related to is the possibility of passing on genetic defects, as if you both have the same issue then there is a higher likelihood of off spring getting it.

P. Breathnach

You do need to clarify things a bit, but because I have been doing some genealogy, I can appreciate that there are people like his granny who can say that you are distantly related (most commonly, you find that sort of awareness in rural or small-town situations). I recently made contact with a woman of the granny generation who I figured out was a third cousin; the next time I met her, she told me that she was also related to me through another line - I'm still trying to figure that one out, but I am sure that she is right.

Is it okay to get involved? Conventional thinking is that first cousins are too closely related for it to be good to get together, and third cousins are fair game. The borderline is second cousins, with some taking the view that it's okay, and others taking the contrary view.

I'd be inclined to believe his granny but, for peace of mind, I'd ask her to spell it out more fully, or talk to some other family member who might know the family history.

The Big Red Button

lovelyweatherout... wrote: »

What is acceptable these days??

What is acceptable is what is acceptable to you, not to others.

As far as I know, anything further than first cousins is legally fully acceptable (for marriage etc.)

Personally, if I knew a man was in any way related to me, it would kill all attraction, and there is no way I could be in a relationship with them. But that's only my own view, and I wouldn't judge others' decisions.

However, there are people who probably will judge your relationship with him (if you decide to pursue it further.) So you do need to accept that in advance, and be prepared for it.

I agree with what others have said, about finding out just how closely related you are, before you take this any further.

fungun

A cousin of a cousin may actually have no bloodline connection whatsoever, as you may be that persons cousin on the male side, and he a cousin on the female side.

You need to clarify the exact bloodline relationship between you and your partner, not stating it through 3rd parties. My first instinct is (since you didnt even know him) that you are probably ok, but definitely check it out.

Squiggler

Legally the only prohibited relationships (for marriage) for a woman are:
Grandfather
Grandmother's Husband
Husband's grandfather
Father's brother
Mother's brother
Father's sister's husband
Mother's sister's husband
Husband's father's brother
Husband's mother's brother
Father
Stepfather
Husband's father
Son
Husband's son
Daughter's husband
Brother
Son's son
Daughter's son
Son's daughter's husband
Daughter's daughter's husband
Husband's son's son
Husband's daughter's son
Brother's son
Sister's son
Brother's daughter's husband
Sister's daughter's husband
Husband's brother's son
Husband's sister's son

Which means that legally, even if he was a first cousin, the state would allow you to marry. So, after that, it's really up to you to decide whether you are comfortable or not.

Dinxminx

I know that most of my cousin's cousins are in no way blood related to me. I've hooked up with one of my cousin's cousins before! Fair game. Have fun!