Newly single and finding it tough

LegacyUser

Hi there

I came out of an emotionally and mentally abusive 6 yr relationship last Christmas.

The last 6 months have been the first months I've been single since being 18, I'm 31 now.

When the break up happened, I cut all ties with my ex, including moving out of the area we lived in, although we hadn't been living together.

The first couple of months were great, I was free and loved the fact that I didn't have anyone to answer to. I made some new friends too which was great.

However, recently I find myself longing for a relationship and I know that my heart is in a hurry to be mended and wants to find someone quick.

The funny thing is that my head knows full well what's going on. My head knows that now after the initial 'I'm free' and the novelty of single life is becoming more of a normality I'm freaking out because all I've ever known is relationships. My head knows well I'm not ready for a relationship and that if I started one now it would be the wrong time completely.

My head is aware that I need to be on my own for a while - a further 6 months at the very least and is also aware that the general situation I find myself in right now in life is one I've literally dreamed about hundreds of times. I've had some of the best times in my life so far in the last 6 months.

However, in this internal battle, the emotions of my heart seem to win out and I find myself sad even though I know I should be happy. I've started to drink a lot - not very regularly but once a week, usually a Friday I will get so drunk that I forget segments of the night.

Naturally, alcohol being a depressant, this is making me feel worse, but every weekend I convince myself that I won't get as drunk as I did the week before, yet it seems to just happen unconsciously.

I do try my very best to keep myself occupied, I'm actually taking a 6week trip to go travelling alone soon - the first time I've done anything like this and I'm scared! I've taken up a new hobby and I do my best to try to go out with friends as often as possible, the problem there though is that my friends are all loved up and don't really have a huge amount of time in their schedules for me as they spend a lot of time with their partners.

I feel so sad asking this, but are there any self help guides on enjoying single life or adjusting to being on your own and actually enjoying it? I'm worried that I'm ruining what could be the freeist, happiest time of my life by trying to feed what is essentially an insecurity about being alone.

Am I completely mad or are there other people who have felt this way? Is it just a matter of changing my thinking?

nowyouresix

OP: you're doing everything you should be....just give things time! Big ups to you for getting out and picking up the pieces. What you're feeling is perfectly normal, just a process... You are not mad at all.
Best of luck with your travelling etc.