broken hearted by the heartless

millymollymoo

Hey all , am very new to boards,always came online and read the posts but never joined up for sum strange reason but anyways here goes nothing...
Was seeing a fella for the last 3mths r so until last wk i realised he was always very busy with work and jobs on the side or football training ect....we only saw eachother once a wk on a saturday nite.Dont get me wrong I loved the saturday nites chilling with him but he was always so tired after his ritual friday with the lads drinking and what not that we never done anything so i finaly got the courage up last wk and told him this in a txt.....Which to my horror i could not believe the stuff i got back in the txt :mad: :( bascially saying he doesnt know how he feels about me,that he doesnt know if he has any feelings at all for me and never did ect....:(:(:( now what i need to know is how could someone spent nearly4mths with a person and shower them with compliments,always telling them how beauitful and funny they are to then txt and break up with me like that??? so sorry about the long 1st post but had to get it all out there really want to hear what ye think of this

RealistSpy

For him to break up through the phone and not have the courage to tell you face to face or explained what happened, I think you had a lucky escape.

I think 3/4 months is relatively short in a relationship but now you just have to try move on.

GL

millymollymoo

yup thats wot im thinking aswell , he didnt have the courage to say it to my face when i was with him 2days before hand
just the thing i cant understand is how a person to say all that nice stuff to u, always complimenting me, great laffs really thought it was goin sumwhere,i really felt alot for this fella,he was the one that wanted things to go further and take things to the next level,he wanted me to meet his parents after just 3/4wks after datin for only 3wks i was introduced to all his friends,their girlfriends and workmates....so i cant understand how he cant turn around and say he had no feelings for me
We were going out with eachother as a couple for just 4mths but had being chatting and txting since about aug last yr.

coco_lola

Unfortunately, that's one of the bad things about dating - you'll never know. And you'll do your head in trying to figure out why. Even if you ask him, you'll never know if his answer was honest or not. Best thing you can do is be glad that it was 4 months in and not a year/years down the line when you could have been much more broken hearted than you are now. We learn something from every experience, so chalk it down to just that, experience. Go have some fun with your friends and maybe date a few guys when you're ready. And take care of yourself

millymollymoo

awh guys thanks a million for the replys ur all dead right and i knew all this b4 hand that i was being so stupid (have had plenty of experience with broken heartitis!!!) i think ill live by the rule that iv always had.... 1 wk for every mth .. lol so ill be bak to the normal me this time next wk :D:D think ill leave the whole datin thing off for another few yrs tho :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Seeing someone just once a week probably makes it difficult to develop the relationship further. You say you would say in and he would be recovering from the night before so it sounds like you never really went out on dates like couples do. I can see how the ambivalance might arise.

If you would still like to try to maintain the relationship maybe suggest breaking out of the Saturday night rut and try to go out and do something different like dinner, cinema. Even if you choose not to continue with this guy, maybe it's something to keep in mind for future relationships and if possible meet up once or twice during the week. The beginning of a relationship should be exciting but if you fall into a pattern very early on, sitting in in front of the TV, then it can easily become stale.

The other thing which is something to watch is when a new partner wants to introduce you to their parents quite early on in the relationship, or in some cases make declarations of love quite early. Relationships need a chance to grow and take off at the couples own pace to see where it goes intead of making leaps ahead to the subsequent stages so I'm not surprised he declared later on that he was unsure of his feelings. So just find your own pace and take time to get to know the person.

millymollymoo

thanx for the reply yeah at the start we dated, went out for quite drinks r meals and had a nites away in hotels r wkends away aswell.... it was him tho that wanted me to meet his mates and their girlfriends and his workmates all very early on,which i was happy to do,thinkin that this must be goin sumwhere gud if hes wanting me to meet his mates and family ect...i never meet the family tho i told him it was way to early for me to go dwn that route... he was also the one who wanted us to be a couple and make it ''official'' .... i enjoyed the nites in lazyin on the sofa with him after a wk of workin i was kinda glad not to be doin anything else. his main problem is he was always to busy during the wk to spend an evening or even an hr with me. he always put things b4 me lik training,r footy,r jobs on the side, and when i suggested to him that we meet during the wk to do sumit he looked at me as if i had 4 heads coz i think the footy was on that day thats when it all blow up when i txted him and told him we never do anthin or see eachother ect ...all i got bak was he doesnt know how he feels for me.hes not sure if he has ''those feelings'' or not and we shud take a break so he can figure out if those feelings come to him r not im not 16 ..i know wot a break means hahaa im in my late 20's and sounding like a teenager here but if ye seen us together ud need a bucket for the vomiting ud do we were always laffing,kissin,cuddling,messing got on great ...thats wot i cant understand is how 2 ppl cud be like that and for a fella to be always telling u how gud u look,and compliments left right and center to then say that he has no feelings for you is absolutly mind boggling ill never understand that ...

Taltos

OP - welcome to PI/RI - if you have not already done so can you please review our charter and refrain from text speak. We insist that all posters use full english to make it easier on everyone else.

Thanks
Taltos

dellas1979

You felt you wanted to see him more that one day a week, nothing wrong with that, and you told him that and fair play to you.

Sounds like he got a little spooked. And if he is spooked/ran for the hills after saying you'd like to spend more time with him, then he is REALLY not worth it.

Honest, you might blame yourself for spooking him the "why did I say anything at all", but you did the right thing for you. You want a relationship where you spend time with your partner. He sounds like he just wants you there when it suits him, and the spending more time together in his head just makes it more official.

PS: OP, words are easy to say (the showering you with compliments bit), its actions that speak louder.

millymollymoo

Yeah i think that all of the above is dead right its not that i even wanted to be with him every single day, we live in different counties ,i just wanted even an hour or two one evening during the week....oh well the way i look at it now is that it's his loss just hurts to think the way we were together,all sweetness and happieness and light ect to just finish up in a text to me saying he has no feelings I actualy dont think for one minute that he had no feelings for me...I wouldn't say we were in love cause how could you be in love or even get the chance to fall in love with someone you spend one day a week with ?? but there was definility feelings there on both parts weather hes willing to admit it or not.... as i said im not a teenager,i have had long term releationships before and have been hurt before to know that what i was feeling for him wasnt just all one sided have to say thanks to all for the replys, it has really helped me a lot since i posted