My Girlfriend Wants Me to Show and Prove Commitment

LegacyUser

My girlfriend is at me to show her what I said in the title, I love her to bits and have shown her I am serious about us, have said to her she will be in my future, get married etc,
But she still wants me to do more!!
I would get her something like a promise ring, but where I currently am that is impossible and I won't get to see her for another two weeks.
I am at wits end with this.
Can anyone help me out?

Beruthiel

Some more details would help.
How long have you been going out?
What ages are ye?

LegacyUser

OP here, we have been together nearly a year soon, I'm 28, she is 26.

FatherlyNick

Thats a hard one OP... Earn her respect and trust would be a good start.

The Big Red Button

Sadbf wrote: »

My girlfriend is at me to show her what I said in the title, I love her to bits and have shown her I am serious about us, have said to her she will be in my future, get married etc,
But she still wants me to do more!!
I would get her something like a promise ring, but where I currently am that is impossible and I won't get to see her for another two weeks.
I am at wits end with this.
Can anyone help me out?

I'm kind of confused as to what she actually wants here?!

Is a promise ring the same thing as an engagement ring?

I don't know, if I was looking for reassurance about how someone felt about me, I wouldn't be looking for something physical like that. It doesn't really prove anything, in my opinion?

Is there a reason she's doubting you?

To be honest, if she chooses not to believe what you're telling her, the problem is on her side. In my opinion it's not really up to you to do anything ... she can choose to believe what you're telling her, or not!

djimi

Without knowing more about your situation its hard to know exactly what she wants from you and its hard to know what to advise.

How much time do you spend around each other? Do you only see her one night a week and often prioritize going out drinking with your friends over seeing her or something like that?

How old are you? How long have you been together? Do you live together? Is she angling for an engagement?

LegacyUser

I'm 28, she is 26, we live together, she says words not good enough and has to be actions!!

OP this is a bit impossible for anyone here to talk to you about

what you should be doing is sitting down and asking her why she thinks you're not committed, what exactly she is looking for, and discussing if you want to meet that expectation and if so, how you can do it

my feeling is that either she is making crazy demands because she is insecure and thinks this will help (it won't), or there is something in your behaviour or actions that she has an issue with and this is her attempt to deal with it

but again, as i said, it's her you need to be talking to about this

SheFiend

I'd be freaked out if someone started that not even a year into it!

Sleepy

Sounds like a "propose or I'm off" ultimatum.

Personally, I'd be off if someone felt that marriage was something to pressurise me into.

Beruthiel

sadbf wrote: »

OP here, we have been together nearly a year soon, I'm 28, she is 26.

She's pushing for marriage a year into the relationship and she's only 26?!
Too much pressure.

So, we know what she wants.
Now, what do YOU want?

ash23

Sadbf wrote: »

I'm 28, she is 26, we live together, she says words not good enough and has to be actions!!

Are you sure she's not just telling you that she wants you to show you love her instead of just saying it.
Words are cheap to be honest. It's very easy for someone to say they love you and are committed to you but then they might act totally indifferent at times.
You say you won't see her for two weeks but you live together. Is that a regular thing? Maybe she feels you don't give her enough of your time or that you are a bit flaky.

Of course, she could just be a wannabe bridezilla who is trying to force your hand in terms of getting married.
But only you can answer that.

Neyite

Sadbf wrote: »

My girlfriend is at me to show her what I said in the title, I love her to bits and have shown her I am serious about us, have said to her she will be in my future, get married etc,
But she still wants me to do more!!

Translation: I want you to propose to me.*

The question is, do you want to get engaged? It seems to me that she wants to get engaged - as in a public declaration by you that you want marriage and have a future with her.

Have there been a few of her friends got engaged recently or family members dropping hints to her about "the big day out" ?

A promise ring means nothing really. I could declare any of the jewellery my partner has given me as a "promise" over the years but its not anywhere near engagement. If she is expecting an engagement ring and you give her a promise ring instead, be prepared for a potential fallout.


*thats just my own interpertation of course!

P. Breathnach

Can we get one thing clear: do you want to marry her?

leeroybrown

Based on what you've said the only reasonable conclusion I can make is that wants you to propose. I can't think of any other proof of commitment that would fit your description. Personally speaking I'd find this kind of pressure very off putting and it'd push me in entirely the opposite direction. I'd probably be having doubts if someone tried to force me towards marriage one year into a relationship.

Talk to her when you're back and see what she really wants and whatever you do don't feel pressurised into proposing just because she wants you to.

Toots

Sounds like she wants you to get down on one knee and produce something sparkly. Just out of interest, how long has she been saying this, is it only recently? Have any of her friends gotten engaged recently?