Girlfriends PMS

FatherlyNick

Can someone help me out? My girlfriend has some very severe PMS outbreaks. I had been trying my best to just support her and tell her to calm down.

She feels depressed, angry at me, easily frustrated and VERY sensetive. During a conversation she would try to pick out words and just get angry at me, ignore me (and just generaly be a very poor descision maker).

I have never gotten angry at the way she acts, I understand that this isnt who she really is (outside of her 'PMS days' she is a completely different person), but I want to be able to help her combat this truck-load-of-emotions.
Ive told her to do some regular excersises and to get enough sleep. She doesnt want to take any medication, but are there any herbal or 'natural' medicines which can help?

Thanks.

Ickle Magoo

Moved from The Ladies Lounge. :cool:

ABajaninCork

Starflower Oil (Or Borage as it's otherwise known as) is absolutely what your GF needs. Evening Primrose Oil's good too, but doesn't have the level GLA (which controls the PMS) that Starflower Oil has. It's great for hair, skin & nails too which is a nice bonus. GLA, by the way stands for gamma-Linolenic acid which is a fatty acid.

Agnus Castus is good too, but am not sure if it's sold here. I've used both and think although both do the job, the Starflower Oil is far better for controlling the symptoms.

As these are natural remedies, don't expect a 'quick fix'. It'll take at least three months to kick in, so you need to be patient.

You're a lovely thoughtful, enlightened guy to be thinking of and helping your GF with this. It's an awful thing to deal with.

Meant to add - Exercise and sleep are very important at these times too.

Hope this helps and good luck!

gypsy_rose

I find that during my "PMS" days as you call them, I usually get angry about things that I'd usually let slide, it's not that I get angry about brand new things it's just that my emotions are stronger. Is she on the pill or anything? The first pill I took made me very emotional and paranoid but since I switched I've calmed down a lot more. You're right about exercise and sleep, those things are generally good for ones well being. Have you talked to her about it much? On a good day when she's happy and relaxed? It might be helpful if you tell us things like how old you both are, how long you've been together etc.? Do you fight much on normal days?

FatherlyNick

gypsy_rose wrote: »

I find that during my "PMS" days as you call them, I usually get angry about things that I'd usually let slide, it's not that I get angry about brand new things it's just that my emotions are stronger. Is she on the pill or anything? The first pill I took made me very emotional and paranoid but since I switched I've calmed down a lot more. You're right about exercise and sleep, those things are generally good for ones well being. Have you talked to her about it much? On a good day when she's happy and relaxed? It might be helpful if you tell us things like how old you both are, how long you've been together etc.? Do you fight much on normal days?

Well, Im 19 (almost 20) and she is 18 soon to be 19. We are together for 22 months (23rd on the 14th of June). We dont argue much at all outside of those days (although she naturally has a very dominative character and will constantly challange me). I dont mind her character at all and love her for everything she is. I have talked to her regarding PMS and she is fully aware of her own 'calendar'. She is not taking any conterceptives.

jam_mac_jam

What contraception do you use if you don't mind me asking. The pill can really effect this, good or bad. It would be worth talking to a doctor, not just for medication but could also get a check up to make sure general health is ok as this can also effect it.

FatherlyNick

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

What contraception do you use if you don't mind me asking. The pill can really effect this, good or bad. It would be worth talking to a doctor, not just for medication but could also get a check up to make sure general health is ok as this can also effect it.

She is not taking ANY medication at all. Unless she gets allergic, she has some pills for that...

eviltwin

How is she on her "normal" days? Will she acknowledge her behavior? Is she apologetic? Is she trying to find a solution for this herself?

FatherlyNick

eviltwin wrote: »

How is she on her "normal" days? Will she acknowledge her behavior? Is she apologetic? Is she trying to find a solution for this herself?

On normal days she a COMPLETELY different person. We can actually have a conversation without her, um, 'freaking out' about anything.

While she knows that she is not herself, I dont really see that she is telling herself that its not me who is making her angry, she does blame it on me. After the days pass, however, she does say sorry for her behaviour. And im not even mad at her anyway. I just want to calm her down, because she is depressed and in tears sometimes (during 'those' days) and I dont want her to be that way.

ordinary_girl

ABajaninCork wrote: »

You're a lovely thoughtful, enlightened guy to be thinking of and helping your GF with this. It's an awful thing to deal with.

This. My ex just used to avoid me completely when I was PMSing, which is actually pretty hurtful. So, the fact that you're there for her I'm sure matters a lot.

I understand it's a difficult situation for you, and that you do want to help your girlfriend. I see that a few people are suggesting the pill, which could work, but there's a chance that your girlfriend might not want to take the pill.

I'm not aware of any natural or herbal meds that work, but I find that regularly eating fruit when I'm PMSing tones down the crankiness a bit so perhaps it could work for her. I think the best thing you can do, which it seems you're already doing, is just be understanding and be there.

Bear in mind that PMS does pass, so it could be several days of a bit of a nightmare but the majority of the time pleasant normality. I do find that my diet at the time affects my moods, so maybe just make sure she eats a good bit of fruit and veg because there's a chance that could work for her too.

FatherlyNick

ordinary_girl wrote: »

This. My ex just used to avoid me completely when I was PMSing, which is actually pretty hurtful. So, the fact that you're there for her I'm sure matters a lot.

I understand it's a difficult situation for you, and that you do want to help your girlfriend. I see that a few people are suggesting the pill, which could work, but there's a chance that your girlfriend might not want to take the pill.

I'm not aware of any natural or herbal meds that work, but I find that regularly eating fruit when I'm PMSing tones down the crankiness a bit so perhaps it could work for her. I think the best thing you can do, which it seems you're already doing, is just be understanding and be there.

Bear in mind that PMS does pass, so it could be several days of a bit of a nightmare but the majority of the time pleasant normality. I do find that my diet at the time affects my moods, so maybe just make sure she eats a good bit of fruit and veg because there's a chance that could work for her too.

Thanks for the kind words. She has told me that she will not take any pills because she is scared of the side-effects and I totaly understand that. I'll talk to her about her diet. Her PMS lasts about 5 days, and I DO keep a calendar to warn me before-hand.

Thank you everyone for the advice & help!

EGAR

Been there, on the other side of the fence and tried all the herbal remedies mentioned above and none worked. I was like a woman possessed.

A friend recommended Vit B6 and I was laughing at her but was at a point where I was desperate so I started taking it and it literally changed my life.

Please tell her to look into it and perhaps talk to her GP about V B6 if she is reluctant to take it, it made all the difference to me.

eadire

The herbal meds dont really work that will the Starflower Oil will help a little bit but wont cure it completely. All I can recommend is be there for her. Get her a hot water bottle and even just buy her a bunch of flowers every now and again to help her feel better about it.

I am sure she can see what way she is treating you and feels bad for it. I do the same when its my "PMS" days as you call them and my boyfriend is like you in that he does everything he can to help me through them and gets my mircowaveable teddy for me and just is there for me.

Sorry but thats the best advice I can give.

FatherlyNick

Thanks everyone!

squonk

How long before you get sick of this OP? Sounds like she's refusing to do an awful lot for herself to combat this. She most definitely I'm sure knows how you feel and how it's affecting you. The very fact that it's you who is on here asking for help and for particular herbal solutions just shows that she doesn't seem to be that interested in working it out. After all, it's her body and her responsibility. I'm a guy but I would think that if there was some aspect of my body that was causing distress or hurt to my partner, I'd be looking to how to sort the thing out, myself.

I think the bottom line is that you need to put it to her that this problem is putting strain on your relationship and that you are trying to help her but she needs to become more involved and to help herself. If she doesn't take this on board and take steps and in very short order then you need to walk because you'll be back to where you started and counting days til the next time of the month. It's not fair and sometimes you need to call a spade a spade and just walk away.

FatherlyNick

squonk wrote: »

How long before you get sick of this OP? Sounds like she's refusing to do an awful lot for herself to combat this. She most definitely I'm sure knows how you feel and how it's affecting you. The very fact that it's you who is on here asking for help and for particular herbal solutions just shows that she doesn't seem to be that interested in working it out. After all, it's her body and her responsibility. I'm a guy but I would think that if there was some aspect of my body that was causing distress or hurt to my partner, I'd be looking to how to sort the thing out, myself.

I think the bottom line is that you need to put it to her that this problem is putting strain on your relationship and that you are trying to help her but she needs to become more involved and to help herself. If she doesn't take this on board and take steps and in very short order then you need to walk because you'll be back to where you started and counting days til the next time of the month. It's not fair and sometimes you need to call a spade a spade and just walk away.

She did read about it (as she told me). The main problem with that is, that she thinks that the main cause of her 'mood' is me; as I always seem to be there with her when she gets angry. And I have told her that she is extremely over-sensetive on those days or even just automatically pissed at everything. (she sort-of acts like an upset child). I cant really prove her wrong as she does get angry during a conversation and it does look like my fault. So I just want to keep her calm.

Im not sure how much help she is looking for, but I know that she listens to my advice and she does do excersises like I told her to.

Squiggler

The oils suggested by another poster do help in most cases, or at least they helped me and some friends, and generally improving diet, health and nutrition is beneficial for helping the body to restore balance.

I have one friend, who realised that all her 'problems' in her relationships, with her boyfriend and with friends, were occuring around that time of the month. She used to think that we were the problem, but in recent years she has realised that her hormonal imbalance around that time was the cause.

Now she issues advance warning to us all that she's about to become 'psycho' and will be spending the next few days avoiding us all for everyone's sake. It's only one or two days a month, she enjoys the time to herself and the rest of us get to experience her at her best the rest of the time.

squonk

FatherlyNick wrote: »

She did read about it (as she told me). The main problem with that is, that she thinks that the main cause of her 'mood' is me; as I always seem to be there with her when she gets angry. And I have told her that she is extremely over-sensetive on those days or even just automatically pissed at everything. (she sort-of acts like an upset child). I cant really prove her wrong as she does get angry during a conversation and it does look like my fault. So I just want to keep her calm.

Im not sure how much help she is looking for, but I know that she listens to my advice and she does do excersises like I told her to.

That's fair enough and even with our friends we're allowed to lose the rag every so often and that's fair and expected but if she's blaming you for 'annoying' her, then that isn't the greatest really. It's certainly what stood out for me. Has she told you to back off on the days concerned or ever said 'hey, John, look, lf you don't mind doing your own thing for those few days a month that'd be good'. It'd be better for both you and her I presume. Reading about the problem helps you understand the causes for sure but understanding isn't solving. You're only a young fella and I know myself that if I was subconsciouly counting days til crazy gf reappeared, I'd get tired of that after a year or two. It's no way to be. I hope she takes on board what you say to her about the oils and tries out a few things. I know she's doing her excercises but surely she's realising that's not working, or it isn't if you're on here now.

PucaMama

Some of the suggestions here. She has Pms. Do ye have any idea of what its like? Its great that the op is taking an interest but seriously? Telling him to leave her cus hes a 'young lad' is ridiculus. Shes young too. And she needs support and understanding. Ye will never understand unless ye have it, and men certainly never will.

Wanted to ad I dont have much faith in 'herbal' medicine. A gynaecologist works.

ABajaninCork

PucaMama wrote: »

Some of the suggestions here. She has Pms. Do ye have any idea of what its like? Its great that the op is taking an interest but seriously? Telling him to leave her cus hes a 'young lad' is ridiculus. Shes young too. And she needs support and understanding. Ye will never understand unless ye have it, and men certainly never will.

Wanted to ad I dont have much faith in 'herbal' medicine. A gynaecologist works.

Sorry, but have to disagree. A Gynae was the one who prescribed the Starflower Oil for me! You have to remember that using anything homeopathic or herbal takes time! Allow at least two to three months before you see any effects. People are quick to write off anything herbal without realising this.

IMO I would rather try herbal than using drugs which might have side effects. Drugs should be a last resort.

strandroad

FatherlyNick wrote: »

She did read about it (as she told me). The main problem with that is, that she thinks that the main cause of her 'mood' is me; as I always seem to be there with her when she gets angry. And I have told her that she is extremely over-sensetive on those days or even just automatically pissed at everything. (she sort-of acts like an upset child). I cant really prove her wrong as she does get angry during a conversation and it does look like my fault. So I just want to keep her calm.

Im not sure how much help she is looking for, but I know that she listens to my advice and she does do excersises like I told her to.

Actually I think that she could try and be more reasonable. I know what PMS is, I used to have bad ones but it's not a reason to take it out on others even if you're feeling bad. She should rather try to find more space if she feels crowded and irritable because of this, not to take it out on you. And you also should not be crowding her; get out of her hair if this is what triggers bad moods which may be hard to rein in on those days.

PucaMama

ABajaninCork wrote: »

PucaMama wrote: »

Some of the suggestions here. She has Pms. Do ye have any idea of what its like? Its great that the op is taking an interest but seriously? Telling him to leave her cus hes a 'young lad' is ridiculus. Shes young too. And she needs support and understanding. Ye will never understand unless ye have it, and men certainly never will.

Wanted to ad I dont have much faith in 'herbal' medicine. A gynaecologist works.

Sorry, but have to disagree. A Gynae was the one who prescribed the Starflower Oil for me! You have to remember that using anything homeopathic or herbal takes time! Allow at least two to three months before you see any effects. People are quick to write off anything herbal without realising this.

IMO I would rather try herbal than using drugs which might have side effects. Drugs should be a last resort.[/Quote

Drugs are there and are affordable to us for a reason. They work and should be taken.

orchidsrpretty

OP, I have really bad "episodes" when I am having my peroid, picking fights and bursting into tears over nothing really. The way we and my bf have learned to deal with it is this:

Whenever I start picking a fight over something stupid, he will gently remind me that it is more than likely the "hormones" taking and will leave the room so I can calm down and see some sense. This works really well for us although sometimes when I am really emotinal and balling my eyes out over nothing it can be quite hard to let things go. I always feel rotten afterwards for being such a pyscho but it passes.

I know that pointing out the obvious to someone can enrage them more, but I do think the best thing to do in these situations is not to engage in the argument and take a time out.

It may take awhile to figure out what works for you both, but if she is aware of why she is acting the way she is she should be able to keep it check.

All the best:)

Ickle Magoo

Folks, can I remind you that medical advice on what is suitable/appropriate medication for the OP's girlfriend should be left to a medical professional.

If anyone hasn’t done so already, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.


As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

pwurple

Puca, Herbs can have side-effects, just like as 'drugs'. More-so in a lot of cases. A lot of medicines are herbs anyway. Herbs that work = medicine.

Homeopathy has the same success rates as placebo tests.

OP, your girlfriend should speak to her GP about this. It sounds like it's getting to be debilitating.

Unregistered39

I'm a huge advocate of coconut oil (the unrefined virgin one) for pretty much everything but I noticed that since I started taking it I have had pretty much zero pms symptoms. To the point that if I am not watching the calendar closely it can take me by surprise. It really is amazing stuff. Viridian is the brand I use.

LegacyUser

OP, do you need this grief in your life for the next 20 years or so?

If she's unwilling to get treatment for it or continues to take it out on others, then get out, to hell. Life is too short to have to put up with unnecessary cr4p

tinkerbell

OP, PMS or not, it is no excuse to make your life a misery 13 weeks out of every year. This is not acceptable behaviour. If you have a problem, you get it seen to and get advice, not bury your head in the sand and blame your boyfriend (ie you) because he's around you. So you either do 2 things, tell her she gets help for it or just be around her three-quarters of the time only and avoid her for 13 weeks while she's having one of her moods. If she refuses help, well tbh life is too short to be wasting it on someone who refuses to do anything to solve the situation which is making her boyfriend's life hell.

PMS or not, it is absolutely NO excuse to take it out on you.

Danniboo

eadire wrote: »

The herbal meds dont really work that will the Starflower Oil will help a little bit but wont cure it completely.

Please ignore this OP, you can't make sweeping statements about something as complex as this. Every woman is different, having been on and off different meds, herbal and non - herbal for years I have had many ups and downs with it. Some things agree with some women other things do not, unfortunately its trial and error, but you can't say oh this just doesn't work. From my experience a strong dose of Evening Primrose/Starflower Oil has made a huge difference to balancing my moods, all month round not just for the 4/5 days of PMS. I would give it a shot OP. I'd suggest she sees her GP if she is really bad, could be an underlying hormonal imbalance if its particularly bad.

Roisy7

I get pretty bad PMS but I get more teary than angry...

I make allowances for myself on those days... I will try to treat myself to something small like a magazine or a bar or a hot chocolate. I'll be kind to myself. If I'm feeling really bad I'll retreat to my room and not take it out on anyone else... It's not fair.

I'm single at the moment but I hope I wouldn't use it as an excuse to snap at a boyfriend.

I know she's pretty young but presumably at the age of 19 she's had at least 5/6 years of dealing with it. Does she snap at her friends? How did she cope in school? College? Work?

Or is it just you she snaps at?

The thing about being a woman- despite all the biological crap evolution has decided to place on us, life must go on. We can't ring in sick because of PMS, we cannot extend college essays, we can't avoid our friends and boyfriends. We just have to suck it up and carry on.

If your girlfriend's PMS is really severe, if her periods are very heavy, if she physically cannot cope, she should go to her GP who might refer her to a specialist.

If she is just suffering from what every woman does, she needs to put controls in place so you don't suffer. It's amazing how we feel we can treat our other halfs far worse than friends, family, colleagues. I suspect that's what's happening here. She needs someone to take it out on- that's you.

OP, you sound like a really nice guy- I had an ex who couldn't hear the word period with going "eww!"- but you shouldn't have to put up with ill-treatment. Continue talking to her about this- maybe you'll just have to stay away from her for those days. Maybe she'll need to realise herself that she can't take it out on you. Next time she begins "freaking out" leave the room until she's calm.

Best of luck OP

Skuxx

I know you said she didn't want to go on the pill OP, but maybe if she spoke with a doctor it would put her mind at ease regarding the side effects.
When I first started going out with my GF, she had similar moods to your GF during her particular week, but after a few months when our relationship got more serious, she decided to go on the pill, and it certainly seemed to calm things down an awful lot! Shes no where near as moody as she was, as she also says that the period pains are nowhere near as severe as they had been either!
If shes dead against it then thats her decision, but I'd encourage ye (go with her for support) to go to a doctor and talk to them and then decide!

woodchuck

Have you tried giving her chocolate? Seriously... it really helps me anyway

I was always biting my boyfriends head off and one day he was like a headless chicken and was like 'what do I do?!' and I said without thinking I shouted 'just give me chocolate!!'. Ever since then, this is what he does... and I swear it works

(apologies, haven't read entire thread but did a quick search don't think anyone has mentioned this 'quick fix')

Gyalist

woodchuck wrote: »

Have you tried giving her chocolate? Seriously... it really helps me anyway

I was always biting my boyfriends head off and one day he was like a headless chicken and was like 'what do I do?!' and I said without thinking I shouted 'just give me chocolate!!'. Ever since then, this is what he does... and I swear it works

(apologies, haven't read entire thread but did a quick search don't think anyone has mentioned this 'quick fix')

I see that as rewarding bad behaviour. Would he then have to get her a present every time she is in one of her moods?

woodchuck

Gyalist wrote: »

I see that as rewarding bad behaviour. Would he then have to get her a present every time she is in one of her moods?

I disagree. She's not 'in a mood' due to a behavioural reason (ie just being a c*nt!); it's hormonal. Chocolate releases endorphins to help balance things out.

I don't think bad behaviour should be rewarded under normal circumstances, but personally I couldn't be anything close to my normal self when I'm PMSing without the help of some chocolate!